Lighthouse in Acrylic

In middle school I wanted to start a newspaper called the lighthouse. For a while

After being in my head for so long, here it is. 

This is my first acrylic painting since grade school and although it's no Van Gogh and it has kept me up a second night because I made a change and started hating it more and more, but I'm finally happy enough with it to let it lie.

At one point near the end when I messed with it too much it was looking a too agitated and confused (supposedly my own frustration coming out). A bit of chaos and panick ensued and I made more mistakes until I finally calmed down and and tried to recall the feeling by looking at a photo of the oldest version and decided to paint what felt right in the strokes, and took a break to get some sleep.

In this final version both the sky and sea have more depth than the original, and the and I think the calmer original feeling was restored where it was lost in the second. Lesson learned: Don't make quick little changes, especially after talking to critics. Save the frustration and time and take the time to do what feels right the first time.

First Spring

For once spring has come and I feel very much alive. Sometimes sitting on the bus it feels like I'm the only one alive and I'm afraid to move beyond the swinging and bumping for fear that I'll reveal myself as a living human.

Cold Chamomile

     It is so quiet the loudest things are the airplane 20 000 feet above and the analog clock on the wall. The silence feels cold and my lids feel heavy the wrong way, and my skin is dry and tight for hands that need to release words. The draft of a wind through old windows is gently pushing the blinds and a paper snowflake on blue fuzzy acrylic yarn to a sway, like a flowing dance without music. 

     Yesterday (technically two days ago) was our city's most poignant Earth Day. It was sunny, rainy, overcast, snowing, and hailing all shuffled up. As a friend and I sat in a non-idling cat each tap tap sound of hail on the metal or window before smudging and melting across the glass, refracting with little dots like a stretched, transparent leopard print was like popcorn, and we just felt excited.

     Freedom this week is realizing the words in between the lines and in the draping of long flat skirts. Even spring and April has mood swings and relapses sometimes but it will still become summer. Excitement this week is the feel of pencil sketches of circus makeup ideas and the sound of hail on the window. It smells like lightly buttered popcorn and chamomile tea the way it smells when you drink it past bedtime but it's still okay.

What Will You Do?

(Note: This was actually published on 30/05/2015 as shown on naturenimbus.blogspot.ca, but put in the April lunar-winds archive for the sake of Earth Day)

Whether it be about environment, poverty, social injustice, or another issue, one of the worst feelings at the end of many documentaries is this feeling of "now what?" Let me explain.

The term 'informed citizen' is a relatively common term. In school that was a term used a lot in the social science departments. I remember at least two first-day classes where the teachers asked something like "how many of you actually read the newspaper on a regular basis, and not just the comics?"

What the teacher was probably getting at was having a big-picture perspective. When we are an informed citizen and are aware of the bigger picture, it's easier to appreciate what we have and increased appreciation for what we do have.

While that brings some personal benefit, reading about what happened in the news or seeing it in a documentary doesn't change the problem. When we are personally touched, empathizing and feeling for the issues we hear about, the best thing we can do is take action. Allowing both your mind and heart to be affected is what brings changes, even if small.

On a personal level, after a few years of involvement in school clubs and environmental education, I became a little disenchanted for a while with certain parts of the environmental movement. In both of those classes on the first day it was a bit of a rainy day and the cool, basement classroom with cracks in the walls still smelled like geography, but didn't feel like it any more, if that makes any sense. Everything seemed to become so technical, always a matter of measuring and predicting, budgeting and diplomacy. You can have all the facts and figures you want but if people don't care then what difference does it make?

Sometimes reading the comics can give you something that the article didn't.

I'll admit that this is laced with some remaining bitterness that I am fighting one step at a time (the same way we make any sort of progress), and it's is kind hard to express. The purpose is certainly not to diminish the value of keeping up with world events or having knowledge of people and cultures and things outside of our own bubble, because that is very important too. What I do mean to say is that head knowledge is not enough, but being moved to act is what will help.

Hearing a fire alarm is not enough. Knowing what the fire alarm means is not enough. It's getting out of the building or fighting the fire that gives you a chance. In the case of most humans and other living things caught in the midst of a global issue, a calm and orderly exit is not a viable option.  Despite the daunting  messes humanity finds itself in time and time again, there are still people who care and even if taking that small step can't save the world, it can still help make a difference in someone's life.

There is something amazing about the way children look at nature. The wonder of watching dandelion seeds drift away from your breath, seeing the wings of a dragonfly glint in the sunshine, hearing not only the call in a bird's voice but a song. That it powerful, motivating, and makes us happy. Science is generally associated with words like 'logic', 'left-brained' and 'facts', but that doesn't mean you have to ignore the part of you that loves nature from the heart in order to explore or save it.

Opening up to hope or anything else can be very hard. Making yourself vulnerable to disappointment and the judgement of others such as those who say 'be realistic' is hard; recovering from being someone who said 'be realistic' is hard, but even if the difference is small allowing yourself to hope and to give the benefit of the doubt to a perfect stranger can make you and them a better person.

Carry a better world inside of you and let it come out through your eyes and words and actions. See the world and see people for a positive potential and your eyes will be more beautiful. Base your actions on those ideals and you will have a more beautiful life. Potential isn't something that is already there, but seeing it means being willing to make yourself vulnerable and though it won't always work it still makes a difference.

As a kid once my mom and I went to the closing of a Laura Secord shop and they had a little Chicken Soup for the Soul book which contained a memorable story. Here is a variation of Loren Eisley's The Starfish Story:

     One windy morning a man was was taking a walk across a beach that was littered with thousands of starfish.

     Along the way he saw a boy stooping picking up starfish and throwing them back into the water to save them from the heat of the sun. 

     "There are thousands of starfish," the man said to the boy, "it won't make a difference."

     The boy picked up another starfish and threw it into the water and  said, "It made a difference to that one!"

We won't always save the world, but a big difference is made up of many small changes the same way a long journey is crosses with many small steps.

It is worth it.

After being informed of something through a newspaper article or thinking 'now what?' after a documentary, you don't have to go numb so as not to be overcome by anxiety. Worry less about what we can't do and focus about what we will do.


(p.s. If you're kind of feeling like that right now, here is a link to an older post with a collection of practical green tips.
http://naturenimbus.blogspot.ca/2014/02/50-green-tips.html 
... Put together many steps will go a long way!)

Peace of Mind

Promises broken when each peace is shattered to pieces

Oh our peace shattered to pieces

When your thoughts all get lost is when you'll be found

Alone but not lonely with no one around

But the wind that rips by and the pause of the tide

And stars that tell stories in the shadows they hide

Darling go on home to where the wilderness ends

Follow your shadow til it takes you back again

From the sunrise to dusk on the hour it sets

Bids goodbye to the sky before the light it forgets

And then we start again

Alone but not lonely it all comes around

With the wind that rips by and the turn of the tide

And the truths still told in the lies that we hide.

Symphony

In the symphony of our lives there is movement, harmony,

dynamics.

Your body is the instrument,

Your mind is the conductor,

And your heart is the song.

Music can communicate a story, an atmosphere, a full range of emotions.

Both the notes and the way we play, both how and what we say

Is the difference between communicating and just making noise.

We all enter and exit eachothers lives and our coming together and parting again

That creates a terraced dynamic energy

As we search for HARMONY.

Even as we part or go silent in eachothers lives the absence between the notes creates music.

In this search for harmony we may sometimes find ourselves in an entire band or a duet

Or playing solo or something in between,

Once in a while you may meet someone who you can play in harmony

Or even unison with because your pitch is perfect together.

The pitch will almost never be perfect

But that is why we listen to eachother not rigid in our tone;

Play your own instrument and blend your sound then with a wave of vibrato to give it shape

You can create beautiful sound together.

There is something beautiful about being alone.

Without all the background sound the echoes of a lone voice

Resound thoughts that our minds speak best heard in solitude solo.

Because your body is an amazing instrument, appreciate it,

Your mind is the conductor, trust it,

And your heart is the song, play with feeling.

When a section reaches its end with a transition of its own or a plagal cadence that ends it all,

You move on because it is called a movement.

They do not have to be forgotten for they are still written in the staff that connects our past present and future,

And different movements are the changing scenes of a beautiful symphony and your orchestra will be confused if the conductor is still on the last one

Do not despair when it is over, for that is why it is called a movement.

When you miss a beat that's okay, play on.

When you get lost in so many notes and you need to get your bearing

Go back to the base.

Always keep in mind who you are what your base is, then jump back to where you were from there.

Like melody and rhythm our words and actions speak our song.

Sometimes we play at a forte and other times our voice may even fall silent,

Be it a sixteenth rest or 206 bars, a moment of silence does not mean that the music is over.

It does not mean that it will not crescendo or build again;

Because dear maestro that is what a dynamic life does!

Across the range even when it's hard to speak what we do speaks volumes.

In major brightness or a minor

Whatever the pitch, up or down, is in that moment it is valid

And that is the key to your song never let anyone especially yourself convince you otherwise.

Sometimes the tone may be bright or dark

But all the colours of our tone that changes with the music

Make things dynamic.

Because your body is an amazing instrument, appreciate it,

Your mind is the conductor, trust it,

And your heart is the song, play it with feeling.

Let it be beautiful.

Although we know that one day the music will be gone to echoes we still play on.

Whether we blew a booming forte or plucked a whispering pianissimo

Whether it is on the radio or in a home or campfire,

At the symphony or in a valley where only birds can join in busking on the passive street,

Appreciate your instrument, watch your conductor and whatever you do let your heart be beautiful and let it sing;

You have the power to put a swing in their step and someday someone will dance,

For in every beautiful heart there is a beautiful life song worth listening to.

Lunar Eclipse in Less Than 13 Hours

This is one of those special occasions when being down on Earth is one of the most inspiring places you could be. 

The next lunar eclipse visible from Earth is happening in less than thirteen hours. Click here to find out when it will be visible from your location (http://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2015-april-4). 

Although most of my science and nature-related posts are published on Nature Nimbus, if not for the inspiration then for its namesake this reminder should also be here.

From either a scientific or artistic point of view, this is an exciting event that has captivated the eyes of skywatchers in different civilizations for centuries and will be the third of a tetrad (http://naturenimbus.blogspot.ca/2014/10/part-two-of-four-lunar-eclipses-in.html). This will also be the shortest lunar eclipse of the century so there's no time for a snooze if you're in an early-morning region (http://earthsky.org/tonight/shortest-total-lunar-eclipse-of-the-century-on-april-4-2015).

In some ways many of us are like the moon. We have a light side and a dark side and different faces that are different yet always our own are shown in phases. We are reflective individuals born into a world of darkness in which we have learned to travel in and often light the way for others. Though our best friend may be bright as the sun both our similar bright side and contrasting dark one are complementing and though one may be of night and another of day, we have a common goal: to light the way. Though at times we sometimes will hide our details and even our existence in solitude they can bring out the best in us. When our paths meet or even when we are blocked by "down to "earth" in an eclipse, together we can create something that makes the heartbeat of the world skip a beat