Random but I've always admired women in their thirties a lot/quite specifically and I'm excited to be one but also disappointed in myself, if that makes any sense?
(Disappointed because of not feeling like I measure up in often the artistry, confidence, and boldness of these women as much as I had hoped. I wasn't planning on being this broken or at best hurt and somehow traumatized again even worse than the first time.)
🎶 DEAR JOHN - Sam Buckingham
Just revisiting this tag tonight:
https://lunar-winds.blogspot.com/search/label/perfect%20stranger%20pact?m=0
"Wednesday, 11 November 2020
Let's make plans to someday pass on the street and exchange a smile.
It'll be our small celebration for making it.
Sincerely,
A stranger on the internet"
~~
Today I met a kind stranger, named Er[-]s. And interacted with a kind sort of/once stranger, the girl/ young woman who works at the pharmacy who is about my age.
They are kind strangers I am very appreciative for.
I'm not going to tell her what to do, I told (another person).
And it's not out of fear of telling her something that ends up leading to an outcome that is my fault for advising them over.
It's out of recognition of what is not in my knowledge to be speaking on. Nor my place in that way at a major decision making moment quite like this one.
In another time, yes.
But this is her life and it only has to be her own. But she's the only one lives it.
~~
I don't know if I could say I am the main character in my own story. Maybe I could and I'm just not self-aware enough for it.
But I don't feel like my happiness or satisfaction or contentment in life comes from being the main character of my own story.
If someone were to ask me plainly without baggage of implication for a suggested response like, “ main character of one's own story”, I would say I am happy and proud of being part of something bigger than myself.
In this whole universe, the motion that occurs and beauty that transpires, Wars that are fought and one, and lost, what is one and what is mourned, with sacrifice and gain.
In the cosmic scandal things I am not nothing; I am part of a beautiful something. God's universe; his creation. A who's great is unfathomable to me, I get to be part of this and whatever way I do.
I want to use it well, this life of my. I appreciate the good things I get to enjoy.
And even if I or to die tomorrow, or tonight it hasn't been for nothing.
That is something beautiful. That is why I'm happy just by sadness.
And I can be happy and sad at the same time. In fact, I always am And in this reality I wouldn't have it any other way.
It's a complex thing, compared to an idea of only one thing happening at a time.
So nothing is ever really like that to that extent.
I'm part of a cause ,, a cosmic art project, and a universal community. Even should I disappear,
No longer experience the fox I do or anything (though I don't like the sound of that), how beautiful of a thing that is?
Being not one with as in the same person as, being but being part of the collective of conscious, sentient beings; influencing one another. I includes others, too, and I want that one to be a good one as much as I can.
We all part of each other for better or worse. And it needs dynamics we find forgiveness, love, friction, what we may call fate even when deliberation, and flow.
I've had my share of unhappiness. Disproportionately, some would argue. Those you know do say it.
But life is a beautiful thing; and, it is worth living.
I am a depressed optimist by philosophy and emotional state (simply because I am in fact sane, in my mind; it is a mental illness that is more injury than from within who could be so heartless as to see the things I have seen and feel overwhelming and be happy all the time?) theist by worldview, writer along with some other things by creative art; and something like a leaf that produces energy in the world, along with my flowers too.
What a garden, what a forest, what a place and a biome that this Galaxy is.
I would not let it go on purpose. Even though I am sad, often.
If only people could understand how happy it made me, no matter how the rest of things are seeing what I see:
Main character or not, it matters not to me which way to look at this.
But being Part of something bigger than myself, in the ways I perceive with my eyes of physical senses and of faith and mind and emotion; It is something everyone deserves to feel, In my opinion, by default.
The world would be a better place. Probably if we did two a higher degree; if we did more than it feels this world may allow at a time.
But that doesn't make someone hopeless.
If your eyes are closed or your heart is tired, that doesn't mean you will feel nothing at all forever.
It doesn't mean you will only feel bad things forever.
And I need people to know that. That hope is not a silly feeling way. It's sometimes to say use or sounds.
But I silly it is to remember the stars on a night where we can't see them, obstructed by clouds, or something else, that this is what Faith means.
You have looked up in seen them so many times.
Don't doubt at all, because of the moment.
And I don't say the word moment flippantly as to diminish or wave away whatever one feels right now. For there is no past nor future in the physical off and feels; there is movement and and time in the way we call it. But it is all movement in our universe.
This beautiful, beautiful universe, you deserve to be aware of and feel by default, and embrace being a part of it the way you made. The way you were made too simple to put good things in this cosmic evolving creative project, That is the experience of our lives.
And by “our”, by I really do mean every single one of us near and far. For who we are, who we were and existed as when we did, and will be when we do in what is called “later”.
Things will change. But our cousin purpose remains the same and its absence though always different, beautifully different in the moments it is painted.
I am one to say we are more the same than we are different. But not in a flattening way, But one of gross, Beauty, meaning, love, feeling, and purpose and experience that is worth being had with heart, heart and appreciation. And I believe it is our place to do so.
~~
^Grocery store thoughts, vacuuming thoughts, bus spots, shower thoughts, whatever one may call them.
:)
~~
I once said to a friend, no not once, many times have said to friends, that death is the drawing because it doesn't make sense according to our reality as we have experienced it. This can be interpreted in more than one way but one particular way I do. We need to talk about it. Is that if something in the physical world just disappeared and I don't mean to change, but truly disappeared. Ceased from existence in a moment, we will be freaking out.
It could be a mountain, it could be a can of Coke. It could be energy, but hearing that it was not simply transferred or changed or went somewhere else, but simply cease to exist.
That doesn't add up with everything we know.
Of course we would be freaking out.
I cannot make claims on a state I've can yet to be in from first-hand experience, but these dots and as well as what is said in many faiths regarding it, makes sense to me.
Of course, if we'd be scared of amount and disappearing, we would lose our minds when it's something even more important. Life. What could be more important than this? Energy and energy can either be created or destroyed.
And I can respect that.
But I cannot say I "think" life is energy.
I think energy is something used in or by life; experienced in consciousness. We experience interacting with matter and energy.
I don't know if I would say or come to arrive from my experience that consciousness falls simply within the concept of matter and energy.
Spirit, maybe. I would be inclined to say so or that feels or sounds consistent with something my body understands.
But soul?
That is different. That is different, to me, in the way that I mean.
No matter how we may continue on this, we might agree together readily that in itself conscious soul is a precious thing.
Of course grief is real; of course love is.
It makes sense, though I wouldn't dare reduce it to such.
More importantly, it matters. And that is enough me to feel for others and oneself. And the law developed for what we must, for what we do hold dear; in specialty (or speciality? Tbh I don't know which word is correct here), *who* we hold hear.
~~
Life is beautiful. Cherish it, fight in it, fight for it. Be the one, the lady you want to be and were made for.
~~
Flowers in the store, and I love that they have potted ones in the rack for gifting flowers by main intention, it seems.
#flowers #love #nature
An artist named Jael posted to Instagram today
[07-07, 1:11 a.m.] Melody: Led me to study Jael tonight
[07-07, 1:18 a.m.] Melody: Also read to the part about that battle's connection to Armageddon, in the link at the end
[07-07, 1:21 a.m.] Melody: Reminded me of this, for you and Kenny:
[07-07, 1:21 a.m.] Melody: https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=1102016838
[07-07, 1:23 a.m.] Melody: The worst day of one's life does come
[07-07, 1:25 a.m.] Melody: 1 Peter 5:10 points this out:
"But after you have suffered a little while, the God of all undeserved kindness... will *himself* finish your training. He will make you firm, he will make you strong, he will firmly ground you."
[07-07, 1:25 a.m.] Melody: In the part with the "..." It includes saying, "...who called you to his everlasting glory in union with Christ"
[07-07, 1:26 a.m.] Melody: It is easy for us to say and remember the words that Jehovah is with us. But this scripture can remind us of some points on that
[07-07, 1:29 a.m.] Melody: 1) It tells us not only that he will be there for you in your trials but one way how:
"He himself will *finish your training.*"
He will train you. And as a result, you will grow, and with Jehovah's training he will make you more capable than before, and more strong than before.
This is distinct from his miracles. He does answer our prayers and he does make what must happen, happen. But you will not be as lost as you might have ever been before once his hand in the matter has done it's work.
He affects not only your situation, but who you are. Your strength, qualities, and discernment, and other skills.
[07-07, 1:35 a.m.] Melody: 2) "He *himself* will finish your training."
He does not even delegate this to Jesus.
Jehovah himself does this.
We could have a variety of emotional reactions to this thought. But no matter how we feel about it, it is the choice of the God of all *undeserved kindness* who has decided it is his will to train you himself, not matter what you feel about yourself in a given moment.
[07-07, 1:37 a.m.] Melody: 3) "He himself will *finish* your training."
This does imply that he does not step in and take over to force you to do everything right every step of the way.
But even so, the training you need will be completed, not only covered partially or somehow left ambiguous. Jehovah himself will make sure of it.
[07-07, 1:46 a.m.] Melody: And that is an English word, so to help strengthen a sense of what Jehovah Promises to do:
• καταρτίσει (katartizó) - "adjust down" - to complete thoroughly, i.e. repair or adjust
{literally or figuratively}; fit, frame, mend, restore.
• στηρίξει (stērixei) - "fix firmly", perfect, establish, strengthen - also used in 2 Thess 3:3
• σθενώσει (sthenoó) - "to strenghen", from sthenos, meaning "bodily vigor" ;
"4599 sthenóō(from sthenos, "strength") – properly, make strong so as to be mobile – i.e. able to move in a way that achieves something in the most effective way." -HELPS Word-studies
Sources:
• Kingdom Interlinear Translation
• https://biblehub.com/greek/2675.htm
• https://biblehub.com/greek/ste_rixei_4741.htm
• https://biblehub.com/greek/4599.htm
[07-07, 1:53 a.m.] Melody: Brings to mind from there, 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
"We are hard-pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement; we are perplexed, but not absolutely with no way out; 9 we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are knocked down, but not destroyed. 10 Always we endure in our body the death-dealing treatment that Jesus suffered, that the life of Jesus may also be made manifest in our body"
[07-07, 1:54 a.m.] Melody: There is reason for optimism, no mat
ter how hard things maybe get in times of our lives
I think also of “let your light shine”.
I remember a friend illustrating This, or passing on the illustration that we are like little shards of glass on the moon. Maybe small on our own, but together reflecting Jehovah's light can be a light in the dark. Meaning more than the some of our parts. We are not insignificant.
Taste and see that Jehovah is good.
Nobody in this world is perfect. Only God is good, Jesus said. (Not even Jesus).
That does make sense. For Jehovah. Our creator is not only righteous, but good. And everything we have he gave to us first. Everything we could give to him. Comes from him; but he doesn't mind. He doesn't hold that against us as if it is less true. Because he is love, he made us with love.
And nothing can separate us from that.
Nothing can separate us from Jehovah's love. #faith #love #bible
Keep your eye focused and your whole body will be bright.
Keep your eyes fixed on the things. Unseen for the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting.
God is love.
Man was made in God's image.
The former things will not be called to mind, in the paradise.
He will hold you, grasping you firmly, with his right hand of righteousness.
There is no fear in love.
(^This exonerates me, for loving; even when I put myself down for it).
Only God is good.
Our “Heavenly Father”, that title for our Creator, speaks to the relationship with him he holds out to us. I remember examining even with the nation of Israel, the wordings that were used at different times uswd to denote more of a legal relationship, and another time one of tenderness and intimacy. Both relationships, both secure; but the intention for warmth and love is there.
Draw close to God and he will draw close to you.
~~
Let your love be without hypocrisy, keep on blessing those who persecute; bless and do not curse.
Return evil for evil to no one. Vengeance is God’s, he will repay. But “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; this will reap fiery coals on his head.
Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.
Tonight's tortilla pizza, With homemade pickled artichoke :)
(Had this tonight with family, made while going back watching episode 2 of star wars)
The longest thing to prepare was definitely the pickled artichokes. Had to start yesterday.
The artichokes got unreduced, cleaned them, boiled them for about 30 to 40 minutes. The next time I probably wouldn't go all the way to 40, also added in a whole head of garlic (there were six artichokes) And some salt in the water.
The garlic cloves were cut in roughly thirds.
The next day in the morning I put the cooled and cut pieces into brine to white vinegar ratio of one to about 1.3.
I added oregano to the (cool) brine with the vinegar, And topped the jar with olive oil.
Walking the artichokes I took off the tough outermost leaves, and chopped the top third of the whole artichoke, then more clinically used a pair of kitchen scissors at Grandma's suggestion to cut off pointy tips that were still left and anything that I just felt were probably going to be too tough.
After marinating all afternoon, these made the main topping up the tortilla pizza!
For the tortilla pizza, in addition to the artichokes I topped with tomato sauce, oyster, mushrooms, and tomatoes. Extremely thinly sliced. It's important that things are thinly sliced enough, otherwise it weighs in soggies down the tortilla.
For the tomato sauce, I just took the Primo crushed tomato puree and mixed it with some Berry, very finely chopped pieces onion the way my mom showed me to cut it, making it very thin, as well as minced garlic. I put about 1/3 of an onion, and maybe three cloves of fine lie, minced garlic straight into about one cup of the tomato puree. Maybe a bit more.
I salted with seasoning salts just a little bit and regular salt to taste. Put in a little bit of black pepper, and some oregano, and some garlic powder for dispersion.
I mixed in olive oil
This was sitting at least an hour before being used is topping, and in that time the fragrant juices seeped in.
To top it, if putting in the toaster oven, I would avoid putting cheese all the way to the ends, but otherwise in the traditional oven on top of a pizza pan with holes at 425° f they're baked for about 8 minutes and you can put cheese all the way to the ends. In either case, I do suggest putting the thin layer of tomato sauce all the way to the end. It does look quite thin compared to usual, but keep in mind this is just for tortilla. I put slightly less tomato sauce in the middle to avoid middle sogging.
Shredded mozzarella cheese comes after the tomato sauce, and then the cut oyster mushrooms, pickled artichoke pieces, and the very thinly sliced tomatoes.
These should be distributed to keep in mind that moisture should not be piled into the middle. If anything, I actually move moist things slightly away from the middle since it will largely end up there anyway.
Fake at 425° f for about 8 minutes in the oven, 5 minutes in the toaster oven with nothing on the bottom. However, it is much better in the oven on top of the pizza pan with holes.
Important note, the sauce is not cooked at all.
While vacuuming with the awesome vacuum cleaner.
Write about the awesome vacuum cleaner, too.
As of now "bus thoughts" will also be combined with "vacuuming thoughts" or "vacuum thoughts."
"Vacuum thoughts" is funny because they tend to be on very core principles working from different situations to understanding of concepts purely as if in a hypothetical vacuum.
Could not be more glad I read June 21's reading so close to today's, Jeremiah 11.
Jeremiah 11:16
Jehovah once called you a thriving olive tree, Beautiful with fine fruit. With a great roaring sound, he has set her on fire, And they have broken its branches.
~~
Also, Daniel 4:25, 26 is another time imagery of a tree is used in the Bible to makes point or illustrate something happening:
25 You will be driven away from among men, and your dwelling will be with the beasts of the field, and you will be given vegetation to eat just like bulls; and you will become wet with the dew of the heavens, and seven times will pass over you, until you know that the Most High is Ruler in the kingdom of mankind and that he grants it to whomever he wants.
26 “‘But because they said to leave the stump of the tree with its roots, your kingdom will be yours again after you come to know that the heavens are ruling.
~~
Conversely, scriptures that are assuring of stability, using tree imagery:
(June 21st's)
“For there is hope even for a tree.” - Job 4:17
Also, Matthew 21:
"18 While returning to the city early in the morning, he felt hungry. 19 He caught sight of a fig tree by the road and went to it, but he found nothing on it except leaves, and he said to it: “Let no fruit come from you ever again.” And the fig tree withered instantly. 20 When the disciples saw this, they were amazed and said: “How is it that the fig tree withered instantly?” 21 In answer Jesus said to them: “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only will you do what I did to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. 22 And all the things you ask in prayer, having faith, you will receive"
This was an emotionally resonant thing that day especially, feeling peace 🤍
~
Isaiah 65:22
"They will build houses and live in them, And they will plant vineyards and eat their fruitage. 22 They will not build for someone else to inhabit, Nor will they plant for others to eat. For the days of my people will be like the days of a tree, And the work of their hands my chosen ones will enjoy to the full."
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZncYMBx-9G/?igsh=YjlpNW80emE0eWRv
(Images of an idyllic life in the country, around horses, with a dog, an earthy home, quiet in nature)
This is what I wanted from the start. But the older I get, the more I let it go, and the more I embrace what seems to be inescapable life of conflict for cause.
“For there is hope even for a tree.” - Job 4:17
~~
My tree isn't on fire anymore.
And not only is it not on fire, it is restored, healed. As if it was never burned to begin with.
For the record, before the environmental toll was known to me, I was getting into StarWars and Chat GPT told me I am most like Pbi-Wan Kenobi, and also some Ahsoka Tano.
I saw Ahsoka the cartoon charter on the tv at my cousins' place summaries as a kid,. I had no idea what was going on but always liked her the most.
I also liked Padme, Obi-Wan, and Jarjar,but still without a sense of who they are in the plot. I liked the different kinds of sincere ways they came off, though.
Didn't understand what the big deal was that Chat GPT kept telling me I am most like Obi-Wan (I was almost frustrated just wishing the answer sound be simply Ahsoka)... but dang 😂 I get the big reactions now and and very, very flattered to have them both lol.
Idea to write about: the difference between “ignorance” and “naivete”. Would probably be cool as a Venn diagram, too.
Macaroni and cheese - black pepper, fresh diced tomato, green onions, heavy whipping cream + some starch water (emulsify away, baby!)
Taco sauce topping optional.
TIL the reason cream with macaroni sits well with me even better than without, but with butter it's worse, it's because cream is already naturally emulsified (wow?!) and cream if straight up fats which makes it even more separated.
~~
Random Personal Cooking Lessons From Not Terribly Distant History (might remove later idk lol)
cooking lessons for myself, not saying not obvious to everyone else) over time
Emulsify the mac and cheese - starch water, 35% cream (not butter!) - cream is already emulsified
Pay attention to water release. Pay attention to water release. Pay attention to water release
A stir fry where you want the vegetables crispy still kind of crispy and not floppy and soggy, do not add the salt until the very end. Otherwise, it will release the water and it will be both floppy, and create a stew on the bottom of the vegetables.
Add a splash of lemon juice at the end of a soup (sometimes) or stew to enhance the flavor.
Learn to use cornstarch. You won't regret it. - I need to get bolder with it though. I don't know why I struggle with this so much.
Take note of how your stomach feels when you eat foods that are too basic, not just too acidic. I've noticed that my mouth, and my stomach, tend to not love foods that are highly basic. I love ginger, but if there's too much ginger and dish, I probably won't really like it or feel terribly good eating it. (I have noticed when making ramen soups there is something different that happens; find out what that is.)
Back to cream versus butter. Cream is already emulsified! If cream has so much fat, why wouldn't you leave it? It doesn't separate between the oil and water? It's because it's already almost died. This is actually quite wondrous that mammals do this as well right from the mammette, otherwise it wouldn't work.
I have noticed that when I like to fry tofu it just goes over better if I fry it in a cooking oil that is just a little oil, and lots of margarine, then anything else. It crisps the outside of the tofu or the other oils. Just don't do it as much. I would probably need to use cornstarch to get the effect others to, and I'm still bad at that.
High heat for vegetables and things you want crispy on the outside. Soft on the inside!
For me, putting more water on the bottom of a baked food, whether I'm baking potatoes, or chicken, tends to make things go over better. They cook more evenly, and there's this really great sauciness and the food is more moist. I tend to underestimate how much it will evaporate. This not only influences the cooking in the food, but as well as the cleanup car tickets stuck to the pan.
Learning to parboil, or even in more cases lately pre-boil, vegetables before I cook them has been a complete game changer. Especially for okra. It is a whole new world now, okra Cooks more evenly, it's more tender, takes us time, and doesn't end up over seasoned over the fact that I have to cook it so long and I keep after adding water and it feels like it's either washing the flavor away or adding too much if I add more soy sauce. - a secondary thing that this has been a game changer for now, are potatoes. When making lemon potatoes I diced the potatoes and actually boiled them to to the early cooked through stage. We could have actually been eaten that way in theory probably, before I baked them at 425 ° f with that that well-seasoned stock at the bottom, too.
I tend to use black pepper, paprika, garlic, and salt in everything. (Not literally)
Black pepper and almost perfect though. Even in white pepper eggs, I add black pepper to cut the egginess.
Learning that egginess gets cut with black pepper, especially if I added in during the cooking stage has changed my eating habits entirely. - Also, see my entire procedure for cooking the perfect over easy eggs for what might have been the first time when I realized how much technique, and chemistry, influences whether food turns out the way I like and what feels good, or not. (cooking low heat at the beginning, adding black pepper especially and any other seasoning like paprika or garlic powder early, then flipping the egg and turning it on high heat all the way. Cook, to cook literally for just a couple seconds to simply “seal” over the uncooked egg, than serving. This only works though given it was cooked on low at the beginning. Otherwise, it would still be white jelly in the middle. It is important that it is basically cooked through to the point you need it cooked before the flip, because you're only going to be keeping it on for another 2 and 2 and a 1/2 seconds or something.)
Margarine agrees with my stomach. Much better than better. I don't know why. So does ghee- jono explained that this is actually what movie theater popcorn butter is. I totally taste and feel the difference.
Salt the water before boiling noodles. Always.
And instead to soak it in water, there's probably a good reason. If you boil it, the outside will likely become mushy while the inside stays undercooked.
Chop the thick stems of leafy Chinese vegetables separately from the leaves for a more even cook. Duh 😃 I don't know why it took me so long to think of this 😃
Adding lemon – I realized, back to the very basic food thing, that both for digestion and for taste, I really don't like food that is too basic. I haven't checked the chemistry for this, but it also just makes it feel less sulfuric. Hence lemon on fried fish (something taught to me when younger already)
Pay attention to the sequence if you're feeling picky of whether you put oil or soy sauce or vinegar or dry seasonings first on top of a salad, or baked foods. Remember that oil and water do not mix, like dissolves like, And this is quite obvious. But yes, dry seasonings get washed off if you add liquids on top. A practice that has become more common for me is seasoning the liquid at the bottom of a baked dish more than I used to. You don't just want the seasoning to be on top of the food; in fact, for things like black pepper, if you just pile it on there and you're cooking on high heat, it might even burn.
You can actually put onions in, green onions, closer to the end of the recipe. Recipe not only without compromising The taste, but actually making it better, then I anticipated. This effect is quite dramatic with cilantro. I noticed. If I'm making a soup with cilantro, it tastes less like cilantro if I put the cilantro to be actually boiled with the broth.. I suspect basil is similar to this.
Bruise basil. I love basil but never understood how people make it tasteable in cooking. Still working on this to be honest, I don't really understand. - huge tip: Grandma got from the internet the idea of freezing basil in olive oil. It turned out so fantastically; that that oil and herb after it came from the freezer tasted more fresh and more basil-like than any other basil I have ever had. Fantastic.
In my own cooking, this is merely preferential, but I am not above powdered garlic and onions. In fact, especially for soups. I find the flavor releases slower, in a more mucky for a very poor lack of better term, than fresh garlic. It gets in between the bits of every bite, cooking throughout the entire meal, differently ; maybe it's chemical composition transforming less than the juices of and garlic pieces. (Though not discouraging the use of actual garlic and onion, at all. I will say though that for the Chinese soy sauce sesame chili pepper, onion, cucumber salad, tend I do favor now onion powder instead of the fresh onions for most of it or even all of it when I'm on my own, because it feels less stuck in the back of my throat, staying in my breath, and affecting my stomach all day.
For me, boiling mushrooms before frying them or putting them in food like an omelette makes it so much better... And definitely save that mushroom water. Use it for the water that thins and is beat in with the eggs. Before you pour it into the pan. You won't regret it! It puts that delicious smell frame all throughout the egg, and prevents the mushroom pieces from feeling shriveled and hard, or from locking in uncooked egg. - the key aspect that got me to do this was because I was very tired of how mushrooms were basically oil sponges. I love mushrooms so much, but there came a time where I cooked some Portobello mushrooms as a steak. I was so, so excited to eat, and I could barely take a second bite. It was an oil sponge and that was neither healthy nor tasty nor something my stomach could handle. But on the basis of like dissolves like and oil and water do not mix because of polar versus nonpolar molecules, if I were to boil the mushroom first, it prevents it from taking in all the oil, including taking it away from the rest of the dish if the mushrooms go in earlier. Otherwise, I'd find myself having to add three times the amount of butter or other fats that I was planning on using. Just because the mushroom is mopping it all up and I would have to add more oil, and/ore more water to stop everything from sticking. But if it was water, it would indeed make everything else less tasty and cooked differently because now it is being steamed or broiled, not fried.
Going to be captain freaking obvious here, Mel, but he's heat speeds up chemical reactions. So if you find you put something in at the wrong time, no, keeping it on. The heat does not help. You go back in time as if because you're not done cooking because it's still on the heat, that means you have more time than you do. It's probably doing the opposite.
^ acids May speed up reactions too, such as tomato in an emulsification situation. This is why when I made the macaroni and cheese, not only where starch, water and heavy cream important for emulsification, the feeling that I noted that it wasn't a good thing when I added the green onions earlier rather than later, is valid. Same goes with adding the tomatoes. I still have to Google more about the onions, but I am more convinced of that than the tomatoes. I think I was over conservative this last time. I made it because of fearing overstopping the ulcification process and then I put the tomatoes in. If anything maybe a little too late and they more fresh than I'd have liked. (But it's okay; just a learning opportunity).
Onion and garlic are not interchangeable. I knew that already, but listen to my gut. Adding the bit of garlic powder to the other night's mac and cheese was definitely a mistake. It's okay, that was intentional experimentation. I did have the feeling wasn't going to be something I loved, but I'm glad I explored it.
^ When you make the soy sauce okra that also comes into play. Fresh or roasted garlic. All the way; maybe a dash of the powdered could be good too, but for this one I do quite prefer only the fresh real deal.
Adding a bit of butter and/ or margarine at the “bottom” / when frying the fragrant ingredients before boiling vegetarian soup broth. (Or any, I suspect. Though I don't know her from tasting it because I am a vegetarian lol.) It gives it a deeper flavor, enhances the umami of any mushrooms there and acts almost like MSG to me. Instead of adding MSG to soup. When I did get it, I just added the butter and/ or margarine and it did it instead in a way that I enjoyed and like more.** This is a big one though with vegetarian brothy stuff for me. A dollop of margarine (margarine for me, I prefer that over butter or increasing dairy consumption. Generally, the butter is freshly because my stomach is indeed sensitive to it- eggs cooked in butter versus eggs cooked in margarine can make all the difference for me depending on how it was cooked, health in the egg, possibly, etc.)
Remember, salt releases water.
^I said that already before, but it deserves to be said twice. It it genuinely changes the cooking experience, the bubbling of ingredients in the textures that are formed, flavors mixed, created, watered down, caramelized or not... So many levels. Pudding salt at the time that feels intuitive; the time that feels beneficial to change the way the bubbling happens, the temperature of the food even (ALSO: remember that salt melts ice - relevant for Frozen ingredients that you did not defrost - and takes water down a notch from boiling. Take that into consideration with your timing, not only flavor, Also, remembering that salt and water, continues to begin to more salt into the vegetables or ingredients in your food.
Remember to be diligent though it is hard to do so without anxiety or worry worry for an overthinker- it is true that if you mess up the chemical reaction in your cooking, This does enter into your ingredients very fast, especially on heat though not limited to it (as early as the first touch of soy sauce, or vinegar atop a salad of fresh or merely blanched vegetables though especially fresh).
Chef illustration (in progress/draft/def unpolished)
Note: sorry if this makes no sense. I am so tired but wanted to right to the idea of this down before going to bed. Hope something positive comes through for you <3
Like a cook who realizes they have made a mistake and cannot go back in the time fix it, though of course fellow workers and colleagues can be there to support, run to “to the head chef” who is kind, wise, and genuinely invites you to rely on him. Even as you explore “cooking” freely throughout your life, Do not let shame or fear convince you that under the heat of the moment, this is where you should try to just fix it by yourself; you never meant to disappoint. You feel badly, you feel embarrassed. You don't want to burden anyone else, and you hope to be able to just undo this so it never really happened.
We cannot change the past. But are ever wise, and loving. Heavenly father wants us to come to him. He wants us to run to him, to run to him first.
Heat tends to speed up chemical reactions, all the reactions that happen in cooking whether going right or wrong.
And yet, it is maybe the panic of it all that can make us clench down on trying to solve it ourselves. Maybe only getting our best friend in the kitchen who we hope could help us without judging us to fix it. But the longer you delay the harder it will be later.
God is not only pretending he wants to help you. To be your best self you can be, to grow, not to be consumed and cut down by mistakes but to face them, face the for real, work with him to make things right. With him, with others (especially accountable to both when you have hurt them), and yourself, too. Best as you can. He really wants to be there for you, closely.
Run to him. He wants to be there with you, for you, to guide you and make a success your life. And he has made it ever clear that your life doesn't have to be perfect, you don't have to be perfect for him to have decided you are worth it. He has decided this already. Each person, including you, are worth so much to him ♥️
(John 3:16; Luke 12:6,7 for a couple scriptures I hope you might find encouraging to this point.)
Remember, (dear friends and strangers with OCD, especially those with an appreciation for the Bible): there is no fear in love. And that doesn't not mean you do not love because you are fearful, I don't believe or have reason to. You don't not need to fear to love, and it means your fear is not the love. You don't have to be ruled by the fear to be listening to the love or to be acting on it.
"Do you want to feel helpful, or do you want to be helpful?"
(They are not always the same thing).
~~
Good thing to ask oneself.
This can sound either perfectly personally reflective, or perfectly one-sentence rant.
Who will ever know?
Does it matter?
(Just want it to be helpful, no? ;)
~~
Remember that the latter most often requires intentional listening, respectfully, seriously, yes even hubly taking *in* information from others you want to help. Not just putting out.
It is good to not approach life like we always know best, though I know I've definitely done my fair share of that before. It's important to keep trying hard, and trying differently to make efforts effective, to improve.
Grandma and mom drag me out to the Garden Center, seeing me stuck in my own little anxious world.
I photographed all the flowers, photographed by color palette for my quote" stock photo project so that I can always have color themed photos on demand as I'd like. I sent them to Emma and messaged nichelle a bir while I was there
At home, mom, dad, grandma and I had McDonald's ice cream in the backyard, taking the cats out for supervised outside time. Dad found the bag with the big bubbles and Play-Doh and I took out the sticks and Mom and I did both staffing while he made shapes. He pretended to pick it as food from the trees and shaped it into a Jamaican. Patty and pretended to pick it from a tree. I'll goofy as well. [Not sure what I was trying to say here, not that I'm even editing before putting here 😅😆]
I taught Mom and Dad the basic flow, move, forwards and backwards. And while I was trying to explain it to Mom, including backwards that I found so difficult myself, and next to Impossible with my left hand, very messy. Either way, something came up that helped me too. I told her the strategy that helped me for forward, imagine drawing a figure eight side to side around your body where there's graphite on the top tip of the staff. And then, the reverse one, imagine the graphite is just on the back end and now you're drawing from the bottom end.
Her and I struggled through trying to do this, and then I suggested, to her but really to both of us, to turn the stick upside down, so that the end with the white tag still on it wrapped around is on the bottom so that it's a little easier to see and visualize.
It made a big difference! I had tried doing this so many times and was so unsuccessful clumsy and it ended up looking like I was anxiously swatting bees. All of a sudden, I could do it and so could she! (Even though she literally just picked up the stick a couple minutes ago to learn this for this based flow lol. I had told jono mom wasn't natural, seeing how good she was for someone who literally just picked it up already. Able to twirl it. Today. Mom told me when she was a kid she actually had a baton. This turns out is our shared hobby!
I had fun doing this forwards and backwards, trying to walk around with it a little bit, and then accidentally hitting the little trees that planted themselves in the backyard over and over again, apologizing to them then hitting myself.
I ended up hitting myself actually really badly on the arm, so badly that I saw the distinct smack spot of the stick on the outside of my forearm and felt very notable pain trying to move the stick any longer.
Then something must have clicked again.
I was trying to work through this a little bit, stretch out my injured arm, get a sense of how bad this is, and maybe see if I can do a little bit more before nights end since I have the feeling this is going to bruise super badly (#silverlining Silver lining is knowing that loudest actually could be a non-lethal weapon in self-defense, I was imagining if I ever had this and it was my only form of defense, my whole approach would have to be try to do it looking very intimidating- as I told this to Mom, I did a funny mock intimidation monster stance, but no if this is what happened when I wasn't trying to, imagine what it could do if the intention was to make it hurt.
I was trying to work through this, forwards backwards, right arm left arm. And then something happened where I just started adding twirls on the up with my stick doing the figure eights as it was arcing over. It started going forwards. I realized and tried to do it again. And again. And I just did it repetitively every time I went around like an exercise consistently. And then, reversing the flow order. I dare to try it going in reverse... And to my very happy surprise, it worked!
Mom videoed for me this little leap within a day, and I also filmed hers as well so we both have progress videos from today.
This is a fun hobby together!
I showed her throughout this too, surprisingly comfortable, how I really want to combine this with ballet. Basically dancing around, but also doing the stick. We also talked about maybe putting little gradient ribbons on each end for a beautiful display, like a gradient of white to yellow so it doesn't even look like a different color but just a form of whooshing.
I remarked how much easier it is to do this when my leg is not shaking, or not too much. I also noted that it seems the more I do this, the less my leg shakes. Not only while I'm doing it, but even throughout the day. Mom nodded happily. She had noticed too ; it is helping me heal.
It's true. It's helping me get in touch with my body. It's me controlling my body instead of my body controlling me or having a melt on down on its own rather. Is helping me get in touch with my body, and control it but not by force, but floe. Just pure aggressive force against myself doesn't work, force doesn't work just like it doesn't work. Trying to force my leg to stop shaking or my body to stop seizing just force doesn't work with this, you need to flow with it. *
It's controlling my body, but not merely through force and trying to force it, but flow with it.
It is indeed doing its thing in healing. <3
Side note, it was hilarious when a mosquito buzzed nearly into my ear while mom was filming, and I freaked out waving the stick at it until my stick went flinging 😂 #memories #funnies #mom #family #dad #grandma #fekix #virtute #fun.
Unfortunately, Felix did abandon ship and did not do supervised outside time right today and went into the neighbor's backyard, virtue falling. I'm currently in the backyard in the dark (haha of course it's when my hair is in drying form with that clip on top of my head that I am filmed in daylight doing this lol - that's all right though, all part of the authentic experience. Mel, with her funny look with hair drying and pants flopping and random shirt tucked by still flopping... Making a progress video having fun with .on and dad. And hitting myself. LOL) waiting for them, and virtue just came back. When I offered her to go inside and get a treat, I heard Felix's jingle somewhere in the dark
The mosquitoes are coming back for vengeance. All my guard training is for naught lol.
* Almost forgot one of the best parts: Getting in touch with my body, healing my body and mind. Not through force, but through... The force ;) *** Someone else made a using the force joke today about it. Too.
This is a lot of fun 😊
~~
2gg: good time with my family in the backyard today (super good time :) #truefavourites; Time with our sweet cats,, enjoying ice cream with Grandma, active with Mom, and Dad's creative fun to; I said I wasn't be to be so detailed lol. Also the flowers like the ones at the Garden Center at fortino's we saw today, even nice interaction with the guy who worked there who said he liked my purse, and I got to compliment on the flower organization and color Flo; chatting with good friends like N2 and E3, and MC ❤️ #love, #gratitude #goodgift #perfectpresent #answeredprayer-healing happy and care- sounding so live, laugh. Love over here, but I'm pacing in the backyard getting attacked by mosquitoes. Trying to finish before I transition to inside so got to go bye!
~~
2gg: good time with my family in the backyard today (super good time :) #truefavourites; Time with our sweet cats,, enjoying ice cream with Grandma, active with Mom, and Dad's creative fun to; I said I wasn't be to be so detailed lol. Also the flowers like the ones at the Garden Center at fortino's we saw today, even nice interaction with the guy who worked there who said he liked my purse, and I got to compliment on the flower organization and color Flo; chatting with good friends like Nichelle and Emma ❤️ #love, #gratitude #goodgift #perfectpresent #answeredprayer-healing happy and care- sounding so live, laugh. Love over here, but I'm pacing in the backyard getting attacked by mosquitoes. Trying to finish before I transition to inside so got to go bye!
I keep having this recurring dream, where I am burning alive but I cannot die.
There is a cord I am tethered to on one end, and something terrifying just watching me on the other.
I desperately heave trying to cut this cord with an ax, but I can't, and I start screaming.
It takes different forms and levels of seriousness. Sometimes it is vivid and dark, and when I let the ax drop to my side, I scream like a banshee with flames reflected in my eyes. There is a flame of its own inside.
Other times I am drawn with ovals and a pencil crayon, On a paper background with a simple Horizon line.
I scream high pitched and almost comical. These are the days I can make myself laugh, and have a bit of dark humor.
But they mean the same thing.
I also call it a dream, even though it's more like a horrible daydream, because there is something easier about telling people about such a horrible scrne you're mindconjures when asleep, versus the full and conscious version of me seeing it in my mind when I'm awake.
In this vision I screamed to let me die. I turn to the person on the other end of the cord and screen that if I can't die then you should instead, so I can be free.
The Monster on the other end is the person who tactically poured the kerosene until the container was empty, struck the match, then simply wiped their hands with a paper towel and call themsleves clean since they aren't pouring kerosene anymore.
(Such a person could be called a terrifying monster.)
“I love you too much to let you die, though,” he says, standing a short distance from the firelight with the glow on his skin.
...Aw, “I want to,” one of my favorite sentences in the Bible. So brief, but so beautifully speaks to Jesus’ genuine compassion.
~~
2GG:
Mom
Creative bostaffing
Prayer
Outdoors, creation; animals, Fiasco (the baby starling recently saved, #reminder/#notetoself I need to make a blog post about her) , other birds and animals and more, pets, our pets. Felix’s sweetness, and the others’
Light and Answered Prayer
Ps 119:19
Your word is a lamp to my foot, And a light for my path.
Matthew 5:15,16
People light a lamp and set it, not under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it shines on all those in the house. 16 Likewise, let your light shine before men, so that they may see your fine works and give glory to your Father who is in the heavens.
Luke 11:33,34
The lamp of the body is your eye. When your eye is focused, your whole body is also bright
Answered prayer: Phil4:6-8
Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are of serious concern, whatever things are righteous, whatever things are chaste, whatever things are lovable, whatever things are well-spoken-of, whatever things are virtuous, and whatever things are praiseworthy, continue considering these things
I immediately did experience the peace of God that excels all thought. This is not something just a typical switch.
...It is okay to let that part to be; even lead. This is what Jehovah wants. You are more than allowed to be positive. He wants you to not hide or out it away, he wants you to let your light shine.
#answeredprayer
When I was younger, something that used to make me really upset was when my mother would trim the apple trees.
In a world that is too quickly urbanizing, the last thing I wanted was less tree, or to do what felt like subduing. Its natural beauty and characteristics. If it's nature, why would it we cut any of it off? Is it from your aesthetics?
She would tell me it's good for the tree, but I really didn't understand how that could be if this was its nature.
Many years later, I ended up working at a nursery. I learned how to take care of a variety of plants and one of my daily tasks was removing what we called the suckers off of the tomato plants.
These suckers were typically very straight branching offs of the main stem. They grew there by itself, it didn't mean the plant was bad. However, it turns out these suckers were actually sucking out important nutrients for the plant. And if we did not take them off, the plant would not do as well, fail to produce, or even dye much sooner than it had to.
Revisiting the apple tree in the center, I found it overrun by what I now knew were called suckers. These very upward facing extra branches, that I interpreted as the trees way of doing its thing just to get more sun that if it's natural it must be good, or actually what was causing my tree to die faster.
Today I prune probably 100 suckers off of this tree.
In a world that is so fake, dishonest; filled what's supposed to be beautiful actually contrived, and what's supposed to be good performative righteousness, it makes a lot of sense that if someone asked us to trim parts of ourselves, we'd say no way. This is who I am.
The suckers grew on the tree all by itself, and for the life of me I couldn't understand how just letting nature grow as it does without interference or removing anything at all, could be anything but an attack on beautiful and essential nature.
In the past, when we would do these huge cuts of the suckers, the tree looked so empty that I cried.
The tree kept growing, however.
And I came to see that my mother was right all along, that not everything that glows from the tree naturally is actually good for the tree.
When we cut off the suckers they produce more flowers, more fruit that can be propagated and feed animals and people around it, and the longer it can live and thrive.
There might be parts of our nature that just grow that we are told in the Bible to cut off.
If your eyes making you stumble, tear it out. If your right hand is making you stumble, cut it off.
Like a sucker, these often very straight, or at least non-conforming to the typical shape of the tree's branches, could be ways that we naturally do not conform to what is expected of us. And surrounded by the urbanization physically, and demonization morally, of our world. It is no wonder that we are afraid to cut anything off for fear of losing ourselves.
Jehovah is not going to tell us to cut off something that isn't a sucker.
In the past I was so conservative cutting them off, because some of suckers had gotten so big, I even saw apples growing off of them. How could this be bad?
And they are part of my tree’s unique shape, how could I cut any part of it?
This year, however, all the suckers that I left, I see many of them are beginning to shrivel and go dead, with that death making itself up the branches towards the trunk of the tree.
The longer you let suckers grow, the scarier it's going to be, in the more empty the tree is going to feel after.
But removing these things is not against nature, it is a sincere, good-hearted, free will interacting with what grows to support what is beautiful, natural, honest, and can be so enduring Beyond our imagination.
If I definitely do, the apples have become sweeter. Fewer, because so much of the tree is empty. After what I let grow. It scares me that to look at it sometimes.
But whenever the apples grow and I see them healthier, in the next year. I see the more regularly patterned branches thrive more, I recognized that this is not the beauty of the treat being lost. All trees are still different, this does not make this tree standardized or cookie cutter.
But it helps thrive, in spite of loss.
My tree is old and will not live forever. Some of the suckers were there so long and thick already, I will simply be managing their offshoots for the rest of its life.
But my tree is healthier than before. It's apples much more edible again.
And this year I noticed... An unfamiliar plant growing behind it.
Its next generation has begun, and I can switch it grow sitting from the middle of our apple tree.
...I made the lemon potatoes with black pepper, garlic powder, oregano, paprika, roasted garlic paste, vegetable bouillon, olive oil, and a little more water than I expected would be good but was actually perfect in the bottom of the pan that was being baked, and lemon juice, obviously. At the potatoes were cubed and boiled first before going into the oven : and then they were baked at 425° f for about 15 to 20 minutes to crisp them a bit. They turned out really well and hit the spot.
I'm a vegetarian but threw together this chicken dish my family has been living:
Chicken thighs
Worcestershire sauce
Water to dilute a bit for less salty but still juicy
Black pepper
While cut onion
Garlic and/or garlic powder
Paprika
Red pepper chili flakes
(The usual powdered ingredients lol)
Photo pre-baked, obviously
Autistic people: ugh I hate small talk, I don't want to talk about the weather!
Autistic people whose special interest is weather and climate: 👀
I had no idea that cloud types and crepuscular rays were such taboo topics for us autists :’)
~~
Not the pre-existing tags in my tags list 😂
funnies,memes,psych,psychology,Nature,nature nimbus,climate change,weather,
Making stew Mom's way, but vegetarianized with mushrooms and fake ground beef chunks instead of real beef.
Adding a bit of garlic powder, touch of butter in the onion/fake meat frying, a little more conservative on the black pepper, same on the celery (generous) and carrots and potatoes roughly; overcooking the veggies being fine to add to the sloppiness of the stew.
Seasoning with veggie bouillon, black pepper, bif of garlic powder, and just a pinch of salt in the pre-fying/caramelizing of the onions with fake meat before stewing.
And... The part I never realized... Cornstarch slurry 😅
Again 😅😅
~~
Having a conversation with Virtute.
(Meowing very realistically.)
~~
I'm a big girl now so I can have an Oreo before dinner.
PSA do not mess with me and my emotional support stick at no frills. (It's a sugar cane from fresh produce).
~~
It was both a happy distraction thinking about twirling the stick and Flo staffing, and also made me feel safe. It has been over a year I think since I have lost not felt panicked in the grocery store so this was really great!
At one point I was going to put it down so that I can more easily get a produce bag. But after I set it down, a guy turned and looked at me weird, and I turned back around fully and making full eye contact picked the stick back up, mentally saying “it’s mine!” (Like a dog.) he gave me a bit of distance but followed me around the grocery store. Inside an aisle, where I had the feeling he was going to make his way inside. Soon, when he did I started twirling the stick a bit, not wildly but solidly with both feet firm on the ground.
I did not see him again 😂
Threads post:
Girls: What are we doing to feel more "whimsical"?
https://www.threads.com/@livvybakker/post/DY6ZawfmdrP?xmt=AQG0OuA5Fe8694LateCBVTDC6HX7FMTGiS1i1YEGKqsbxMTVlpRySrTo5aRwxq2ryp0uqPWB&slof=1
What I would answer if I didn't want to maybe accidentally make people feel bad: I am doing stretches on the side of the bathtub when I am scared to get in, which led to me picking up staffing flow Arts again, which, although associated with combat and masculinity is something I am now doing with dance as an expressive art, which is making me feel more calm and free again, which is making me more whimsical in general. My flower pics have been pretty awesome whether happier or moodier or cuter ngl.
I feel buff by flowers.
(And the more buff I am the more it puts me in more flowers, apparently.)
Pic: me being cheeky with a crab apple blossom on my ring finger.
For legal reasons I cannot show this to anyone who knows me irl right now 😂
I think one of the issues with the way people are treating AI emotionally for artists, is that as a community we jumped really fast from, if you traced it, it's not real art, too. You could have a machine do the entire thing for you and it's now considered your art.
We skipped a few steps there.
If we can validate people tracing photos and just say that as art. But yeah, still be honest about the fact that you traced it out of respect for people who don't, sure. Think that is an intermediate step, but we skipped all the intermediate steps conveniently in ways that give favor to all these people who want to make money off of the world as an industry, but never put their heart into it before.
When I made the mushroom and onion omelette today I used half an onion, and sliced a large bowl of mushrooms.
It came out so good
I added a slight bit of salt to the mushrooms to release more water, but I think the difference this time is instead of letting be mushrooms just pojge up the margarine, when I put in the mushrooms I also added a bit of hot water. And then, that hot mushroom stewy stuff spread throughout the omelette.
My whole family liked it a lot and I am so glad.
I also added a bit of onion powder to the egg mix to spread the onions flavour
~~
#journal part:
I made brunch this morning while listening from the other room to the convention.
This isn't what I planned to do, but after last night’s stress I naturally ended up starting preparing a giant mushroom omelette. Enough for everyone; 16 eggs. Lots of mushrooms. One and a half onions. Black pepper, salt, and paprika to deepen the colour and sweeten the flavour.
I just defaulted to this without thinking about it. But I realize I have historically done this before.
Tension?
Make food, good food.
A lot. Whether at home, or with [redacted]. Make their favourite foods, make it beautiful on the table if I can.
And generally default to making or creating something, if I find I am stuck. (But won't give up. Which by default I don't go to).
Stuck?
Create.
No more good options?
Create one. Get to work.
Like the time I lost my tickets in the cart to the Hu concert, so I made fan art as an effort to get attention on the fandom’a website and someone may help me find tickets.
Although as I painted that blue Horsehead fiddle, Gouchebin watercolour style, with gold acrylic accents, I got into a flow and even accepted that maybe what I get out of this to fulfil my interest most is making this painting and this is good... It did work. Mina Hans noticed my painting, loved it, and notified me the moment ticket resales came up.
Get to work. Create.
Make something to make it better.
Everyone already seemed to make up this morning on their own. There was even a group hug.
It was good.
--
#silverlining
Not only are my glasses not broken, but it prompted me to adjust the nose pads more than I knew I could and now they fit way better than ever, not falling off half down my nose. Yay!
