Commentary on some of American Baron’s (Baron Ryan's) videos on instagram

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSfw-vMCemR/?igsh=MWRtZndvdWQ1eTYwag==

• “...But there’ no such thing as nothing”. That’s what N2 and I were just talking about 😅

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNqWNiCg_9C/?igsh=ODBwMDBuZmtkaDEx

• Franz Kafka’s letter

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DMb0pPFsbsQ/?igsh=MTRjbzliZXI4d3V5dg== 

• re @americanbaron - He's very binary in the way he explains things, and this kind of dialogue is exactly how I think. It doesn't necessarily end up stuck in an infinite loop all the time or but these double negatives and isolating feedback loops is the thing. And whether it proceeds forward ultimately it not thinking in circles does happen, but instead of just a flat circle I feel like it loops around like a curl or coil oftentimes progressing forward anyway.

• I have a crush on the character in the purple tee shirt

• ^Add - To clarify since I realize how that might sound, no that does not mean I have a crush on baron on the basis of what I said about the binary thinking or explaining. I also said I think like that and this also doesn't mean I have a crush on myself. 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DNgu3xrPYWj/?igsh=OGNmb3Bwbjc4ZXM5

• this is very Buddhist philosophy and very non-Buddhist philosophy at the same time

• I thought this was E when he was being cute. That this is how we would talk. I don't even remember anymore, and I hate that.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUmEXoICeva/?igsh=NGM3aDU5cXNlNmNo

• I don't believe in chaos theory anymore, though. I see free will, but God's ability to read the future, as a box within a box within a box. The outer boxes are higher dimensions. Flies can fly around inside their box, but they cannot leave the bounds of their own box. They have free will but not limitless power. And technically there are an infinite number of locations and ways of being to the fly to fly within the limited space, the same way there are an infinite number of numbers between any two numbers, but those infinite options are still limited to that space the fly exists between.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUmEXoICeva/?igsh=NGM3aDU5cXNlNmNo

• My reasoning is that the way I die is by definition/by its nature not something I need to remember lol

The muffin vs cupcake one - https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLfcHZcsYh3/?igsh=MW9wdnZ4bzVzOWZpdg==

• Ah yes the limits of vocabulary, and very related,  power of agreement. I love this subject. Reminds me of that quote by Abraham Lincoln about if you call a sheep’s tail a leg how many legs does it have. It emphasizes integrity, principle, and good faith dealing and communication over semantic loopholing.

• And yep I feel like this is a very relatable conversation to use for people, because I think most people do face that question at some point in their life of muffin vs cupcake (my argument is that all cupcakes are muffins but not all muffins are cupcakes but all muffins are cakes but not all cakes are muffins.) had almost this exact conversation.

• The Poverty exists because you and I all agree it does.

• I remember a couple men at the booth at Plan who I could tell were trying to make me think they are smarter than me starting to bring this up, but I was a lot better at explaining it than they were lol. (Yes, money only exists because we agree it does and this only has values because we agree it does. Because this is just paper or plastic, that is just metal. Numbers themselves are abstractions, for this is not the number three, these are a fingers being used a representation of an abstraction). We recognize things by what we call them, and value them according to what we agree it is worth. Hence a plastic bill with 20 written on it being worth more than a dime even though metal is harder to come by than plastic, but still, every time I recognize the $20 bill as more valuable on the basis of the agreement between us that it is. But it really is only that agreement that does this, and this really is driven home by the fact that you cannot eat money

^ Now that's such a convenient thing for someone who doesn't want to donate to apply to me asking for donations saying it's valueless, but if so valueless and this whole conversation is so still anyway why don't you put that red one in the box? (Don't worry I didn't really say that). 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXNHpF_Cf99/?igsh=MWtzN3hyeGQ5enYxbQ==

• Average conversation with my someone I know who both likes to lie and seems to think it's a good idea to keep doing that to me so he goes between playing dumb thinking this is a good idea and actually being dumb, which is actually just going between being dumb and being dumb because he evidently does not expect what happens in life when you decide to betray and deal in bad faith whose kindness you mistake as weakness, not recognizing that there very much are more powerful people than you who are also more kind than you. (The mistake of someone raised in a loveless home, I guess.)

Warrior

War.

I've never not known we are at war. I am at war.

It's not foreign to me to be thrown into even strangely harsh battles.

But it's not the harsh battles that's the surprise, it's that it's here because of someone from our own side. A traitor.

And it’s him.

That makes it so much worse.

All of life is perform or be controlled and I want off this planet.

It is the second day two of my period in April of the worst year of my life

b&w, to make it both soft and bold at the same time.

b&w, to make it both soft and bold at the same time.

Softened, but expressive. Gentler for my eyes, and a little kinder on my soul. (Authentically.)

This might be the most painful photo I have ever taken.

~~

My bathroom is usually clean. I am going to make it that again, soon. 

I think most of the best relationships start where the woman is more "aggressive" or forward, but the man loves no less of not more, in the sense of imitates Christ's readiness towards self-sacrifice towards the congregation, towards his wife.

      Many people have said it's best when the man loves more. I think Ephesians 5:25 is exactly what this means.

"Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it." - Eph 5:25

Know the difference between patience and negligence

Be careful that if you are telling someone to be more patient, that you're not actually telling them to add to their patience, negligence.

Jesus and God know the difference.

Protection of This Military Even Though I am Very Tired

I know I keep posting these ones, but I keep learning that it's true all over again.

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent they are honest with themselves.

Militant realism and radical honesty have kept me company a lot lately. 

And every time, the truth is still the right answer.

(Even when it is in my own favour, too. No matter how hard I may find that to believe.)

Language Learning

Mandarin is boy-repellant

...

Cantonese is girl-repellant

I still love leaves

I tend to love the flowers and the fruit most. I love leaves, too, but I usually choose a plant for more than it's leaves.

However, if the tree does not have the resources it needs to survive, you must cut the flower buds, and save the leaves.

Otherwise, you will never see the flowers again anyway.

It is still a flowering tree in itself. It is still a fruit tree. But before the fruits, before the flowers, come the leaves.

And if you can't even save much of the leaves, remember its roots and its seeds that may someday sprout again.

I hope when you finally find the short end of the blanket the tag is in your face.

Random, but this seven pound weighted blanket is such a win.

我的心新中文名字：林江

I like my new Chinese name. A lot. :)

林 lín

江 jiāng

~~

I also love the nickname / gamer tag name Meow/Miao, still. But I am glad to have this for when I feel like it, and something more like this tjay I love for the everyday as the baseline. 

Freediving, Holding One's Breath, & Choosing to Live

I think this was good for my clarity of mind, to wade out into the deep like that past the tips of my toes to tread water, in a similar way to the way diving has been for me in the past.

Because when you are underwater, every second you hold your breath is a choice to keep living.

Being underwater, making b that choice again every second, showed me the parts of me that still that wanted to live. Parts I didn't think existed anymore, or that I couldn't access outside of the water. And I was happy to see myself make that choice.

Of course you're jealous. In every photo she is filled with flowers, and you are only leaves. And you stay that way because you refuse to grow, because you refuse to have real roots.

And if you keep this up long enough, you will one day look in the mirror and see only plastic.

You have heard of bi panic, now get ready for INXJ panic!

Ooh I just started using "Smæ" again

Ooh I just started using "Smæ" agai in place of "Same" when texting.

I love it when little personal human and quirky or expressive things cycle through again. 

Like fun, thought fashion within one's own mind.

~~

Also, went on a really nice walk today!

There were methane bubbles coming out of the pond; a thick tadpole; countless snail shells; someone playing loud music and singing karaoke in a home nearby; puffy robins; three muskrats seen from a vantage point. And, there were very tall, fluffy fragmentes with an adventurous walkway through the middle. They glowed at their tops with golden hour, swaying in the breeze with birdcalls of red-winged blackbirds, mourning doves, starlings, and Canada geese* in between.

Another bird I couldn't identify flew silently overhead at one point. I wondered if it could be an owl.

Another time I may try to upload some audio recordings, and videos. And idea came who today to overlap bird calls and other nature sounds over music to make ringtones. (Someone remarked that red-winged blackbirds sound like a phone alarm, which gave me the idea. Just bird calls would be wonderful, but I am afraid I wouldn't identify it as an alarm at all).

*Locally known as "the cobra chicken"

MRI Music

During the MRI it was loud, and there were a couple scans I hated. But actually, not only did they give me earphones to make it less loud, but I actually kind of liked hearing most of the rhythmic scans; it was like music and I was making up malodoes and harmonies and composing different parts on top of it in my head. A couple reminded me of Mongolian music with a Horsehead fiddle, and others reminded me of futurism, and different cinematic scenes ran through my mind as the "music" played and an imaginary soundtrack was built. It was actually enjoyable 😆

SBTI Personality Test - The MBTI Alternative I Was Not Expecting

https://sbti.dev/en 

Thank you to the person who shared 🙏🏻

Honestly I was expecting all of them to be complete jokes, but... Yeah. 😂 

(SBTI - Silly Behavioural Type Indicator, your "internet-poisoned" personality type, and yes it is supposed to be horrible).

~~

After being shocked by this goofy but almost certainly nonrandom result I had to revisit the homepage. I actually have not been shocked by being called out like this since MBTI; how do they know my coping mechanism?

Turns out this uses five different personality models in one. 

This is hilarious. And also sl comprehensive I can't help but wonder what else can be gathered from it. However, I wouldn't even push for it. MBTI has gone far enough in pop culture, lol. The ridiculousness is probably the best way of keeping the gun and entertaining aspect without it being taken too seriously.

~~

My result:

THAN-K

Standard outcome

The Thanker

I thank the heavens. I thank the earth.

Quick read

THAN-K people possess a supernatural ability to turn irritation into gratitude with terrifying speed. Traffic jam? Excellent, now there is more time to listen to this beautiful song and study the anxious faces outside the window. Bad weather? Wonderful, now the universe has offered a new angle from which to appreciate existence. Their softness is real, but so is their power. A THAN-K friend is like carrying around a renewable energy tower that runs on perspective and grace. Even mildew in the corner of a wall can become a Van Gogh sky if they are the one describing it.

中文：

THAN-K

标准人格结果

感恩者

我感谢苍天！我感谢大地！

人格速写

恭喜您，您测出了全中国最为罕见的人格。您应当感谢我！感谢您在此刻拥有了生命的滋润！倘若您上班路上堵车了？您也应当说一句：我感谢这次堵车，它让我有更多时间聆听这首美妙的歌曲，并欣赏窗外每一张因焦虑而扭曲的脸庞，让我更珍惜内心的平静。是的，THAN-K拥有温润如玉的性格和海纳百川的胸怀。他们眼中的世界没有完全的坏人，只有“尚未被感恩光芒照耀到的朋友”。拥有一个THAN-K朋友，就像身边多了一个永不枯竭的正能量发射塔。TA甚至能帮你从墙角的霉斑里发现一幅梵高风格的星空图。

Predators are like sharks. They smell who's already bleeding.

It is so backwards that the more terrible things happen to a person, the less people believe them. People say they are trying to be victims because it sounds like too big of a coincidence of all that happening to one person.

Well yes, that is the point. Its actually almost certainly not a coincidence. Predators are like sharks; they smell who's already bleeding. 

And that is why it is so extra important to take issues seriously the first time.

And what a lot of people don't understand is when they hear statistics reports about how bad things are in general, if your thought is "well I'm around and I haven't noticed it being that bad" you have to understand that the situation is not that the average report is fake, but that it's because someone else is bearing your share of the suffering that makes up that statistic.

It is so important to believe and take victims, especially children, seriously the first time.