I think this was good for my clarity of mind, to wade out into the deep like that past the tips of my toes to tread water, in a similar way to the way diving has been for me in the past.
Because when you are underwater, every second you hold your breath is a choice to keep living.
Being underwater, making b that choice again every second, showed me the parts of me that still that wanted to live. Parts I didn't think existed anymore, or that I couldn't access outside of the water. And I was happy to see myself make that choice.
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