"Selana, a pleasure to see you again."

"The pleasure’s all yours."

~~

The wolf horse rat bats in the Ahsoka series remind me of Luna 💛

I realize how much she led to me embracing yellow more, so wholeheartedly, and white, too

🤍

*And the cat is just like Virtute

~~

"There'll be no negotiating with the apprentice of Anakin Skywalker."

*Ahsoka comes riding in across the mood on a rat wolf horse bat*

The Ahsoka show's writing has not done what I was hoping for my favorite character, but that line does go pretty hard.

Sometimes I gotta give up so that I can un-give-up

You know?

Here I have been, at the end of my rope, doing what I always do. (No options left? Create something. Today and yesterday and the days before, creating my ways into connection across a gap that feels impossible to get across).

N2?

At the end of her role, she drives over to encourage a young person and leaves energized.

Funny how we do that.

How funny it is, I really do go all out once I let myself decide to give up or say no.

(It really becomes my choice, then, it seems.)

And would you look at that: a friend c send *me* a dahlias painting in the mail. 🩷

 

Star Wars E-Card Sketch for a Friend

 

I knew he would be a prophet lightsaber person.

Sketches, colour collages, and OCs inspired by many friends I love

 Yep. And I did the same thing with fanfiction, making OCs inspired by my friends both to honour and feel close to them even in a violent solitude.

...

I probably won't tell them about the OCs. They might think it is weird.

But I am secretly checking in with them to see what elements of a fictional world they might like, and see how much of that I was naturally right about versus what is news.

It's little pieces of the ways I love them being carried around, even when they're not here with me at the time.

...

Yes. I hardly even write and narration for them.(Also the OCs themselves do not have strange things about them. I just and empathizing with others and might feel a little self-conscious if I knew they made a character inspired by me).

It's almost like "sketching" them, just in another world that I am allowed to exist in more than this one. Even though this is the world they really belong to.

So, I can let them stay safely in this world where they belong. But still take a piece of my love for them into exile with me.

~~

N2 and I discuss our little glowing lights so often, it was fun putting together collages based off our conversations and artistic intuition about people.

https://photos.app.goo.gl/M9ddfqMjdwDPmZUk7

 I buried my sword but that was not the right answer.

"Cautious as serpents, innocent as doves."

My voice shakes. 

My voice always shook, didn't it?

Years it was hard to breathe

The focus is intended to be not on theology, but spirituality, mindset, and positivity.

"Your voice is shaking" was weaponized again and again.

And maybe it will shake forever.

There are stories behind poems and other things I say that I will never tell you,

And I know it's exactly the same the other way around.

It doesn't matter if we are a person who has that invisible "tell me your life story" hanging on our foreheads.

It just isn't going to ever be an exact translation or transmission of every detail for someone else to judge, and it isn't supposed to be.

There is a concept I made up as a young person my belief in was shaken for a while

Because mindset affects your feelings, and feelings motivate actions. I don't want people to be... To be hurt.

I am the perfect example of what can happen.

So maybe careful to not listen to me too much in the ways it sounds like I suggest, and instead consider 

Someday my staff will stop spinning, but the world won't. 

Someday I will not be here, but what comes after that?

Everything.

Everything comes after that. And that is a beautiful thing. 

The fruit markets will continue to rush with energy and leisurely selectiveness,

People will still hear the birds,

Birds will still hear the birds.

The earth will still move imperceptibly slowly to us and hurtle through that galaxy. (with something of me still on it, even.

(I would say "probably, unless I get launched into space first or something, but all the curly hairs I dropped will still be here.

They will not not be thinking, they will not be doing; for there is neither rplans nor knowledge in the grave, is what I believe. But they will be allowed to simply be, which is more than I can say of myself some days.

I am proud of them for that, proud of the world. Proud of the trees for growing again and letting go when the seasons exhale their breaths.)

Inhale love, exhale truth

It sounds the opposite, doesn't it? 

And argument could be made that it us

Be Alright Remix - Fasetya

(With spoken words on audio; without spoken words)

“I am determined to keep him a good thing in my life.”

“I am determined to keep her a good thing in my life.”

“I am determined to keep them a good thing in my life.”

“I am determined to keep this a good thing in my life.”

“I am determined to keep Him a good thing in my life. He always has and always will be good to me, come what may.”

It could be called a big secret (or not) that part of my process is that the music is not always on when I film and then post something and then put music over it. 

But there is a chance I am probably thinking about the song in my head anyway. (Or not, but sometimes. But that's why the videos in that series I think landed so naturally without me having to think about it with the songs, because I just chose the songs that I have been listening to a lot anyway even though there was no music on while I was doing staff flow, and my body carried on rhythm from those songs in ways appropriate to the song. Not necessarily always all in beat, but often kind of dividing themselves without me adjusting the pacing of the video at all. I did end up stitching together some videos and so yeah that's why it would stay on or whatever in some parts. And the thing with Flo is it has a regular rhythm enough. You can almost have two things going at the same time. So that gives an advantage. But in terms of the ways that I speed up and slow down, music and dance, therefore for me also flow Arts, will repeat certain motifs. That's making me capable of putting together dance videos to songs I haven't even picked yet. And I will be continuing to use some editing from now if I want to do that more freely. Because before I just straight up post the whole video put a song on and that's it. And I love that too. I'm sure I will be doing more of that as well. But for other videos, that is part of the magic of flow Arts for me. I'm listening to the music in my head often times, nearly always in some periods of life as I go through life, and it simply comes out in the way I move when it's time for me to be absorbed in the feeling.

No, I would not do that in a fight. Adrenaline would kick in and there would be no consideration of such a thing lol even *if* I became delusional and idiotic. 

Nobody starts dancing in the middle of a fight. 

Fight is about survival.

And that is interestingly exactly how I arrived at this hobby.

“Swords into ploughshares”.

Because I did pick up a stick in a time before. Never did have the circumstances fortunately to fight with one. That would ould have gone badly.

But yes. To help me with real training for real fighting. War.

War and peace is a recurring theme for this reason, in my art. Physical flow style or otherwise.

And that is why my bio is what it is. And even the name referring to a reed is kind t as juxtaposition but about something beautiful I've had to be taught, the be more of a green reed that bends in the wind and recognizing or seeing it at stronger than the mighty oak that breaks in a storm. 

I need to be able to bend, while I let myself move and be. And that was a very terrifying thing to do walking out of the situation I just did. I was very scared; but the one thing I am grateful to my ex for if that he put me in such a do or die that the fact I am making choice became such an obvious thing it worked just fine for my otherwise very gray thinking, because it told me exactly what to do without questioning myself after a point eventually. (Ironic, isn't it?)

You have to choose.

Earlier tonight I was thinking it's like I know others are a person like tuning in on a radio. I know the other radios are radios because I can tune into them. But you can't tune into ones own radio

But then I thought, "well only a radio can tune in to the radio"

But someone can see and recognize a radio without being a radio, so back to the starting line but it was an interesting thing to think about, regarding "I can tell everyone else is a person, but I don't know if I am.”

 Sorry but what is up with every single infp in the world right now? Are you guys okay?

Relative to the baseline

~~

Followup from yday sending all the stressed people some love and "look at the sky"

I see the Italian market in the movie.

I think of today; knowing I don't want the treatment.

“What comes after me?” I think.

Everything. Everything goes on and comes after, and that is such a beautiful thing.

That may be a wonderful thing to have as a last thought, or among them.

Got stuck in an elevator, 7/10 would recommend. Would have been better if the walls were cleaner to lean on 

^ not even joking. (I think something may be wrong with me 😅) it was funny at first. I just figured I must be dissociating and that's why it feels like time is moving so slowly. Nope, the elevator doors actually should have opened. They are not opening. I felt a wave of relief. Is something good realizing I can now text everyone and say sorry. I'm stuck in an elevator! And no one will expect anything from me. 

I've been so tired, I've been so tired to be on demand, I'm not Netflix 😂 (I told my mom that)

It made me worry if maybe I'm becoming avoidant. 

It has been a pretty completely insane couple weeks though with everybody texting me. Maybe don't assess as the average, what is the exception; and just keep an eye out, discerning, honest, open, positive in the way of true positivity not toxic. 

"He is more stoic, and gray, watching the stars while I try to come down from them.”