We put so much emphasis on the year, decade, century. I want to be more like my dog though. Thank you for today, whatever day it is.

"You make me like myself. Just a little."

“Just thinking about you makes me hate myself!”

Tomorrow, December 31st 2019

Today is the last day there will be any children or teenagers from the 1900s. As of tomorrow, December 31, 2019, they will all be 20 years or older.

Sometimes you read a story, and at a point just know there can be no happy ending.

You can then choose to put the book down,

Or to see it to the end.

I don’t miss people. It’s like I just don’t have that function anymore.

I’m just happy with the way things were left or I’m not,

So I rush to the end,

Just because I know it’s going to end and I want to make it a happy one.

Edit Dec 28: I take it back.

Swallowing the stone

I swallow the lump in my throat like a stone. The stone that sinks deep into the ocean inside me without a splash, perhaps just one drop. Then it sinks down into deeper and darker blue until the bottom, where it lies quietly with the other feelings. Still inside; just quiet.

Just let the stone sink.

(variation from October 2017's "Grieving/Stones")

I have Baby Yoda fever

Not even an actual Star Wars fan but he's so cute.

Painting by Melody Tadeo

A favourite childhood memory: going to blockbuster to pick out a movie and sometimes a snack at the cash register, too.

Being good at using the brain

Ok this might actually be dumb but i think I just figured out what intelligence is. It's how good a person is at sing their brain; and that is why there are so many different types of intelligence.

Even a fighter with reflexes reflexes by this definition could be considered having that form of intelligence. They are good at knowing to put their body and can think of it very quickly.

Sad Koala :(

Image source: Majesticanimals.net/Heartbreaking images
of confused koala after discovering its home has been cut down

:'(

For anyone wondering, the article attached to this photo explains that this koala survived and is ok. She had suffered some injuries and was taken to an animal hospital where she is in much better condition.

Also, in correction of a previous post, the report in November 2019 that koalas are "functionally extinct" was erroneous. Though they do still need our help, to be considered "functionally extinct" a species must fall within the criteria below:

1. The population is so low that they no longer play a significant role in their ecosystem. Eg. There are so few they don't put significant dent in what they prey on

2. "A population that is no longer viable", or there are none left able to produce.

3. "Finally, functionally extinct can refer to a small population that, although still breeding, is suffering from inbreeding that can threaten its future viability".

Although the label of "functionally extinct" was erroneous, it did come from the very real sitaution that they are in trouble.
If you would like to donate to help koalas specifically, Living With Koalas has put together a nice list of charities to help them:
http://livingwithkoalas.com.au/home/koala-charities/

Sources:
PBS
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/koalas-may-be-functionally-extinct-but-what-does-that-mean
majesticanimals.net https://www.majesticanimals.net/heartbreaking-images-of-confused-koala-after-discovering-its-home-has-been-cut-down?fbclid=IwAR1tco5hYcynTQeESOwBdCSQNACQuB-YTQFHrBu44gUhcXBFBcocExqZTuY

Written 2019-10-21, Posted to sister blogs NN and L~W 2019-12-17, last edited 2020-01-15

Little things in November

It's not November anymore, but a little thing on a walk with my sprightly jack russel, Luna, has really stuck with me.

Ontario is known for its bitter, humid cold, and the combinations of countless browns and white that paint the landscape. But sometimes underrated is the beauty of this time and in its little things when we stop to smell the crisp air.

 

(co-posted on Naturenimbus.blogspot.ca)

One person's foolishness does not excuse another person's maliciousness.

This is one area where I really appreciate some things the Bible has warned, and feel like it has helped me:
Don't be dumb, you'll get hurt.
Don't be evil, or you deserve to get hurt.

"cautious as serpents but innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16).

Imagine a life where you didn't have to wash your hair. That would be extreme luxury.

How I describe imperfection and free will

You know when you go to the store and grab a grocery cart, and it has a messed up wheel? It's still up to you to steer but it is always inclined to go off, and it won't just move in a straight line. That's imperfection.

Your path will waver and you might hit a few things. But in the end you are still in control of the cart. That is free will.

Edited 2020-02-17. (I said "store" again instead of "cart". *facepalm)

So glad there are only a few more hours left of this messy semester... Pretty sure the college is trying to turn all the environmental technicians into protesters instead. At least we're learning to be assertive lol

Everybody in environment

As difficult as it can be at times, something I love about being in environmentalism is how everyone is working together with and for everybody. Nothing else about a person matters when you're working together in environment.

There is a scripture that says the Creator allows the sun to shine on both the wicked and the good. Usually reading that a takeaway lesson is that no matter who a person is or what they do, we should not withhold good treatment from them, or how the Creator wants everyone to have good things.

However, it also comes to my mind when it comes to environmentalism. It has always been so difficult to choose a cause, but environmentalism really is for everybody on this planet, and it is a cause that people can be fully united in.

 

Thoughts on Tangled

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like when people are arguing about fictional princesses most people are missing something really huge about Tangled. This is a classic case of emotional and psychological abuse, and I think Rapunzel is actually a good example for survivors.

She has been captive in a horribly psychologically abusive situation her whole life, but is still this positive ball of sunshine who has maintained her own dreams and aspirations and sense of who she is deep down. And she keeps pushing forward even though as she experiences, recovery isn't linear. Like a real victim of long-term abuse, she has these mental blocks, as she cycles through the highs and lows of feeling insanely guilty for removing herself from the situation and thinking of going back, and the manic high of finally being free where she's out of control and doesn't really know how to be a functioning adult. Later, when she realizes what has been going on fully she even gets angry.

It's true Flynn ultimately saves her, but like many survivors part of her process is attaching herself to another survivor of a very difficult childhood, despite her abuser trying to keep them apart to maintain control. And I think it's really sweet what she does for Flynn also, she makes him okay with being Eugene again. Rapunzel doesn't really know what she's doing but can you blame her she has literally been locked up her whole life, but she amazingly rises above her situation and instaed of becoming bitter becomes better.

A Vision

This morning I woke up with sleep paralysis, but instead of seeing creatures I woke up to an explosion. The bomb was coming and I was shocked; we hadn't even heard any threats on the news, there was no time to tie up loose ends, to say goodbye to our loved ones, and most of the things I have been worried about didn't matter. Some strangers' conflict was about to burn us all. And I saw the bright yellow glow menacingly through the window in my room and felt the start of the burn just before I was incinerated and woke up fully.

This has happened to people before, only they didn't wake up. And just as it would be unfair to everyone here is was unfair for them.

It takes courage to do something in a creative, nonstandard way. To risk the reaction, to risk it not being new anymore. But then you expand in your creativity when you're not so afraid of letting it go. You're not losing it, you're setting it free to grow and be built upon later.

But you have to set it free.

Sometimes I pretend to not remember things about people or act surprised when they tell me as if they didn't before so that I don't freak them out with how much I remember about them.

Memory today: Watching 80s-present music videos with the fam
~~
Also, this guy is part of my tribe:

"It's official: Native Americans and Siberians are Cousins"

https://www.rbth.com/science_and_tech/2016/02/23/its-official-native-americans-and-siberians-are-cousins_569517?fbclid=IwAR3FAWwt5A9Bjf57ecxpq5L7qUVp7BRpRnLbHDY7eGdR6swUcFQzbRwZcJ0

Singing a different song

Have you ever tried remembering the name of a song you couldn't remember, while another very loud, and very different song is playing?

It's really hard, especially at the beginning. It may take you a while, but then maybe you just have to remember one word or phrase that stuck with you, a part you know well. Then as you keep singing to yourself, it gets easier and easier, and eventually you feel your own song in your head even louder than the one that's playing, and before you know it you are moving to the beat of your own drum.

The catch is, you have to keep singing.

This is what attitude is, and this is what it is to be a free spirit. A free spirit may or may not choose to dance along with what is playing, but what is sure is you have to keep singing.

(The song I was trying to remember: Afterglow by CHVRCHES)

~~

It's hard to stay sensitive in a harsh world. Just keep singing. And if you have stopped, start again, even if it's hard.

Grocery meals for when you forget your lunch

When I'd forget my lunch or be in too much of a rush in the morning, my go-to meal is to go to a grocery store and buy a whole bag of bagels and a whole container of cream cheese. Maybe grab clementines too, or even a box of granola bars if I'm with people.

Then I find some sort of utensil for spreading and bring the rest home with me as groceries instead of paying a lot for a restaurant meal.

Instead of paying $2.50 for a single bagel with cream cheese at Tim Horton's, I'm paying a little more for today's lunch and future easy-to-pack lunches.

If I ate meat I'd buy some cold cuts too when I was feeling fancy, and just use the free bags for produce to wrap it. And then get some pre-sliced Italian bread.

Avocado would be nice, though you need to make sure you have something to cut it.

Or cheese and crackers. If you can't get a hold of utensils, you can use cheese strings or the Babybell mini circles in the wax. You can even pick fancy crackers.

I've also bought containers of muffins, although normally I'm not feeling like muffins in the middle of the day (they're more like cake, and they burn my throat with all the sugar).

Boxes of rasins are another option if you do want sugar, or guava cheese.

A can of tuna with the tab and crackers. Though the can with the tab is usually pretty pricey. Have also bought resealable bags of baby carrots, and ready-to make salad kids. (Those kits are also expensie, and usually have meat in them).

And when I'm feeling super fancy (and ready to carry home some heavy stuff), a bottle of Boathouse

Just checked google. Yogurt is a good idea too, and bulk nuts (But I'm picky about types of yogurt.)

Wow someone else wrote something like this!
https://www.healthyeatinghub.com.au/7-convenient-supermarket-meals/
I like the smoked salmon idea. I've nearly done that a few times with the bagel, but am always afraid it'll make my backpack smell like fish.
Forgot they have precut and washed veggies in many places now.

It's strange how the new worst day of your life can make you no longer fear the remnants of the former worst day of your life.
(backdated by one day)

I could drive on the highway at night forever. and think and watch the lights and see their lines when I squint my eyes

Look around. The last time my body will be in this place, but the highway and the building beside it and everything here will keep going on even after.

I have lived thinking the highway and it’s lights were for me. And maybe we do have something special. In a way the way they are for me, because I am the only one who sees them quite this way, but it makes me happy to know this place and this ground I traveled over will still be here when I’m gone.

I am in wondering if the lights ever time. I tend to look at everything like it’s my first time seeing it, but today I tried looking at it as if it was my last.

The highway I have gone over hundreds of times. Imagine if I knew this was my last time. It feels so different.