“True” and “untrue”

It makes me concerned when people feel the need to classify everyone into the category of true friend or fake friend. I hate it when people have called my friends untrue because they don't chase me or they cancel often. Ok I'll call that flakey, not untrue. I don't think it's that black and white.

although good parents aren’t always right

When we grow up we realize that good parents aren’t always right,
But that they do want what’s best for us.
Would you rather trust someone’s mind or their heart?
Of course we want both, but if you had to pick one over the other, which would it be?
Listen to what they have to think, then think about it yourself. That is the way around he problem. It doesn’t mean you inherently will or inherently will not come to the same conclusion, but good parents are worth hearing out, and considering seriously, because it’s coming from the person you can rely on to want the best for you.

Moods October 22, 2018

We need to make this a meme with a picture of Marlin Talking to little Crush son from Finding Nemo saying, "You’re really cute but I don’t understand what you’re saying!"
~~
Sometimes I think people confuse “I’m doing my best” and “I’m not going to listen to any advice.”
If doing your best as is isn’t working then maybe changing the approach to listening to advice will help.
~~
This morning I got distracted by anger and can’t find a funny thought about something to say to people if they say something to me. But I don’t remember what either of those things are.
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"Remember when you said you want to live like an island person?"

Everything in Syracuse matches

Everything in Syracuse matches. Even the new buildings. Even the graffiti, the boldest one made it blue.
Everything here is brown and beige and red, with a touch of green and the even smaller touch of blue.
Even all the ads seem to match; they’re for Coors light.
Except this lawyer ad. They’re lawyers though.
The matchy-matchy city. We saw it peaking out between mountains covered in autumn trees.
They’ll even match their forest in a few weeks from now, in deep autumn, when the only leaves left are red and brown.
I have never seen burgundy and grey-beige graffiti before.

^memory with mom on our trip to New York 2018

I don’t feel able to let my thoughts and feelings flow through

Holding so fast to “just don’t let things get to you”

Brain zaps feel like little earthquakes in my head.

“I don’t mean to try to justify my mistakes, but there is nothing left but for me to be honest now.”

Now introducing the tag: prompts

(Will be adding to some old posts soon too)

Sometimes I wish I was built a little less warrior, and a little more artist

I wish I was built a little less warrior, and a little more artist.

I’d like to be fighting less and creating more.

In fact, I’d like the whole world to be that way.

But I just can’t keep my hands to myself, and I always go back to the fight.

(Title edited Dec 28, 2019)

Proof of Change - December 2018, buried in October

Many people I know are very embarrassed and ashamed about the kind of person they were in the past. Maybe at a time they were going through something nobody knew about, or maybe they were just ignorant, or immature, or didn't know any better.

Out of the people I know who have told me how ashamed they were of who they were at another points in time when I knew them, I can confirm that in my eyes none of them nearly were as bad as they think they were.

We were all young and dumb at one point.

But what if you think you were the absolute worst, and nothing could or nobody would convince you otherwise?

Maybe you were the worst.

If you really were the worst, be living proof that even the worst can change.

As long as peoples' bad memories of you are no longer reflective of who you are now, I believe you have the potential to make up for it with good in the world. You might not run into them again, but as you keep living differently, treating all those around you now well, I believe you can be redeemed. Because the people you know now have bad memories of other peoples they won't see again, so you can make up for theirs, and somebody else can make up for yours.

You are a perfect stranger to so many people, and they are strangers to you. Everybody has made mistakes others know about, and others don't know about.

But if you do run into them, those people who would remember you badly, maybe in a short moment they will be able to learn that even the worst can change, which is a powerful lesson. And if they refuse to see that, if they refuse to forgive, then the problem no longer lies with you but with them, for they too have made mistakes.

I write all this because I have felt what it's like to want to forget the kind of person I Was, and to forget people who hurt me. Sometimes I am so ashamed of the kind of person I was, of my faults, and embarrassed of their outcomes, and seek redemption. Yet when I run into old friends they usually treat me so much more kindly than I feel I deserve, and I really appreciate that.

But I also am a person people might want forgiveness from. I was bullied, quite harshly by some. It did its damage, and I have a lot I could be very resentful about.

To this day, I hate the colour green. If you bullied me, you might understand why. I'm not going to lie to you and say it didn't do its damage.

But I'd want you to know that I forgive you for it. You are free to forgive yourself as long as you put those actions in the past and leave them there, an don't let them come back and touch anyone else.

Because we all need forgiveness, and to change.

“Socially, you just wear a windbreaker and I wear a hoodie. You seem cold on the outside and I let things get to me.”