Chemistry is pretty much hazardous baking.

Impluse in Art

There is something impulsive about art, and perhaps it is part of the reason why so many artists have problems with being impulsive in some way. (Though it is not always considered a problem by all individuals).

      Part of art involves giving into what you want as it is happening. The more honest and true to the desire or vision it is, the better the art tends to turn out. Overthinking can block artistic action. You don't want to overthink it.

      But you can also overdo it. Another part of art is knowing when to stop. Sometimes I will keep impulsively adding details until it is overdone and I can't go back.

     It is about being impulsive to a limit of what makes that particular piece perfect.

     That's something great about writing. You can go back and make edits without having to start all over, and it is completely possible and now often easy with technology to  perfectly save three different drafts of the same thing without losing anything.

Excerpt of Swimming Alone: Beached Whale

Bathwater washed over my body like a beached whale. 

     I moved my arms to make waves strong enough to go over the roundness of my thighs.

     A beached whale with scars all over. Scared or not whales are breathtaking living out the wild, not when they have beached themselves. There is nothing glorious about that at all.

     I'd rather be swimming in the ocean.

- Excerpt of Swimming Alone, © Melody Tadeo 2019

I like the redness of my feet and toenails when I come out of warm water (though usually a shower, not bath #gowaterconservation).

When Google ads thinks you’re having a baby because you’re always searching up names for characters.
#writerproblems

I don’t want to just spend my life sleeping until I don’t wake up.

I want to live. I want to be awake

For many of us, as children we want to live but are not afraid to die for a cause; mostly motivated by desire. Then as we grow older, we stopped wanting to live but were afraid to die; more motivated by fear.

What about this life makes it this way?

I believe that with faith and hope, we can go back to the way we were as children.

I think I've never liked modern suits in offices because it's like reminder of how unprepared a person can be. It's like when a person wears suit, it seems like they would only be ready for the expected, and that if an emergency would occur at any point in the day that "should" be normal that the person would be completely unexpected.

Suits that could be from the Golden Era are a little different. For whatever reason I imagine that people were tougher back then. Those suits are more like combining toughness with your Sunday best.

Why I didn't really like suits growing up

January 14, 2019 (published April 9, 2021)

When I see a suit [it used to make me feel] anxious. It makes me feel like people don’t recognize their vulnerability. They seem so unprepared. Disaster strikes and it all means nothing.

I see a suit, and I see no spirit. No readiness, no determination to be able to adapt. I see “I am ready only for the predictable,” and hearI have been reduced to straight lines and being ready only for the predictable.”
I see doing exactly and only what is expected of you. Not a spirit ready for the unexpected, to handle it, to be anything outside of the most normal.
There is something so unnerving about seeing people in disasters wearing suits. It is a reminder of our daily vulnerability, about how we typically live our lives not prepared externally at least for the unexpected. It does not look like evidence of a ready spirit.
It looks naive. It reveals a misplaced trust in the day and in every person who passes by.
I hate taking the bus in a pencil skirt. If you’ve ever tried to run more than a kilometre in one you’d understand why.

Seahorse sketch

This seahorse makes me want to switch to the indigo theme.

Really liking AutoCAD classes... might do a mini personal project with this little one.

Colour scheme adjustment: orange to indigo

December 18, 2018
Made an adjustment on the site design, orange to indigo for text links.
Haven’t decided how long to keep it up.
Which one do you prefer?

Update: January 13, 2019
Here are a couple more tropical, nuanced colour options. Will probably just cycle through these moods:

Update: January 19, 2019

The best of three worlds...?

"You’ll make new friends" has never been of any comfort.

"You’ll make new friends" has never been of any comfort.

I don’t want my friends to avoid being alone, I want my friends because I want to be with them.

(published 2021-04-09)

More than what you say

For a person who claims to love words and writing, I argue a lot that the way things are said matters just as much and sometimes more than what you say, or the technicalities of words.

"How many legs does a dog have if you call his tail a leg? Four. Saying that a tail is a leg doesn't make it a leg." - often credited to Abraham Lincoln 

It’s so crazy we’re only one year away from 2020. Going by the decade we’re not even close to 2010 guys.

Choosing A Username

Sometimes I don't make an account on a website because I don't want to choose a username and regret it later. (Shoutout to the websites that let you change your username, you the real ones)
     Like, there are versions of some go-to ones since childhood but sometimes they seem tarnished by trauma. But on the other hand, it'd be nice to redefine them with more positive things now too, so maybe continuing to use them in positive contexts will help me stop associating it with bad things.
     There's also the potential that someone will recognize you form another online community if you use the same username though... would you want that in this case? Is that indirectly linked to your  real name, too? Is this a site where that would be ok?
     Or worse... what it they recognize me from gradeschool and remember how cringey and awkward I was and think I must be the same???
     Ok so say I want to just make up a new username. It's done, and I'm sauntering around the internet with this cool new screen name... then I come across a user who has a name similar to one of my go to-ones.
     Great, now I'm jealous.
     Help, I'll never be able to have a child because I won't want to name it.

In a bad mind mode

Think "water"

Something beautiful about writing is that it is easy to perfectly preserve. It can be copied and perfectly replicated in many conditions, with the thought and therefore the art kept fully in tact to be passed on.

Is it "don't let an interesting past get to your head" or "don't let a hard past bring you down"?

Both, probably? Probably a combination of confidence, positivity, and humility.

Sorry for recent sad content

Sorry a few posts have been less-than-hippie lately. One was even buried in the archives.

Sometimes people write what they feel, other times people write to try to feel a certain way.

The truth is, it doesn't always work so easily.

The purpose of this blog was to document and facilitate the process of feelings, and learning to feel again. This lesson has come up before, but in case anyone is having second thoughts it really is nonlinear.

So even if it doesn't come easily, keep trying, be patient. It pays off.