7 Things

I think when someone is very sad, with that very quiet kind of sad, reminding them that they are good people, and being specific about things you like about them, could be a good go-to thing.

It has been said that for every bad thing someone says about a person, it takes 7 compliments to compensate for the one bad thing.

Now this isn't to say you have to list off 7 things right there, just a couple things could be more effective in a moment. But so many times my friends have been depressed and I have asked what I can do to support them and usually they don't have any suggestions or they don't know. Now if someone is having a loud or violent breakdown or they are taking a rout that is more angry than sad, or they are taking it out on other people, it's possible that this would not be very helpful. But when someone is doing the isolated sad it might be good. 

P.s. Some people like those affirmation posts. To be honest I don't find they do anything for me, but I wouldn't say they're worth looking down on or anything because for people who have a problem with negative self-talk, this can help send their thoughts in another direction.

But when I am going through a time when I feel very bad about myself and start to withdraw, a real person giving their sincere affirmation about my good qualities even when they are not so active in that moment can help.

Because when you're withdrawing because you don't like yourself, it's really, really hard to think of 7 things you genuinely like about yourself.

LinkedIn Summary Graduation Glowup

"Recent Environmental Technician graduate with demonstrated commitment to sustainability, including a volunteer history spanning more than ten years.

Learning experiences in and out of classrooms have expanded my technical qualifications, and enhanced my values for accessible data organization and empathetic communication. I also enjoy writing and photography, and seek to contribute a proactive work ethic to a team.

While I've recently completed my program at Seneca, I'll never be done with learning. It's a treat to be able to find the method beneath perceived madness, and draw it out in a way that is intuitive. I like reading and writing about a variety of subjects not limited to hard sciences; however, when it's related to environment sometimes I'll summarize some highlights in a post directed at fellow curious and concerned citizens, which can be viewed at naturenimbus.blogspot.ca."

To be completely honest I hate writing summaries about myself (especially if they are supposed to sound sort of interesting). It's a little intimidating. But the better it can be the sooner I can get hired, and change it back to something shorter.

Please DM me if you might want to hire me: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melodytadeo-etm/

I am a river searching for the sea

A river searching for the sea.

I don't know where I am going,

The path's ahead's sinuosity.

But still I wait knowing

I am where I am supposed to be 

(posted 2021-04-09)

They ask about my religion but not my faith.

(posted 2021-04-09)

一个分歧

没有新的学校思维，没有旧的学校思维，只有思考。

没有宗教，没有反宗教，只有信仰。

不是有财富，所以就没有贫穷，只有协议。

既没有财产也没有损失，因为什么都不属于我们。

A disagreement

There is no new school thinking, there is no old school thinking, there is just thinking. 

There is no religion, there is no anti-religion, there is only faith.

There is no wealth, so there can be no poverty, only agreement.

There is neither possession nor loss, for nothing belongs to us.

#FreeToBeOnline

So much of our world has moved online. What is encompassed is not only jobs but workplaces, not only studies but classrooms.

In Plan's #FreeToBeOnline study, "24 per cent, about one in four girls, who have been harassed [online] are left feeling physically unsafe."

I had the privilege of working for Plan International Canada and am so proud of what they have done over the years, and grateful for what they are doing today. Their #FreeToBeOnline campaign is particularly relevant in the current situation, and research pertaining to it eye-opening. The link below has more information if you would like to read about it:

https://plan-international.org/publications/freetobeonline

~~

This is a subject close to my heart.

Something I always wanted to thank my post-secondary school, Seneca College, is for feeling safe on campus. This was not something I had ever actually felt in school until I attended Newnham.

However, my classrooms are not at Newnham campus anymore. Online there is no security desk, there are no professors you know passing in the hallways, and anybody can start talking to you without anybody else seeing.

Everybody who is online needs to be on guard. Please make it clear that just as it is not acceptable to make someone feel unsafe in person, it's not ok to do it online, either.

A controversial opinion that I hold is that when someone is acting off, it's very possible that the issue isn't actually that they need someone to stand up to them, but that they need someone to stand up for them, or with them.

I don't want to open my phone anymore, every time I open another group chat somebody else has died, and it is hard to breathe.

Feelings are part of truth and reality

November 27, 2020 (published April 9, 2020)

The truth includes objective facts, and it also includes subjective feelings.

People who are used to having to having their feelings discounted may feel inclined to twist the facts to compensate.

It can be hard to receive the benefits and wisdom and growth that tends to come with dark periods, without becoming infatuated with sadness.

When there is a problem, try to approach people in a way so that if you found out they were going through something very hard you would still be at peace with your approach instead of ashamed.

Now that does not mean resigning to passivity. But it does mean being assertive instead of aggressive or passive-aggressive.

Let's make plans to someday pass on the street and exchange a smile.

It'll be our small celebration for making it.

Sincerely,

A stranger on the internet.

Free Radicals

I don't have a strong need to be able to identify with in-group on an emotional level. It's not a strength nor weakness, nor is it a virtue. However, being able to identify with a group or to be part of a group is something I understand and can appreciate the benefits of when I think about it, as in the past I have accidentally become tangled up with potentially dangerous people simply because I was the only one there who wasn't belonging to a protective group.

It's like being a free radical in chemistry. If you're not inked up with a group already and you're just floating around by yourself, there's a risk that you'll end up with someone attached to you that would be better to not have attached to you.

Tasks for friends and family, should I die

Visit an art gallery.

Go an engineering firm, or a construction site. Please take note of the work behind the scenes, and all the efforts made for sustainability.

Try something at a restaurant you have never tried before. (It doesn’t have to be expensive).

Go out into the country if you can, or from wherever you can, wait for a meteor.

But don’t make a wish. Think, dream, imagine, and even remember, but do not wish your life away.  Keep stretching forward to things ahead, keep your head up. Watch the meteor as it burns bright, as it begins to come close to home, then disappears once again. 

And if you would like, wait for more.

I'm secretly trying to learn a new language, and every time I encounter a new word on Duolingo I'm like, "oh no, this is it. This is the end. I'll never remember this." But then by the end of the final level of that unit I remember the word.

Thanks, Duolingo.

How to fall asleep

October 1, 2020 ??? (published April 9, 2021)

How to fall asleep

Chapter 1: be tired

Chapter to: be not wired

Chapter 3: get some sleep so you can function or you’ll get fired

...

Chapter 4: BE INSPIRED

Chapter five: actually no don’t be like that it’ll keep you awake

YouTube Nights

One of my favourite memories (quickly scribbeld down so that I can get back to the moment):

Our Saturday nights listening to dad’s YouTube list and telling him to not change the song before it’s over and he gets nostalgic. And we sing along to covers of top 40 songs from the couch and then I dance in the kitchen, and I try to guess the cover artist and mom is falling asleep and Jono is texting and Virtute keeps drinking my water and falling asleep on dad ("the world's worst DJ"). And we try to fan away Luna’s farts, and listen  to Scary Pockets

#lunarwinds #memories

September 22, 2020 Pandemic Rant

September 22, 2020

I don’t exactly remember the first time I heard about a deadly respiratory virus that was beginning to ravage a part of China I had never heard about.

But I remember crying at some point. And I remember not long after getting the feeling that this virus’ arrival in Canada was inevitable; the sense of foreboding.

The clench in my gut when I thought of what might happen to all the Chinese shopkeepers whose faces I knew but whose names remained unknown to me. Wondering if their imports could put them at risk; knowing that peoples’ reactions to the virus most certainly would.

And I remember being told that school events were being cancelled. And realizing we would eventually be locked down.

But I never once imagined that it would last this long.

Human Family, by Maya Angelou

We are all responsible for the energy we bring into the room, but there are ways to help bring out the best in eachother.

Our inferences operate in different ways.

Some people are inclined to look at a person's situation and try to infer their character from there. Others first observe the character and make inferences on the situation behind it. 

Looking at the sky

There are some people I just want to spend time lying on the grass and watching clouds with, and others I'd like to watch the stars with.

There is a subtle difference.

Missing a friend I used to get caught in the rain with

 Missing a friend I used to get caught in the rain with.

The Stillness to the Parade -on COVID-19

You won't find much about COVID-19 on this blog. Sometimes I tell myself I "try not to write about it too much", but that claim could lead to confusion of the truth; the truth is in times of emergency I just tend to just act, not reflect so much. The NatureNimbus blog has a couple things on it, but the site itself is currently on an announced, overall pause for this reason.

My mother and I have spent countless hours sewing masks from the start of the pandemic’s arrival in Canada, and has been researching materials and patterns before then. She especially is so efficient; this and other spiritual volunteer work has helped us both cope.

There was this period just before where there was a sense of imminence. It wasn’t here yet, but people would throw in coronavirus jokes with a nervous laugh, then quickly change the subject

“Coronavirus” my friend said when I coughed at school one. She shared a nervous chuckle. We had both been watching the news closely on this. People were dying, and we felt quite helpless.

The imminence was different distinct from even most bad feelings of anticipation; there has been no word, no ideas about what we would do if and when “the coronavirus” landed here. Because as far as we knew, we knew almost nothing about it except that it has violently killed a lot of people.

Then there was a different sense, after it arrived, after quarantine, that I’m not sure if we missed or not. A stillness. A stillness that I imagined after most everyone but essential workers had been sent home, after people had already raided the grocery stores and had an obsession for toilet paper fulfiled.

A stillness of waiting.

I was shamefully too much in my own college academic bubble to get a feel for it. (I suppose that is why it is called the ivory tower). 

However, in our recently-turned-online courses the air was heavy. Our online classes there was an elephant in the room all the time. Professors all wished what we stayed safe, and every email opened with some form of “I hope you are keeping well and safe in this unprecedented time”.

Perhaps that was the time of the stillness. 

Either way, things are far from still now. Most of the city seems to think the pandemic is over. There isn’t a sense of imminence of a second wave, a general sense of urgency. 

The third-worst of people shamelessly flaunt non-distanced, maskless escapades with friends on Instagram. It’s like they have a filter on life, that says that as long as we act like everything’s ok, that’s what it is.

Others have sadly fallen to the opposite extreme, and fallen to despair and loneliness.

Whether or not the second wave will hit anyway is yet to be determined.

In the meantime, i suppose all most of us can do is try to keep a physical distance, while keeping those who may feel alone close in mind, to call them often. And look out for members of society who are already at great disadvantage and are in need; of it is possible, if we’ve been waiting for a perfect time to give this is it. As well, wearing masks when we’re around others, but being sure to try to exchange a smile anyway because yes, even with a covering we can see when someone is smiling, and seeing genuine, even small or pained smiles behind the masks truly makes the world different, no matter what else is going on.

My Favourite Show, and a Page Out of Strangers' Stories: Midnight Diner

Midnight Diner has been keeping me company through my past few nocturnal weeks. It is sentimental and sometimes a little somber, but always warm. 

Master always says the right thing. And the dynamics between him and the regulars and other customers, and eachother, all feel very natural. Each are so distinct from one another, but the script and the acting still reflects very genuine interactions varied, eclectic handful of people with their own lives and stories sit facing eachother at a very small, square-shaped diner.

Some customers are regulars, some are new.

Each episode satisfies enough and leaves you with something to think about, even though it represents only a page out of each person's story.

There is a tag on this blog called 'bus thoughts'. Sometimes you may hear me ramble a little bit about strangers that we pass by each day; how we never know the complex, vivid stories of each person we rub shoulders with. If these thoughts often occupy your mind like they do mine, you will probably like Midnight Diner, and Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories.

The Rat March

People often ask eachother what their favourite show is, and although I haven't watched it in a very long time I usually say Star Trek. My family and I spent many good evenings together watching the Next Generation and my little sibling would do this adorable march to the intro dubbed "the rat march" (because of a particular love of rats).

It was characterized by a particular relaxation of the wrists, and lifting the same side arm as the leg that is lifted, the elbow at a near-perfect 90 degrees.

Saying all religious people are the standard of faith is like saying all rich people are the standard for hard work.

This is a bit of exactly what I was afraid of about studying psychology. That I'd happen to have a nocturnal sleep schedule and reading about lobotomies in a textbook all by myself.

Perseid Meteor Shower Peak August 11-13, Moon-free view August 17

For a bit of light in the darkness, look up until August 24th to see the Perseid meteor shower (pronounced "per-see-id"). The peak is August 11-13, where there will be an average of 75 meteors passing overhead each hour. 

Earthsky.org highlights that while the peak understandably gets a lot of attention, because of the moonlight the best time to skywatch for this event might be August 17th, when there won't be moonlight outshining the meteors.

Also, just as with any skywatching event it can be ideal to make the most of clear skies whenever they avail themselves.

More of Earthsky.org's tips can be found here.

Happy skywatching 🌠

Sources:

https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-perseid-meteor-shower

https://www.rmg.co.uk/discover/explore/space-stargazing/meteors-comets-asteroids/Perseid-meteor-shower

Thanks to Reddit user mudgts for the head's up. 

Idea for an experiment/study: do people percieve sound differently based on light?

Do people think sounds are louder when it's bright, or dark?

What about their own voices?

What about scary sounds?

What about secrets?

“We fight like cats and cats”

(Not as frequently as cats and dogs, but they do fight randomly and it’s really weird)

(posted 2021-04-09)

“Dog gammit”

“Dog gammit”

 Because I’m not going to bring God into this but that flow for emphasis is very good.

(posted 2021-04-09)

I was the kid that tiptoed into the pool, but dove into the ocean.

Two INXXs

How did you know?

Because you can just tell. What are you saying you couldn't tell when something was weird with me?

I could.

See?

Yeah I know. I could see that you could see. Could you see that I could see that you could see?

(^This is what happens when two INXXs finally have real talks).

What was in your mind, when you found yourself standing at the edge of something you once thought was endless?

The third time some scammers called my phone today I pressed "1" to be connected and just started meowing.

If you know me in person, you might already know that my weird talent is that I can meow eerily realistically.

"Be the change you want to see in the world." - Unknown

Remember, 'being' doesn't rely on other people seeing.

The biggest problem with people who say their "biggest problem" or "toxic trait" is being too selfless, is never that they're too selfless.

Power Out

I don't want to say too much about this. Writing can be the means that you go deep, but depending on the circumstances after a point you may begin to dig your own grave.

The central electric wire is out, and there is about one-hundred percent humidity in the house. Dread hangs in the air, as I am suddenly forced to face the most difficult task of my life. One I have been putting off for ten years, because it'll force me to relive every bit of trauma that once dragged me under and threatened to never let me up for air.

It's hard to breathe.The biggest problem with people who say their "biggest problem" or "toxic trait" is being too selfless, is never that they're too selfless.

And it is one of those nights that each person has at some point in their life when it is truly impossible to sleep, even for other reasons best not mentioned.

Backed up against a wall, after a point there is only one thing you can do: do your best with the hand you've been dealt.

So I boil some water to wash my hair, and throw on my nightrobe and some lofi radio and get to work under the impending morning's odd medium blue.

Taking Intro to Psych

So much of studying for intro to psychology is just learning technical words/vocab for things that are obvious.

I hope that someday I can take another psych class. If things were different, I really would have liked to be a psychologist.

Recent Graphics

Since I'm now in college and my mom's not going to put my homework and drawings on the fridge, I'm going to put drawings and homework on my blog.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/185262659594298

See, I can be useful.

Mid-Course Note on "Ninja Writing" by Shani Raja

Shani, you made my put my pencil down. When I'm taking courses it's my tendency to to write down or sketch too many things just to help me concentrate, but it doesn't feel like I have to here. I am taking notes here and there for highlights, but otherwise just listening and engaging in the exercises. Thank you for sharing this, I'm taking my time and really enjoying this course.

June 30, 2020

"Anti-Maskers" --yes, that's a new word.

Lately I have felt bad for neglecting the Nature Nimbus environmental blog. I haven't published anything in ages, without updating that the reason is that I have repurposed that time towards sewing masks.

They say "actions speak louder than words" but also that "the pen is mightier than the sword". In conclusion I have often felt conflicted and am just playing this by ear.

That said, there is something that I'm finally getting the courage to say:

Dear Anti-Maskers:

As much as I'd rather you did, I won't force you to wear a mask. But don't be mean about it.

You have no idea how long I've been waiting to get that off my chest.

Again, thank you Mr. Raja for the emboldening via Ninja Writing. They say "the pen is mightier than the sword" and this course is giving me courage to fight back.

The boy who called "sheep"

I understand there are people with asthma, and people with other illnesses that makes wearing a mask viscerally terrifying to them. So instead, they create extra physical distance and only shop in stores that do not require wearing a mask.

But I'm not talking about them.

You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that get all hot and loud about the cloth on your face.

The way some anti-maskers respond you'd think they were being told to seal plastic bags around their heads.

I understand the fear or even tantrum of a child being told they're getting a needle; but it would be insincere of me to say I truly understand the fear anti-masker.

But remember this:

If you hold too tightly to your freedom you may break it. You may make it crumble and slip through your fingers in an effort to prevent anyone else from touching it, but by your own reaction destroy what you claim to protect.

And then one day, that may come back to you in ways you can no longer even fight. If someone you love catches this and they catch it bad, your freedom won't save them.

Do not be greedy with your freedom.

Letting Go

"There are no more tears to give in to and
I give up.

It doesn't feel like waiting this time,

It feels like mourning."

You never know what happened to people that made them the way they are.

Think of the worst things that a person could live through. The kind that make it to the news. The kind that don't. The kind that people write books about. The kind that remain terrible secrets, and quiet traumas.

Wouldn't you want to show a lot of kindness to a person who has been through that?

You brush shoulders with these people. These are your perfect strangers out and about, your colleagues and classmates, even your friends and relatives to mention a few.

You never know what happened to people that made them the way they are, and most of the time you never will.

Sometimes a person may finally share it, but it is often much later. Sometimes they never say it at all. But if it ever comes out to somebody, it's probably to the ones who started off treating them with respect and not judging to begin with.

So every time you meet someone, especially when there is someone you just don't understand, remember this:

You never know what happened to people that made them the way they are.

If you approach every person with the kindness you would show to the one who lived through the worst things, then you will be kind to that person many times.

If you are cruel to those you don't understand, you will be cruel to people you would have wanted to give your kindness to the most.

Quiet night

The night is so quiet, in all the right ways.

It's June 2020 and there are two down two to go

Several times it has hit me that at the end of the virus, in addition to the horrendous losses from the virus itself there will be other losses after quarantine, of places we really like. I've considered that it would be good for "someone" to start a database of small businesses.

My mom and I set a goal very early on, just before the pandemic got here, to sew masks for a lot of people, starting with those on a long list.

An idea has been brewing, about a a way to connect concerned citizens with environmental professions.

I've been really, really tempted to coin the term "Anti-Masker" on Facebook.

Two down, two to go.

Mid June, This Mongolian Summer Night

It's a little past midnight, and I'm on a deck in front of a Canadian lake. You can smell the lake tonight, and I am typing an essay on laptop, on the adult-sized lawnchair I finally bought last summer. (In a lunar way it's summer in Mongolia, where I left my heart even though I've never actually been there before).

With the lights on the glassy water, and a glimpse of a shooting star, my heart is bright, and with the glow of the warm nighttime screen my fingers are hot as I type out my essay on Chinese philosophy. 

Chilledcow lofi hip hop radio on in the background

I haven't felt this kind of happy in a long time; with such a pleasant flow of words. (Stress really does do things to you). This is where I'm supposed to be.

Wearing my pink flannel it's a little warm, but in a nice way.

The mosquitos are out, but so are the stars.

My hands are warm and my heart is bright, smelling the Canadian lake ahead on this Mongolian Summer night.

dazy

dazey
dazy
dazie
das...
daisie

Forgot how to spell that.

"She's the problem"

When we're talking about non-heinous, everyday problems, can we please all agree to refrain from calling any person "the problem" here?

It is different to say someone has a problem or is causing a problem. However, saying someone's existence is a problem is not only very brutal but it transfers all responsibility and power to a single person, which is unrealistic. It would be more beneficial to all of us to be proactive.
ˡᵘⁿᵃʳ~ʷᶦⁿᵈˢ
~~

At the time that I write down these thoughts that have brewed over a few years, the world is extremely turbulent. The world is trying to address truly heinous things, in the midst of a pandemic. There has been a distinct string of crises, and it is easy to see the stress getting to people. It has led to a lot of thinking about past situations where conflict resolution was necessary.

Times things worked out. Times I wish I knew what I do now.

In my early 20s I had a year when on average someone I knew died every month. Life and lives just happened to end up that way. People were unwell physically and emotionally, and it just went on until it all stopped.

This preamble exists because I want people who have experienced that kind of loss to understand what I'm saying next, and not take offense to it.

While nobody I know has died this month, there is this feeling of loss.

And that is all.

strong

How old were you when for the first time someone else was there to be strong for you?

Reaction to Ocean Wise Awards

Dr. Suzuki is sad.

Mr Suzuki, just in case I die tomorrow, very little Melody many moons ago had certain thoughts she would have wanted to say that ended up in a poem building over the years:

Another Way (2013-ish)

When all the boys and all the girls

March to call for a better world,

Kneel to plant a million seeds,

But how do you uproot the greed?

While they say progress isn't slow

You still can't bid the wind to blow,

Dismiss the tide to turn away,

We still live to die another day.

Throw aside what you've picked up

Unload and walk with your head up

There are other things worth waiting for

It is right outside the door.

Fly with the wind, embrace the shore

This is what we were made for.

Though the sun's still shining bright

And on our side the lawn's alright

There's still drought on someone's side

Fueling this big carbon ride.

Animals shouldn't have to go away

Because humans kind of chose to stay

There still is a better way

All live and thrive the other way

Nickels and dimes can't cure a sin,

Won't get us out what pulled us in.

No thanks big roads we'll take the trail

We can go breathe easy there.

Throw aside what you've picked up

Unload and walk with your head up

There are other things worth waiting for

It is right outside the door.

Fly with the wind, embrace the shore

This is what we were made for.

Just because a person doesn't talk about it doesn't mean it's not there.

Careful, just because a person doesn't talk about it doesn't mean it's not there.

People are often too quick to judge, when there is so much more to a person's life than what they may externalize for you to see.

Revisiting "The Water You Don't Have to Run Through" May 2020

'"Privileged" is a relative term. Personally I don't consider privileged as necessarily being born into unfair advantage, or something that you shouldn't have. It's about not being born into a situation of inherent disadvantage.

Think of it this way: we all have to run through an obstacle course. This is life. We could choose different paths with different obstacles we may or may not know about. But there's a catch: Some people are forced to run the all spaces between the same obstacles, but through water. The amount of water you don't have to run through is the privilege you have.'"

The heartbreaking truth is that some people are inherently born into water, and face a dangerous current that threatens to sweep away life.

The sadness is warm.

It’s not usually warm.

(published 2021-04-09)

Gab of the Wit

They call it "gift of the gab", but brevity is also the soul of wit (Shakespeare).

Today I said there was "a piece of water on my glasses."

Drop of water. It's "drop of water."

Seasonal Depression

Winter makes my friends blue,
While only my fingertips hate the cold.
But leaves of early spring leave me dull,
And afraid of growing old.

Why is it that what I love makes them all so blue?
And why can't I just be happy with them,
In their season of elation too?

50th Earth Day

Happy 50th Earth Day everyone.

People around the world are going through a lot right now, and something that has helped a lot of people is listing things that bring them joy, and I’d like to challenge everyone reading this to over the next week make a list of 50 -it could be anything.

Whether it is what you see or feel on a walk, or see or feel when you look at a photo of lichee yourself in your favourite place outside, there aren’t many things provided in nature that I hope will bring you joy today.

Thoughts on the Gal Gadot "Imagine" video

It was ineffective and personally I didn't care to listen to it, but I didn't feel like it was a moral trainwreck the way many others evidently do.

- It didn't imply to me that they haven't donated.
- It didn't feel holier-than-thou (but most of the comments I've read about it on the internet *definitely* do).
- Going by the quality of it it definitely doesn't seem to be have been organized to self-promote (they would like to promote how most of them can't sing?)
- As for the song choice, Gal Gadot explained in the video where that came from. It came from a sentimental place.

All I've learned from this is that Gal Gadot does not sing and that she is nicer than most non-celebrities that comment about celebrities on the internet.

If you are not sure if it is appropriate to show someone you care about them, perhaps find a way to show them you respect them.

“It still hurts to miss where we were. But had we stayed, I would never have learned to see the world in as vibrant colours as I do.”

“It still hurts to miss where we were. But had we stayed, I would never have learned to see the world in as vibrant colours as I do.” (published 2021-04-09)

"Human Resources"

These are critical times. Let's remember to see the "human" before the "resources".

~~

Many people look at figures like teachers and bosses as resources. But they’re human too.

I always thought “Human Resources” sounded so strange. And a little unnerving.

But I understand why many people take this view. It is good for survival, and to prevent a type of pain and fear that most people are not strong enough to bear. But I am.

I don’t always want to worry so much when my prof doesn’t reply to emails, or my boss isn’t there for his or her shift. But I do. Especially when I think they’re very good people.

Facing a reality of vulnerability is scary. When we see authority figures as a protection or resource, it makes us less anxious because they are our pillar to rely on. But even pillars need support sometimes. And who can the one who is always everyone’s pillar and everyone’s sunshine rely on to be their pillar or sunshine?

Many people think they know what a cranberry tastes like, but don't.

Like the moon

Like the moon
We each have a light side
And a dark side,
And we go through phases.

Thank you to the person who bought this. I really appreciate your support, and hope your nights are beautiful.

This print can be bought here.

Maybe if I play the same song over and over again the sun won't set.

"I think a healthy society should not only have one kind of voice."
- Dr. Li Wenliang (1986-2020)

This is the assignment that never ends and I need the sun to never set pretty please 🙃

The kind of geometry that Floris Bosveld makes with the moves in every single dance is just something else idk how else to say it.

If perfect bullet journals were danging it would be Floris.

Can method actors lie better on histograms?

Does the conscious pre-assessment of a peron's appearance and attractiveness make people more inclined or less inclined to be biased with them? (The way mixed people were rated average in appearance, until people were first asked to categorize them by race, then we scored lower.)

Quarantine Activities

- See how my hair reacts to no conditioner these days
- Visiting the migratory birds around the lake, renew my sense of wonder in nature because school has killed me inside. I've done more to do with concrete in this environmental program than birds.
- Call the loons every day until they come (*gasp* I just remembered that my dream from the other night that I couldn't remember was about my loon friends)
- Talking a pet for a walk
- Watch and listen to old videos of waterfalls and plants moving in the breeze
- Check in with friends
- Have online group phone calls and sync up movies together
- Make poetry, paintings, and other types of art
- Lol jk I've been spending all my time doing homework
- And cooking and cleaning

My fear at the moment is not of dying, but of what I might live through.

Thank you, Dr. Li Wenliang

For personal reflection:

Dr. Li Wenliang was the brave Chinese doctor who first warned the world about COVID-19. Within a few days he was reprimanded by officials for causing fear.

Dr. Wenliang later contracted the virus and was killed by it in February. He was 34.

We all may do well to ask, “who am I most like in this situation?”

Let’s laugh about the toilet paper, but please do not mock people for taking prevention seriously.

Dreams of the Ocean and a Waterfall in Mongolia

Dreams last night:

That I travelled to the ocean, and to a waterfall in Mongolia.

The ocean heard me saying I don't want to get my socks wet, so it sent a flood to get them. Then I said "at least my shoes are dry" as I held them above the water, so it sent more. I held onto my shoes, but it took away my glasses on the picnic blanket.

The waterfall in Mongolia was more agreeable however, as were my group of travel companions.

"Thank you, Mr. Malibu."

"What he has been through doesn’t make what he’s putting you through ok." 

~~

"If I'm nearly as bad as you say I am, why are you still here?"

(republished 2021-04-09)

I've been crying through my nose again.

Backdated to March 5, 2020 from 2020-03-13

"He is probably both the most thoughtful crazy person and crazy thoughtful person I know."

~~

It is important to be kind even to people we don't know well, or don't like everythig about.

We hurt eachother in ways we can never ourselves repair.

I'll bet there is somebody who hurt you in the past and they couldn't fix it. But maybe I can, and we'll only every know if I at least try.

~~

Abstract art involves characters who aren't always persons, and themes communicated with patterns.

Backdated from 2020-03-13 to March 1

“He is probably the most thoughtful crazy person and crazy thoughtful person I know.”

“He is probably the most thoughtful crazy person and crazy thoughtful person I know.”

(published 2021-04-09)

A word of advice to people who in a tense situation say people are behaving a certain way "for one of two possible reasons..."

It's never just two possible reasons.

He's as sensitive as Diphylleia grayi. The skeleton flower; so sensitive it gets hurt by the rain.

Freefalling (contempo sketch)

Sorry it has been a while since I’ve posted any abstract work. Been busy with college and grid paper has been my life.

I never thought math would become a shelter to me.

"If I die I die. But until then I want to live, and hiding from whatever might be around every corner is no way to live."

Recipes with MBTI Types

(Just for jokes... please don't take too seriously)

Recipe for Hysteria:
ENFJ
ISFP
Twin ESFPs

Recipe for Power Struggle:
ESTJ
INTJ
ENTJ

Recipe for Minion Memes:
ISFJ
ESFJ
ESTJ

Recipe for Mysticism:
INFJ
INFP
INTJ
INTP

Recipe for a Hipster film festival:
ISFP
INTJ
INFP
INTP

Recipe for tears:
INFP
INFJ
ISFP

Recipe for a Power Square:
ENTP
INFJ
INTJ
ENFP

Recipe for Sunshine:
ENFP
ESFP
ISFJ
ESFJ live love laugh

Recipe for a Spy Movie:
ISTP
ESTP
Two INTJs
ENTJ
ESTJ
ISTJ

Recipe for a Romcom
ESFP
ESTP
ESFJ
ENTJ
ISTJ

9:31pm, moved to 9:30am time for order of day's posts.

The concept is not foreign to you, the person is.

February 21, 2020 [I'm not sure what was going on. Published 2021-04-9]

Giant giraffe

The concept is not foreign to you, the person is. [this I think this part was about racism/xenophobia. Not sure about the giraffe.]

Since I was a child, something that would occasionally worry me is the future metal crisis, and the concrete crisis.

Metal is nonrenewable resource, and while it can be recycled once something is an alloy, can we melt it back into its pure forms?

Some can be, but from what I understand not all of them can. And even for what can, it is such a difficult process I feel so hypocritical to use metal items when another material would do just fine.

And as for concrete: what do we do with it when it's garbage? Can we recycle it? (edit: yes we can)

I hope the new world comes before these things.

When I am somehow doing better in life than someone else, I know it means that in some way my life is easier than theirs.

It's better to take your time than to waste your time.

It was a good day when my LinkedIn avatar finally matched the cover photo. #charactergrowth

Youngest on the subway // Better love poem

February 13, 2020 random thoughts (published April 9, 2021)

~~

I’m on the subway, and I am the youngest person in this section.

I wonder how often this is true and I just don’t notice.

But someday, out of my control I will get on the subway and find I am never the youngest.

People keep looking at me. Probably because I look like a kid leaving school early.

The lady across from me is probably the oldest. She seems nice.

~~

We don’t need a dozen roses, let’s promise

Summer days with garden hoses,

Winter nights with fleecy covers,

Evenings reading next to eachother.

Hi I'd like to buy another day of the week
~~
Without my glasses, the bags under my eyes are starting to look like extra eyes.

And that first breath after

Was like water in my lungs.

MBTI sites describing weaknesses like:

INFJ - too selfless, rejected by the world for being too good and morally upright

ENTJ - Psychopaths craving blood

INFP - has crying for breakfast

Everyone: plants are are good
Property management: *replaces the grass on parking lot islands with fake grass*

Reasons why I’m a cat

- Have an unsettlingly realistic meow

- I do this “I love you go away” thing

- have been told my multiple people that I look like a cat

Abstract art imitates patterns we see in reality, but projected in a world where the shapes on their own do not make sense to us.

Answer to Quora question, "Why do pessimists do better in life?"

This is a good question. It depends on what you mean by “do better in life”.

There are some specific areas where pessimists are less likely to fail because pessimists tend disengage more quickly than optimists. Because of this, pessimists are less likely to suffer losses in gambling, and they are also less likely begin small businesses based on unrealistic expectations.[1][2]

There’s also this thing called “defensive pessimism” which doesn’t prevent people from doing things at all, but help people learn to take calculated risks. [3]

However, in attempts to study and measure happiness and health in general, pessimists do not do better. Pessimists are more likely to be depressed, anxious, and don’t live as long on average[4]. One reason researchers considered is that optimists find it easier to bounce back from stressors.

Optimists also recover from surgery quicker[5], and on the more materialistic side, in some studies optimists also made more money on average, [6] were more likely to be promoted[7][8], and after losing a job found a new one faster by months[9].

This article suggests a good balance between the two can be hope for the best, be prepared for the worst. (Is It Safer to Be a Pessimist?)

P.s. Sorry for dotting the whole thing with links. I just thought this was a good question and wanted to be able to keep track of where things I (think I) know come from more than anything. Might try to narrow/edit them down later.

Footnotes

[1] Optimism, pessimism, and gambling: the downside of optimism.

[2] The case for pessimism: Cheery people earn less in business

[3] When Being a Pessimist Can Be a Good Thing

[4] New evidence that optimists live longer: After decades of research, a new study links optimism and prolonged life

[5] Act Like an Optimist, Improve Your Health

[6] The Successful Optimist

[7] The Importance of Being an Optimist: Evidence from Labor Markets

[8] How to Become a Greater Optimist! - Boyer Managment Group

[9] The Successful Optimist

Might stop telling people I was born in "nineteen-ninety-six".
"Year one-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-six of our common era" is much more dramatic.

Are you living right by your heart?

Are you living right by your heart?

The heart wants good and the heart wants bad, but when we look at the days of our lives do we live by the good in it? Is our conscience at peace?

If not, then perhaps it is time to change the way we live.

I've never thought of writing as a "talent". (Rant)

I've never thought of writing a "talent". Maybe it's just because of my own status as an amateur, but I think anybody actually can write, and as long as they have learned the characters needed to write what they're thinking that just is what it is. It's just thinking on paper (or on a keyboard).

Wouldn't that just make "thinking" that talent? It seems very strange to consider thinking a "talent". Also, by extension that would make it feel a little conceited to view oneself as talented for their thoughts.

And depending on a person's situation they might be more inclined to imagine stories to write down, but personally throughout life this has only felt like a reflection of the present conditions of life. It has felt very external; a very simple question of does the external environment permit it or not? By default it is there, running as a background program; unless the outside world prohibits it from developing into something very interesting that we enjoy.

Isn't it largely things that happen that nurture and fashion our thoughts into thoughts we don't like?

To me, good writing is just recording a thought that I like. Bad writing is just recording a thought that I don't. So any time that I say I don't like my writing, it means I don't like my thinking, which is a bigger problem than talent or lack thereof if you as me.

The reason why "Depression" is bigger than "positivity" in the word cloud is because I tag a lot of  positivity posts with "depression" too so that strangers who are depressed can also find things that might help them feel a little better.

Collecting stickers

Collecting stickers is pretty much collecting art, but smaller and less expensive.

As a child I had a little sticker book from the dollar store. I lost it somewhere one day, but feel ready to start again. The only problem is now I also like big stickers, so I need more pages and books are far less accessible now.

If anyone knows where to get a nice big sticker book that doesn't have Dora the Explorer on it please let me know :)

Words can become charged without their meaning even changing. Sometimes things we say are technically correct, but it would be more beneficial to say it another way.

This is when our priorities and values and motives and feelings come into play; yes they can indeed be exposed by the way we say things.

Today I was feeling angry,
So I made a list of people I know
Motivated by positivity,
Love without hypocrisy.

"How about instead of fighting for real, people play a video game! Or chess!"

Five or Six-year-old me had some good ideas.

It has been one day and my college has already pulled a my college.

Cranberry Works: Now Wrapping Crystal Necklaces!

Step one: Try to open the box and accidentally fling a crystal across the room.

Jan 4, 2019, posted Jan 5

i lava you (doodles)

These guys did amazing!

Jan 3, posted Jan 5, 2020

There gets a point in those books where you realize that there is no way this is going to have a happy ending. But that's because you know what most authors do, not because it really has to be that way.

You are the author.