While it's not possible for them to all be right about things, and I do have my own beliefs, different religions often mean different ways people are trying to to be close to God, and that in itself is a beautiful thing.

Creatives and mental illness

You do not have to be mentally ill to be creative. It is true that mental illness can even block creativity. However, being deluded definitely helps people publish. 

[posts from this day and most others since late June published Aug 1. Evidently I was not deluded enough for a while.]

Scared to post because I'm not a pickup line kind of person, but

I don't wanna go to sleep; because I'm already dreaming about you.

//

I don't need to sleep. I'm already dreaming about you

Sleep is not only for dreaming

~~

Will let you guess what day this was actually published on, lol.

"And then I eat your love."

"And then I eat your love"

This is a disturbing thought I have whenever someone gives me food. It's not a warm fuzzy one, it is actually filled with despair and the sense that I am taking from you, and once I eat it for myself it is gone. It also hints at the terrible reality of the temporariness of life. (In this system). I always fear every time that this will be someone's last gesture of love to me.

It also makes me disgusted with myself for accepting it, as if I am reducing their love to a bite of food. (I think this might be OCD). [Published Aug 1. I don't even know if where I filed it in the archives is even when I wrote it. I'm going to stop using the "personal" tag so liberally, too. This whole blog is personal, the lines between what is personal and what is my written work become all the more blurred, and as this happens perhaps this is not the worst thing in the long run.]

July 24th thoughts

Idea for a game based on synesthesia:

You say a number and everyone has to decide what colour it is

~~

The strangest thing about humans is there can be glaring life and death issues, but young or old they will constantly prioritize who you may or may not have a crush on over everything.

~~

Published Aug 1. Sorry for the eyesores of having a different publishing date plastered all over posts from the last couple months. I have been very mentally distant these days.

The thought I was trying to remember on July 23

Published Aug 1

When your heart doesnt have a home

History, Greenhouses, and Tea

I remember you for the way you looked at people, the way you looked a the water and the clouds, the way you saw the world.for the kidnbess and empathy you showed to people without discrimination, for the cute indignation you got when you started to feel impatient.
For the conversations going back and forth trying to build up, even when we had no idea ourselves.
(History, greenhouses, and tea,
All the ways we were trapped together,
And all the ways we were free.)
For your explanation of the Ottoman Empire, for your faith in the Kingdom of God,
For the moments we sat in silence,
And all the dreams we sat in together.
For gushing about Mongolia and Myers-Briggs,
For the coy smile you had when you spoke Japanese.
For goofy faces and our favourite places,
Until we meet again, this is how
I keep you in my heart my dearest partner and
friend,
Between you and me and God,
With love,
Mel

Published 2022-08-01

Picnics with my family

Ants on the picnic blanket

A whispy floats by to start a new life somewhere else

Published 2022-08-01

Eternity - beach painting

- Eccl. 3:11 -

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has been out eternity in their hearts.

Paint You Back to Life

I see photoshopped landscapes you would love to wake up in,

And artists scratch tiny details with countless lines and layers in your favourite colours.

Could I paint you back to life? 

Could there ever be a canvas wide enough,

Does the world have enough pigment?

If I spent my whole life building a collection and perfecting the art, could I take on the responsibility to draw you out of blank pages?

Could I make you immortal, could I keep you with me if I just try hard enough?

Couldn't

From the day I decided I wasn't afraid of dying

But afraid of what I might live through, to

The day I became everything I swore I wouldn't,

And lived through what I thought I couldn't.

Published 2022-08-01