Something I don't like about myself is I either REALLY know what's going on with people or I REALLY don't and there is basically no in-between.

To make memories or not to make memories, that is the question.

To make memories or not to make memories, that is the question.

Thoughts I had today but didn't say because they sound too aggressive

 Thoughts from my autistic brain has today that I didn't say out loud because while it may be true it's also rude:

~ I don't avoid the approach of dictator because God says I can't have it, I avoid the approach of dictator because that approach is bad and this fact is so obvious that it's really weird that someone would need God to tell them that.

~ If your approach is "fake it til you make it" but you've been faking it for a long time and you still haven't made it, maybe you need to consider that you're just fake and should try a different approach.

A Tragic Flaw

...I find I am so (emotionally) averse to mental shortcuts, that I often will take an unnecessary mental long way around for no good reason. And in an exhausting process or trying to perfect and make sure of all my thoughts and reaosnings, I might in all irony think or confuse myself out of the right direction I was originally going in.

      One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it 🥲🥲🥲

      Maybe that's why I like learning and trying to speak Mandarin. It kind of throws me into a situation where it's too hard to convince myself that overthinking will serve me or do anyone any good, so I just do my best with whatever comes instinctively or otherwise.

Think I'm gonna stop saying "AI Art" and just say "AI Imagery" instead.

 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DM3clDixpWq/?igsh=Y2oxdXZvejI1dHdi

My new opinion on the way I should be using words is AI images ≠ AI art. I'm not anti-AI altogether, but while artificial intelligence can produce images and products, it cannot go through an artistic process and therefore cannot produce art and does not have a place at an art festival. Like, are we going to start having androids participate in the Olympics or sports leagues too, or better yet replace streams of real basketball games with AI-generated videos of people playing basketball? It is equally ridiculous to call that AI playing sports as it is to call this AI making art.

When I'm Not "Being Honest"

 A personal weakness and imbalance of mine is my habit of overly extreme application of my belief that the truth is the right answer.

      I over-explain. I make myself overly vulnerable, and with a simple slip of a tongue could make someone else vulnerable in a way I shouldn't.

      I must keep in mind what information is genuinely owed to people and what isn't. I must keep in mind what is beneficial to share and when, and what is not.

       And this imbalance is motivated fear of being fake or dishonest, not by love of truth and authenticity. (I feel both very strongly.)

       "There is no fear in love" - 1 John 4:18

       I must know the difference between being honest according to integrity, and being "honest" according to fear of threats to my ego, and my self-image.

The shift, and the truth

 Individuals do what they want and say, "it's my culture," even when it's not.

Cultures do what they want and say, "it's my religion," even when it's not.

Religions do what they want and say, "it's God," when it's not.

(By means of this, people may avoid being questioned, and even make gods of the self.)

The same way people who are depressed say they are tired,

People who are bipolar say they are depressed,

People who are schizophrenic say they are bipolar.

(By means of this, suffering people avoid vulnerability, and make ghosts of themselves.)

People sometimes have a tendency to shift away from the truth. This tends to be worse in environments where judgement is high and individual free will is not respected. 

      Jesus said "stop judging."

      In a sense, we suffer, this is happening, so humanity can keep the gift of free will. 

      But the suffering comes from people making gods of themselves. Inflating their personal preferences as if it is authority, while hiding their perceived flaws. And then, even people who do not initially mean to do this also become fake this way to avoid punishment.

       However: the truth is the right answer. 

       Riches obtained first by greed will not be a blessing in the end. And whether that is greed for money, greed for power or prestige, or greed for a control that does not belong to them... None of what they gain by those means will be a blessing. At best it will be something they must let go of, at worst, it becomes their curse.

       

'Ever Loyal'

 https://www.jw.org/finder?srcid=jwlshare&wtlocale=E&prefer=lang&docid=2025440

Re anecdotes

Anecdotes can be good if they are used to help you think more, but not used as an excuse to think less.

I think I need to get off social media for the day

 

And then somehow along the lines Monsanto got poor farmers banned from growing their own food too, American HOS banned people from growing food on their front lawn, and now a lot of people are largely stuck with weird food only

Margarine

For general health and information purposes, If you consume margarine be careful to know how to identify hydrogenated margarine versus non-hydrogenated margarine.

Non-hydrogenated is the better one. I don't have time to explain right now, but it's googleable.

Please Read This

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

Sorry to be so extra but a person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

"You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic." - Robert A Heinlein

"You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic." - Robert A Heinlein

The terrifying reality is that most of us wrongly think we are the one man. When we don't even consciously know what our prejudices are, we are defenseless against enslavement to them.

Honest acknowledgement is the first step. Acknowledging that the people in your closest circle are not likely one step ahead of you in this regard, is the next. 

Remember:

A person can only be honest towards others to the extent that they are honest with themselves.

This applies to you, and it applies to your friends. Making your own examination of your flaws contingent on your friends' confirmation that you are wrong is irresponsible.

Random things from the last ≥24 hours

 • "I'm sorry for being a stress-adder." Stress adder... Snake? 🐍 (Not my own pun)

• The best time to buy an avocado was five days ago. The second best time is today. #funnies 

• A new insight: I think for some people it can be hard seeing the world seem to get for free all the lessons you had to learn the hard way....

      But that's not the case. You not only learned the product if your lesson, but you became equipped, and you grew through your own unique journey. Do not discount yourself that way 🩶

• Random happy memory: grateful for this good gift of peace, I really enjoy grocery shopping today. Beatboxing around the grocery store, gettin stuff we need and feeling all sort of accomplished and relaxed and peaceful. 

Dahlias

The day started and ended well.

A peaceful start. A good middle, with my mom. A sweet return. A good family study with the July broadcast. A good plan for tomorrow, with a plan of art and letter-writing.

I like this peace.

Even. More.

A message this morning, from someone I prayed about maybe opening up to.

They are just not stopping tonight

 

Tonight's stars

 

I got up to pee, and wow the stars are so brilliant tonight. Just as brilliant as the other night, yet my heart is captured as if it was the first time I've seen such a sky.

       And you know each one by name.

       This trip is my first time being able to see the milky way's brightness.

 "Like a silver glazing over a piece of earthenware Are affectionate words from an evil heart" - Proverbs 26:23

      Wow. There is even a Bible proverb that speaks to the evils of lovebombing.

 Hah. Pharrell WILLiams. Free WILL.

He has earned that name.

The better version of you you imagine is already part of you

When you remember that you have free will and are not obligated to continue acting according to flaws in your character or that you don't want to be acting on anymore, regardless of whether your improved self still "fits" a persona that is expected of you from others or even yourself, for any amount of time.

You don't need to wait for someone else's "ready, set, go" before improving yourself. Others may hold reward or punishment over you, but you are the one who holds free will over yourself. 

(And the right people, will stay.)

Choices can take time to become habits, attitudes can take time to become mindsets. But once you envision that better version of you, it doesn't have to take time for you to start. You are not responsible for what is outside your control, but you are responsible for choosing to use your realization.

Once you are aware, you already have that person inside of you. Choose to make use of that awareness, allow yourself be that person. Express that vision.

If you are waiting for perfect circumstances outside your control to better yourself, be reminded that a better life is waiting for you on the other side of bettering what is within your control today.

Cultural Appropriation and Tokenizing People

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKaz4Y3vcNw/?igsh=NWpiMzVzZ2RhMXdq

It's a hypocritical slap in the face to use the arts or culture of a person or people you disrespect, or in a manner that is dishonourable to its meaning. It is also infuriating to put on a show of being appreciative of someone different from you when you don't truly feel that from the heart for who they are (which subtle indicators can often show).

Good gift of a wonderful mother

...And, having not a perfect but a good family and good times together, including time with my mom today, and having such a loving, intuitive, principled, spiritual, and caring mother who is a wonderful example.

Jeremiah 29:10-14

“For this is what Jehovah says, ‘When 70 years at Babylon are fulfilled, I will turn my attention to you, and I will make good my promise by bringing you back to this place". - Jeremiah 29:10

     I am imagining going back to my favourite time and place, when life was beautiful. But a version of it where I can also bring my new favourite people I hadn't yet met.

“‘For I well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward you,’ declares Jehovah, ‘thoughts of peace, and not of calamity, to give you a future and a hope. And you will call me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.’" - Jeremiah 29:11,12

       What an incredible thing it already is to be listened to, to feel heard and cared for and understood.

“‘You will seek me and find me, for you will search for me with all your heart. 14 And I will let you find me'". - Jeremiah 29:13,14

       And today, I create my first post tagged "paradise". 💛

playing to learn

 

https://www.instagram.com/p/DNJcyWDIXqA/?igsh=MXNtZ3J2d3V0MHd5bw==

For anyone who has ever asked me, "how did you even know that?" this is the answer.

I hesitate to post this for fear of being as thinking I am smarter or better than other people. But really, truly, this is the reason someone like me is able to know what I know and understand what I understand in spite of my individual limitations. It is not me being more special or with more potential than others; it is all the ways I was allowed to be myself.

Forever grateful that my parents allowed me to enjoy learning.

A Perfect Present of Comfort, Through Minnie

I have been hit with many very hard waves of missing Luna. Even though we were so happy to walk into our new house with the key for the first time, on the way home an extra hard wave hit. I looked at photos of her the whole way home, and posted a never-before posted picture of her with comments off.

      And when we got home... Minnie just started jumping at me happily and gnawing on my fingers. She kept jumping and jumping, so excited to see me. Eton pointed out how strange it was: "But you've been in the same car the whole time!" 

      After spending most of the day together, once we were home Minnie just suddenly wanted to shower me with love.

      And so beautifully, my "comfort" tag has organically appeared for the first time.

Being Nice and Being Kind: Know the Difference

"The one who hates others disguises it with his lips, But inside he harbors deceit. Although he speaks graciously, do not trust him* - Proverbs 26:24,26

Some people are both nice and kind. Some people are kind even though they are not nice; and others, people you ought to be careful of, they are nice but they are not kind.

 Real talk, I feel like the people who started the idea that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene were just Wattpad writers born in a time with no Wattpad.

"I will be with you always even until the end of the world." - Matthew 28:20

New favourite comment I've read online: "You are not your thoughts, you are the awareness that observes them."

I did not write this, but this comment by @mayner.b.83 on Instagram has been echoing in my mind:

"You are not your thoughts, you are the awareness that observes them."

This is my favourite way I've heard to define a person. I remember watching batman and then saying "it's what you do that defines you"; some people peeling it back to "it's your thoughts"; but this one is my favourite.

"where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"

 “Stop storing up for yourselves treasures on the earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal. Rather, store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. “The lamp of the body is the eye. If, then, your eye is focused, your whole body will be bright." Matthew 6:19-22

Poet Jean de Fontaine once said, "one often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it."

As someone with the mental condition I have, these words have meant so much in helping me work towards living the life I want, with authenticity, and loyalty to my values and individual character.

I might take this down later, but I was having a grief attack related to abandonment.... Huge answered prayer, was the days text I read tonight (for tomorrow):

A true friend shows love at all times, and is a brother who is born for times of distress.—Prov. 17:17.

I'm not going to spend too much time explaining why, but seeing this here and now, is deeply comforting and brings a level of piece that the moment before felt impossible to grasp.

Highlight re "a gentle tongue can break a bone"

 By patience a commander is won over, And a gentle tongue can break a bone - Prov 25:15

A calm, gentle manner of upholding principles does not detract from a message. If anything, it makes it all the more powerful. It emphasizes it's rightness rather than the messenger's sting.

Trends are not definitions

https://www.instagram.com/p/DMlCIkBI3Us/?img_index=5&igsh=MTR3N2FvN3RuMmFrdw==

You "act like you're middle aged" because you are middle aged and this IS how you act. This is an age, not a creed. Hate when people get this backwards.

Trends are not definitions.

When people tell me I don't "look" Filipino x Italian, my answer is "it's funny you think so because I am a Filipino x Italian person and this is what I look like."

As a middle-aged person, the way you act counts more towards the reality of the way middle-aged person acts than what so-and-so expects you to act like.

Rant is currently being limited, so rant over.

'Unloved'

 Witty thing at the bottom

Maybe instead of saying "black sheep of the family" I will start saying "black jellybean of the family".

Cubed furniture and my own ignorance

 Ikea has something to do with the moment I realized that I am brainwashed. 

       In a book, a Northern indigenous boy sees a large, cubic Stone structure. Seeing the straight lines, he deduces the presence of a white person at one time.

      I stopped. To me, straight lines, cubic or prism shapes feel like the default of built structures and many other built objects. The rudimentary abstraction of a cube, having straight lines and as many 90 degree angles as possible sets the basis for what I mentally consider a basic building. 

       This is not the case for all of humanity, now or ever. 

        I relate this to Ikea, because whenever I think of the way Scandinavian design has taken the World by storm, on one hand, I know my thoughts and feelings are that it looks nice. But on the other, quietly, my awareness of this feeling reminds me of my own biases, my own ignorance.

        Perhaps this inclination to be so unnerved even by small proofs of my own ignorance, is why I have a more recent times considered myself a Type 5. 

        Because ignorance is slavery. I do not want to be a slave to what I do not know, I do not want to be a slave too ignorance of truths. 

       The scariest part is knowing that I already am; to an unknowable extent am a slave to all the lies of omission, to all of pretended history, to all the false frames I have fallen for that shape the way I perceive the world around me. Even the lies I fell myself. I don't always know what they are, but of course they are there. 

        And perhaps this is a link between knowledge and understanding and freedom that I have never explicitly voiced, but has largely governed and motivated me in many aspects of life.

        We are all slaves to something. But our of everything, I would most like to be a slave to a loving universal God who reads hearts and values spirit and truth as much as I can.

BBQ Day in a (face-free) photo nutshell

What a lovely, accurate one to come up today.