Sarcastic people make themselves so vulnerable

The thing about sarcasm is that it is a way that people not only play on intuition and intelligence, but it is a personal protection because the sarcaster doesn't ever have to say any of the words that scare them or make them feel vulnerable. The ball is always in the other's court, yet the control of the conversation in retained.

Queen Piece

I don't want to be controlled by another human like a chess piece. But for God I want to be like a queen piece; ready to go in any direction and to any length he moves me.

Is water wet?

Is it?

3 Reminders for a Positive Attitude

See challenges as opportunities to respond right.

~~

Even when a good plan of action fails, fall back on a plan of a good attitude.

~~

The things that burn also give you fire.

Credentials —Homo sapien

Credentials: I have been a homo sapien for 21 years, my whole life; in fact it runs in the family.

     I come from a long line of homo sapiens that successfully reproduced too, in fact I would even be the first to not have offspring.

Answer 20 Quora question: What is the benefit of an INFJ or INTJ in seeing the "big picture" when investing time in a task? Why is this so important?

Understanding the big picture enables a person to balance connected ideas, values, and information beyond what might be immediately apparent. I t can contribute to making decisions based on long-term benefit and optimize, making the most efficient decision, and one a person might feel most at peace with (INTJ vs INFJ wording…?)

For INTJs and INFJs specifically sharing Ni as their highest function, big-picture perspective makes for a well-oiled mental machine, and helps them process information at their best.

Like having a map instead of only using step-by-step instructions, it can also help you find alternate routes around unexpected obstacles, or foresee obstacles and plan in advance to avoid them.

~~~

This post was my first A2A and very stressful to write and was posted to Quora Dec 18, but to l-w April 28, 2018

"She lives in a world that validates someone else's struggles, but not her own."

"She lives in a world that validates someone else's struggles, but not her own."

I am often put on a pedestal for getting through my own set of struggles. They are the type that my society accepts as a "real" struggle, even if it's not being able to afford food. But there are girls I know who are very insecure because of the struggles they have and the struggles they don't. Neither of us are lacking the basic necessities of life, but my struggles are accepted by society as "real" and hers are dismissed.

People give me support because my stories is easier to understand and have become easier for me to tell, but her cries for help are perceived as attention-seeking.

My struggles gave me the opportunity to get out a lot of awkward immaturity out when I was still a kid (not all of them but a lot of it) so I can look forward knowing that I can handle the next set of tough stuff on the horizon.

But she was not tempered the way I was, so she can see struggles on the horizon and is facing some right now but cannot hold onto the confidence from past experience that she will be strong enough to get through them.

Everyone has a hard fight, but in my opinion between the two of us she got the short end of the stick.

3 feet of curly conformity

The best hate comment I've received since leaving high school is being called a "conformist" for having long hair.

Yes, 3 feet of curly conformity at its worst.

Problem with the word 'tomboy'

Here goes: I have a problem with the word 'tomboy'.

People who use it do not generally mean any harm, and I took it on as a badge of pride when I was bullied as a preteen but the words in that label imply that any of those things that made me a 'tomboy' make me less of a girl, less of a part of who I am.

I am no less female because I like sports, or being tough, or going without makeup, or because of the clothes I like to wear. I am not a girl who is like a boy; I simply am a female who likes those things and no less that part of myself for having different traits, interests, or style from what is expected of young women in our society.

Who would have thought that when my grandmother kept mistakenly saying "tombogirl" instead of "tomboy", that she was right all along.

Edited Feb 17, 2018

When I straighten my hair

I both enjoy and despise how much nicer strangers are to me when I straighten my hair and wear more fashionable clothing.

Sometimes I'll change up my look just because I feel like doing something different, to feel fresh, and there is nothing unhealthy about that. But here is a confession: When I straighten my hair is it's usually when I don't feel I can shoulder any more, and I do it so other people will treat me nicer, To make things easier for myself.

Because even if it's not on purpose, people are nicer to pretty people.

I resent myself for dressing up for doctor's appointments so they take my health problems seriously instead of saying, "it's just stress." When I dress up, they try to see "how we can help you."

While conducting a social experiment, with curly hair in a grocery store I have to chase down associates to ask for help finding something. With straight hair, I was standing in an aisle comparing jars of salsa and someone shelving asked if they can help me find anything. I'm sure the associate didn't mean to not ask someone with curly hair, but that's usually how it works out.

In the malls I am prime target for people calling out to sell hair straighteners, because boy I must need one.

The worst compliment I've ever received is "you'd look really pretty with straight hair", or with "makeup." And then when I do straighten my hair, "Have you considered doing this all the time?"

The most upbuilding criticism, "I liked it better curly."

I hate that when the rain pours and this all goes out of my control and the glam is gone, that is when people stop asking "can I help you?"

Thinking like a child

I miss thinking like a child. There is no old-school thinking or new-school thinking, everything is so new and it's all just thinking.

Alternate version:

Thinking like a child is so special. There is no old-school thinking or new-school thinking, everything is so new and it's all just thinking.

"The saddest part is that she never really loved..."

"The saddest part is that she never really loved him, she only loved the way she looked through his eyes."

I don't want more money

I don't want more money, I want a simpler life.

~~~

People have tried to have me sign up for pyramid schemes saying "aren't you interested in making more money?"

I wish I had told them that the Bible has shown me how to be content with less. Maybe they would have been happier right now.

Cataract

(In conversation about a kitten with hererochromatic eyes)

Mom: It looked like it had some sort of film over the eye that might have affected the colour.

Me: Did it have a cataract maybe?

Mom: No it was too young for that.

Me: So a kitten-aract?

Canada Geese

The geese at night.

This is my version of tradition.

It has been a hard year like many others, but as I lie in bed and hear the familiar cacauohany of flocks of Canada geese on the lake I feel my heartbeat slow.

This sound is what I call home.

Even if someday I cannot live in this place, I will feel I belong beside the sounds of all the voices of dozens of geese all talking at the same time on their journey to fly away to a more hospitable place.

Canada geese will take my heart with them, where it is safe.

So no matter how harsh the winter, or how much our lake will freeze

They will tow this heavy heart made lighter by warmer currents in the breeze

And by their teamwork;

By the flock leader creating a lift through their wings,

Lifting hearts and let them sing.

They take the colder part of my heart somewhere warmer for the winter without fee.

Beloved Canada geese, with all your loyalty do have a wonderful journey

As you follow the earlier sunshine.

My lips are chapped and burned

fingertips white and cold

My lips are burned my fingers cold and froze

"Soy Milk Sister"

Conversation between my sister and I. The context is my mom bought these glasses but then didn't like them when she took ten out of the box, and my sister said they look like "wine mom" glasses, and then explains the tumblr concept.

There are wine moms, beer dads... and once the guy chimed in and said "I'm a weed cousin"

I am a soy milk sister

If you ever have a tumblr blog please call it that

Description: "Plot twist: I'm allergic to soy milk"

I think you could survive the waters of Tumblr

I am the water

Thank you to people who in both past and present have helped me be an optimist

I grade four my teacher explained to us what optimists, pessimists, and realists are. She used me as te example of an optimist, and the class unanimously agreed and I felt bad accepting what Ifeel is a great compliment. After all the ways I was annoying an dumb and would embarrass myself and say thoughtless things and accidentally hurt people, honestly throughout life I feel everyone else were the positive ones. Tht they were so much more forgiving of me than I deserve, and maybe it is then who made me the optimist, the ones who made me see the best in everyone else because they first gave that to me, despite perhaps a natural inclination towards despair.

I like putting up a fight, but I will be temped to distance myself from someone if they love me, cutting myself off when I feel inadequate. It is something hard to fight, it is the not positive part of me that the positive part fights. The optimist those people nurtured. (Including the realists).

Someday hopefully I can say this in person, but for now in case one of those many friends and even not close peers and mentors and others who chose to see the good in me and by example helped teach me to be more positive and forgiving, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The Wild of Your Mind

Dreams. When you truly are alone with your thoughts, and those thoughts are less who you are and more what goes on inside you when your will is gone.

They run wild, and in all their beauty and hideousness they can touch you and hurt you just as much as any reality can, leaving you to make to either disappointment or relief that it is over.

Some people say they reveal hidden desires. Some might, but I would disagree with anyone who says the contents of dreams are limited by anything, that they inherently represent something. The wild of your mind is not limited to the infrastructure you have given it, it is sparked by any inspiration including desire or disgust, fear or hope, images or sounds or scent or passing faces or a word. The imagination is yours, but it is not inherently you.

It is not like a garden or even a maintained forest; it is untouched by decisive hands regardless of how pure their motives would be. It is a wilderness that invites you to get lost in it.

The Creator's set —As To Wildflowers

To give them the tools to conclude themselves that God is one.

To allow a genuine closeness to be born

And impart knowledge to children so they need never feel lost.

That is part of why a family is, in the way the Creator set built on true love and respect,

Growing naturally even if not quick yet,

As to wildflowers is air, water and sun.

*Puts on favourite underwear*

Battle-ready.

Mother, aware —As To Wildflowers

If only to be good mother, aware,

Remembering to know myself while looking beyond my own nose.

Breathe in the scents without being overtaken

Or leaving my true love or children forsaken.

Lovingly create for what together three made,

Flowing sincere without drifting away,

As to wildflowers is water, sun and air.

A good father —As To Wildflowers

I have met many boys who will someday be good men and loving fathers.

But part of being a good father to my children

Includes being a good husband to me.

Together we can show what our real, caring love is,

That is part of what is best for our kids,

As to wildflowers is air, sun and water.

Artistic inspiration is the kind of thing that comes and goes...

The kind of thing that comes and goes; it's all part of the natural flow.

Apnea / Breathing Techniques

In case you haven't figured this out already, I love poetry. However, I was just invited to a poetry reading with just most of my  peer acquaintances and kinda feel like throwing up.

I participated in a poetry reading once and it felt like standing up naked in front of a bunch of strangers; not that I'd actually know what that's like, but the only thing more terrifying I can imagine is doing the same thing but in front of a large group of acquaintances.

Writing is like breathing, but it's hard to breathe naturally under long-term anxiety. When I was a kid I'd sometimes have a hard time breathing. Literally. I saw a speech therapist as a child because inconsistent, shallow breaths fragmented, sentences and even words at. Times. It was caused by anxiety, and the therapist taught me breathing techniques and exercises. Time and time again speech therapists, counsellors, music teachers and cross country coaches taught and retaught me breathing techniques.

Now whether it is for diving or flute or moments like these where maybe it's been a really rough week but I really want to just get over it with a positive attitude, I have to remember the same thing in order to move forward: breathe.

Apnea / Breathing techniques

Some people prefer to read

But for some to write is to breathe,

Some here have a beautiful voices when they comment and speak.

But I will speak here and my voice will shake

And consider every nuance a mistake,

Keep my eyes open tonight and take away sleep,

Be my apnea and tomorrow leave me weak,

    From breathing like a freediver going 50-feet deep

Because I can't breathe

But then I remember breathing techniques

From speaking school, therapy.

Learning to play winds musically,

And running to find eternity.

As we are running so we have to breathe

Laboured although it may be

In this this world it can feel we can’t breathe,

But we have book with breathing techniques.

(And I’ll bet you know the book I mean)

But how do we run there if we feel like we can't even breathe?

We have brothers who face this, though hard to see.

Brothers and sisters like you and me,

Strangled by trials, illness, anxiety.

Moses and Jonah felt how we feel,

Breathe to run to the tower for the life that is real.

Still standing here now it's hard to breathe,

But many here most likely know what I mean.

But with some practice freediving isn't all bad,

Open eyes catch light

Under surf rolling rad,

The colours, life, art with mind's eye to see

So while you're here remember to marvel at the deep.

With any pressure in your ears even if you feel like a plain blue,

Remember even Dory made something special of "I spy something blue."

So make the most of this good gift we could never earn,

But make mindful practice with other breathing techniques to learn.

Take a mindful breath,

Try not to overthink,

Enough to rise again

And flow you won’t sink.

Let's marvel at the diversity, all the exotic fish,

(But not quite like Jonah's, or one on a dish)

Do accept this gift happily

And even with apnea, flow swimmingly.

Well the poem is here now. Guess this mean's I'm going.

"So I win either way"

"You'll either find it really interesting or say, "I fell asleep""

"So I win either way."

"I could completely picture you saying that."
(Aren't I a great friend?)

"It's only clothes. The most important things happen on the inside."

The Hand You've Been Dealt

Some people see life like a game of chess, but I prefer to see it as a game of cards. You do your best with the hand you've been dealt, and the ultimate goal is to have all the cards on the table.

Feeling blue and other lovely moods

Feeling blue and other lovely moods

Cup of Tea

Friend: *bring specialty chamomile tea, which I like to drink at night*

Me: *accidentally picks a different tea* "Oh no, I'm sorry I meant to try the one you brought"

Friend: No worries!

Me: Though it is usually my cup of tea

Create Kindness / Principles

Create kindness.

Be a flame in a world that is too cold

----

Bible principles:

"As far as it goes with you, be peaceable with all men"

"Incite to love and fine works"

"Love your enemy"

"Love God with your whole heart, mind, and soul, and love your neighbour as yourself. Against such things there is no law."

"There are flowers in the fire"

"There are flowers in the fire."

That sounds so emo.

"Grandma put flowers in the fire."

Very.

I wanted to take a picture but my camera sucks.

"There is not enough light to see the flowers in the fire."

"There is too much darkness to see the flowers in the fire."

Yes our whole family is like this.

Gently picking flowers

"I love the way you kiss, like picking flowers with your lips..."

Love is not blind

Nobody likes the idea of blind faith; it's so obviously a bad idea, but why are so many people okay with accepting that "love is blind"?

No, love is not blind, infatuation is blind. Hormones are blind; they don't have eyes or minds or have any consciousness of what they're doing or why.

Love illuminates, making us more able to see the good in people, but true love also sees the not-so-pretty parts too.

This was an awesome video about Infatuation vs Real Love published by Jehovah's Witnesses (url: https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/teenagers/whiteboard-animations/real-love-vs-infatuation/). The points are summed up well: attraction is based on what you see, infatuation is based on what you feel, but real love is based on what you know.

With the best of friends / How is it that I can be so fully myself with you even on days I don't feel whole?

How is it that I can be so fully myself with you even on days I don't feel whole?
~~~
Edit/addition: I don't feel like an empty shell around you. That could be found in a perfect environment but still feel nothing. With you I feel I can be so completely myself even on days I didn't feel whole to start with.

Windwards and wind wise 🌀

When An Animal Lashes Out

I really like animals, such as dogs. My experiences with them include beung bit and scratched and otherwise hurt by them several times, but one thing I have learned is that when a dog lashes out it's usually because they're afraid of something. 

I like people. I have been hurt by them many times before, but one thing I have learned is that when someone lashes out it's usually because they're afraid of something.

The long story short:

When an animal lashes out it's usually because they're afraid of something; humans included.

I remember when my friend's dad said "You're not your usual vibrant self."

He used to tease me a lot as a kid saying completely ridiculous things like he's going to cook my pet that he was onin retrospect obviously not serious about but would freak me out anyway, but eventually he said something serious, and that did mean a lot to me.

To the girl who called me "Little tank"

To the girl with the cool Boston accent who used to call me "little tank" on the high school cross country team:

Thank you. My thanks used to be bashful and awk shucks, but I hope to someday be able to tell you how much it still means to me these years later.

Of all the athletes on the team I aspired to be like you not merely for athletic ability in putting one foot in front of the others but for your wonderful, positive attitude, for how encouraging you were as a team player, and for being the best person to cheer for all the runners beside.

People who make me feel like writing hold a special kind of special place in my heart.

Today in the heat of the moment I told a mannequin at work that I hated him, even though it isn't his fault he was made to such unrealistic body standards for actually putting clothes on.

"Fits like a glove" is only an appropriate expression for its meaning if you can find gloves that fit well. 

Once I went to a poetry reading and mine was the only one that rhymed and I felt really uncomfortable to be honest.

The other poets there were all actually really nice. but at the same time in my imagination people were saying "poems aren't supposed to rhyme in our modern times, get with the program you doorham."

"It kills me to say this, but I don't think you love me as much as you think you do."

Most people can't guess I'm part Filipino, but I look Filipino enough for a lady in the grocery store to approach me to ask if I know where the Skyflakes are.

Learning in Different Orders

"We all learn things in different orders. I was just learning how to handle this while you were learning how to handle something else."

A Little Bit About My Grandma

My Grandma never fit in with her time, and she still doesn't with ours. She just does her own thing, always has.

She loves God, loves people, and likes keeping life simple. She is the mildest person I know, but can take more pepper than them too. She tends a beautiful vegetable garden and is the reason why my childhood plants lasted longer than a month. She is a skilled seamstress and keen in her fashion sense but as unpretentious a person you'll ever meet.

She puts kitchenware in odd places and is kinder to people than they deserve.

Her tomato sauce and cooked greens are out of this world, and she likes hugging her family.

In so many ways I want to be like grandma.

Rotary to Smart Phones

"We saw the change between rotary phones and little kiddos having smartphones."

Run on A Sentence

My whole day can run on a sentence,

And each night a one-word answer

---

I'll think in circles and then spin the same

And just call myself a lonely dancer

It was in the night that she would bloom, but she still loved the morning with its timeless glory.

Change when wrong, stand firm when right

Be ready to change when you are wrong, and to stand your ground when you are right.

Eloquence is being able to express right the first time. I want to be eloquent not only in the words I use but in the way I live my life; I can't always be, but I must always try.

"Always Happy" - A Message From a Happy Person

If you think someone is happy all the time, think again. They may have a positive attitude or learned to be a happy person in general, but nobody feels happy 100% of the time; it just means they've gotten good at hiding when they're not.

~~~

Everyone is fighting a hard battle. Make sure you never mistakenly tell someone like that you wish your life was "easy" like theirs. Chances are it was many difficult things that gave them the practice.

Instead, celebrate being strong with such people. You could tell them you would like to have positive attitude like theirs. I'll bet it would make them happy to help you build one.

~~~

A Message From a Happy Person

I am a happy person.

I smile a lot, I try to say things to encourage people

And I try really hard to keep a positive attitude,

But don't be fooled into thinking I'm happy all the time.

Nobody is happy 100% of the time

Some people are just good at hiding when they're not

Or looking past the sadness with brighter eyes that carry a better world inside.

"You have a nice smile" can taste sweet or bittersweet

Thank you for when you say you appreiate a positive attitude

That kind of kindness makes me feel stronger in return.

But if you insist I am always happy think again

If you wish your life was "easy" like mine please wish again;

I am a happy person

Because I've learned to be happy even when I'm sad,

Learned to be happy despite challenges

And it is not easy otherwise everybody would be happy like me

Because everyone is fighting something really hard.

So do not wish my life was yours, I do not wish yours was mine

Because I've learned to fight my own monsters

As you continue to fight yours right now.

So let's not wish for something else,

Let's celebrate being strong together.

I'd be happy to stand with you.

Empathy and Sympathy

It is a beautiful thing when a person empathizes with another, makes a way to understand. We want to be understood. Yet sympathy leaves another beautiful and supportive, but also different feeling.

There is first-hand understanding, and hope built into their existence when the sympathizer's life attests to survival with positivity and function despite it

They both are supportive and intuitive, but just with a different structure; it is amazing to feel cared for either way.

Depth and Happiness

It's unfortunate how often "depth" becomes equated only with sadness.

It goes to show how much this work lacks true happiness, and how many are missing out on this profound feeling.

I see i-c-e

"What can I say, I make doing badly look good."

Edited 2019-10-07 (bad to badly)

Love in all of its moods.

Answer to Quora question: How do INTJs read people vs INFJs?

INTJs seem to focus mainly on behavioural patterns and may infer motive from there, whereas INFJs seem to focus more on understanding feelings as motivators and empathizing/painting a picture from there.

Posted to l-w April 28, 2018, to Quora Oct 24, 2017

Answer to Quora question: Can INFJs be quite bitter, silver-tongued and mean?

Yes, and add manipulative to that list.

In the case of this type, the same empathy INFJs are often put on a pedestal for using to help people can on the flip side make for instinctively cutting remarks that play on deep fears and vulnerabilities.

Somewhere I read on the internet that INFJs don’t get angry, we get evil. (And then feel bad for it after, probably).

----
I have mixed feelings on how much positive reception and attention this one got. People please do keep in mind the question says *can*. Of course any type "can" do anything another type can, but in this context it doesn't imply that INFJs in general will be like this on the regular.


Posted to lunar-winds April 28, 2018, to Quora Oct 24, 2017

Peace, Sage, and Tico

"Peace" would make a lovely name but if I ever have a baby that can't be an option, because whenever I need to talk to my husband in private it would be way too tempting be say "Peace, out."

So far my favourite girl names are still Sage, Viola, or Reverie (if we're going with a made-up one), and Jeremiah, Nico or Tico for a boy.

There's a story behind my favourite name for a boy. It goes back when I was working as a retail fundraiser for Plan International (ah the good old days... and that's Plan International as in the Because I Am a Girl project, not Planned Parenthood). In the first mall  the courier who came to pick up the forms every day was super friendly. We share common background and he would take a moment out of his busy day to chat about back home sometimes. His was named Tico. Or so I thought.

His name is actually Tito, but I didn't realize that for about a year. In that time I developed a case of baby fever (shockingly) and kept going back to the name "Tico". I thought it would be a nice, unique-sounding name for our area, but then a friend explained that he had taken on an Americanized version of his first name upon moving to Canada, as boys are often bullied for having names that stand out.

A unique name is far from anything to be ashamed of and I'd want my children to be more than okay with standing out as different, but a name will follow that child every year in school and presuming that he chooses to take on his mom's spiritual as his own, he will already have quite a bit of that to contend with. One meaning of Tico is "little boy", so I figured "Nico" was a nice alternative depending on where we live.

(As for the name "Sage", I may have to act quickly because my older cousin Dan said that he's going to name his daughter that so it's a race to see who has a daughter first at this point.)

Of course, none of this is certain. I may stick with five-year-old-Melody's plan to adopt as a single parent (but not a girl from China anymore, as they are now facing the issue of not having enough women) and make this decision on my own, but I'd definitely be prepared so choose something different if I were married and hubby wasn't a fan of that name.

Nevertheless, it's fun to think about sometimes.

Friend: When I'm in heels I'm 6'2". I need to find a tall guy, at least 6'3".
Me: That's a tall order.

Today for the first time I met someone else who obsessively steps on every crack on the path, alternating which foot steps on it, and ensuring the crack it just below the ball of your foot or above the toes (but left and right have to match symmetrically).

Does anybody else have this weird compulsion???

People often get very perfectionistic about realism. It is very high pressure; it's trying to duplicate God's art, but for that same reason I hope you don't beat yourself up over it if you don't get the chin quite right.

I think there has always been this sign on my forehead that I just can't see that says "divulge personal information to".

However, passing acquaintances or virtual strangers do, and then they feel embarrassed and act like they don't know me next time we see eachother and never speak to me again.

It's at that point where it feels like people are venting to me 100% of the time.

(I know that's not really true. Customers, friends I tend to hang out with in groups, workmates who don't really know me, and a friend I volunteer with once a week (let's call her Ruby) don't. It just feels like it though.) 

My Personal Views on MBTI: A Vocabulary

Note: actually posted the evening of October 18th 2017. I'm doing the bury-in-the-archive-so-you-don't-get-perfectionistic thing again.

Person 1: "I think people take Mysers-Briggs too seriously."
Person 2: "I can't afford to take it too seriously, I share a type with Adolf Hitler."

On a side note, apparently cats have become the INFJ mascot. See, being affectionately referred to as a cat has made me feel understood by other INFJs that I don't know. However, I don't feel defined by "INFJ" just as I don't feel defined by "cat".

There is a plethora of important traits that the MBTI does not encompass, including , morals, values, interests, health, friends, loves, and beliefs. Though some groups will statistically share more of these traits and that's where the often cringey, horoscope-sounding descriptions come from. It's just not within the typology's structure.

However, on days when I am not feeling myself or am fed up with people, it does help give me some much-needed perspective, reminders of  insight (ie: "it's their 4th function, it's their response to stress..."), or at least an easily-accessible vocabulary to express what I mean using cognitive functions.

Cognitive functions is the only type of MBTI I actually like (I'll pass on the overly-hypothetical tests or limiting, horoscope-like general descriptions). It gives a name to 8 parts of our psyche, or 8 "functions" that we we all have but don't necessarily have a word for already. The theory goes that we all have all 8, we just tend to develop or use hem in a different order called your "stacking" (like stacking tools in a toolbox).

It includes that response to stress forces us to mature and use to learn our "lower" functions, whereas when we're on a high we may naturally to thrive and feel very at home in our higher functions. 

For some resources and on MBTI, feel free to check out this board (I also have boards for each individual type on the same account):

https://www.pinterest.ca/melodytadeo/mbti-16-sides-of-ourselves/

Also, over time I might post a few of my Quora answers here (including the MBTI ones) once I feel brave and coordinated enough.

If there is anyone here who feels so inclined to post their type please feel free to do so in the comments!

(Do you like the Youtuber-like conclusion?)

We seek to create something of value.

A life of value.

"I'm looking forward to the day we'll both be out of a job."

"I'm looking forward to the day we'll both be out of a job."

Charity fundraisers and soldiers. Doctors and Funeral Homes.

(Isaiah 26:21,22)
~~~
I remember realizing that I was a fundraiser aka professional beggar on someone else's behalf. It's a sad and unusual honour to plead on behalf of peoples whose voices are not heard for no fault of their own.

I can't wait for a world when all the fundraisers and soldiers and doctors will be out of jobs. Doctors. Funeral homes. They'll need a new job and I'm sure they'll be happy for the reassignment.

Don't be a rabbit

When a rabbit it sick or hurt, it's instinct is to hide it and pretend nothing is wrong so that it is not targeted by predators. This is its instinct regardless of whether it is in any real danger of being eaten by predators, or if it is the pet of someone who would want to help and get it to a vet. Unfortunately, by the time it's pain can be seen it may very well be too late for it to be helped.

Don't be a rabbit.

"This is a very special kiss. I need you to hold onto it very tightly, and give it back to me next time I see you, ok?"

I think bad memories stand out more when you stop making new good ones to replace them.

Love Lost

It's sad to think about how most of the love in the world was lost.

People like songs about heartbreak because most people can relate to it. On the bright side it means if that's you then you're far from alone, that it validates the circumstances or other feelings that led to the nothing; that it just happens sometimes in love.

The sad part is it means that so many people have felt broken that way.

Children do not learn to read before they learn to speak. Why teach flute differently?

Mental Health Awareness Day

There are so many things to say I don't know where to start, but for today I just want to say this:

Do not mistake a symptom for identity.

You are more than any illness you might have.

I hope this mental health awareness week turns out to be a positive one for you, but even if it turns out to be the worst week ever, even the worst week of our lives only lasts 7 days.

That, and you are not alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out to someone who can help. That, and also you are not alone in the daily struggle.

We have gone on when we didn't think that we could, and you and I are both here today, and that is something to celebrate, so that is why we can say "Happy Mental Health Awareness Day."

Sunset (Progression)

Sunset progression

Title Edited 2019-10-07

How dare you cut my sadness so short? I was supposed to feel lonely and morose forever.

"I like it when you smile like that.

I love how much you care, but also love it when you can be released from all the weight you shoulder. I want you to be happy."

- mental voice

I am sure

There have come things that though unspoken are so true it is as if there is no other option. Just so sure.

     I felt something like this in autumn 2013 when I knew I wanted to get baptized.

      When mind and heart and soul all agree, anxious cacauohany is silenced. There is a calmness, and clarity. Decisions and actions are fluid.

     Just so sure.

     

---

(When I don't have clarity, I find peace with the advice at Philippians 4:6,7)

Until Tuesday

You know things are stretched when you're looking at your schedule and think, "rats no time to cry until Tuesday night." 

Did I really just think that? Damn I can't tell if I'm not as sensitive as I should be, or am just over-sensitive to other peoples' feelings. We just grieve so differently.

I really did love her.

It just won't hit me until I'm alone. 

Grieving / Stones

There is no right way to grieve, is there.

There really is eternity in our hearts. (Ecclesiastes 3:9)

I swallow the lump in my throat; a stone that sinks deep into the ocean inside me without a splash, perhaps just one drop. Then it sinks down into deeper and darker blue until the bottom where the light does not reach, where these feelings lie quietly.

If I pray too much or write too much there is an overflow. But for now the stones will sit. Perhaps one day they will be stacked on on top of the there so some will be revealed and their colours may be brought to light.

My identity is not dependent on the way I look.

Rebel with a cause

I like a rebel with a good cause; they work to solve problems no matter what anyone else says.

I don't like a rebel without a cause; they create problems no matter what anyone else says.

Trying to make art or even just 'be yourself' while under great anxiety feels like running a race while you are sick. Do not mistake anxiety for your identity.

Hurt and Love

People can only hurt you emotionally proportionate to how important they are to you. That's why people we love can hurt us so much.

But no matter how much you love them, or they love you, everyone in the end is responsible for the pain they have caused.

Peoples' actions can cause you great emotional anguish too; murderers and other criminals do this to people. But imagine if the murderer were someone the victim's family was once close friends with? While being strangers does not lessen the hurt, knowing them would add another dimension to it; someone who you love is capable of hurting you in ways a stranger is not.

We are told not to judge both for others and our own good, for if you judge wrong, you yourself will be judged.

--
(Ephesians 4:26, 29, 31, 32)

Cold Flute Hands

     On anxiety days when my hands are very cold, the scariest thing is when I pick up my flute but am unable to feel any music.
     Even though it has always returned before there is still that moment of panic. What if it never comes back?
     But it always does.
     Still, I have often wondered if my flute's voice sounds better when my hands are hot because they are physically warmer, of it it's because hot hands means I must be profoundly happy or at least not anxious.
     Either way, I suppose for music's sake I just have to be deeply happy.

Art is more than logging an emotion

Thank you, Shorts. (And thank you to anyone who is reading this.)

Since the startup of 'Shorts' I have been feeling less anxious, more creative, and my journal entries have gotten shorter and more positive. I actually go back and read stuff.  Shorts (and most posts here) have basically turned out to be many of the thoughts in my journal I want to remember, and have made me focus more on positive experiences for personal albums and entries too.

A journal is a conversation with oneself, but putting it out here into empty internet space seems to be making me turn whatever the feeling or thought is into something worthwhile. It is also more focused; as if putting it here gives the incentive I need to just get it right, that it makes it worth something outside myself (even if nobody else reads it, I have no idea if anyone reads this)

It's expressive, and for a while art might become something else when it is constantly kept behind closed doors. It gets that way for when when I'm only writing or talking to myself, or playing music for myself. When someone else is listening, it makes me want to make it beautiful to make them feel a certain way too.

Art is more than logging an emotion. 

This blog's original headline was "journey to feel again". Many emotionally-driven people come to feel numb, and I began this blog when I wasn't sure it was possible to be revived from that state (some days still carry that anxiety). But now I know it is, and if you are someone who feels this way I hope this blog gives you the reason or proof you need to know there is hope for people like us.

For anyone who wants to know what "Lunar Winds" is even supposed to mean, it references the wind that passes us every day here on earth; it may seem so normal, but when you really think about it a major source is the moon. It's down to our level, but it is all the way from the moon and it's worth it to stop and just pay attention to how it feels.

Life passes, thoughts pass, deep feelings pass, but that doesn't mean we have to let it pass us by.

Note: Actually posted October 12, 2017 after the flute photos. I just wanted to bury it a little farther back so that it's not on the first page for me to see and get all perfectionistic over.

Toxic Streams

     Why do I journal so much when I'm sad or anxious? Why waste space with repetitive, toxic streams of thought that I'm never going to want to remember?

     Because these are the moments when I need help the most and it's the closest thing to a conversation.

     See I just asked a question then answered it myself.

Bagpipes

Playing the bagpipes is essentially one guy trying to overblow three clarinets at once.

I've been having a bagpipes type of week. I don't like the way it came out, but the fact that I managed to make anything happen is pretty impressive.

Pride is expensive.

Deeper Roots

What once began growing from sadness has become deep-rooted joy. Dig deeper; move forward.

"I want to cry over this loneliness but it seems even my tears have all left me."

Habits

One of my weaknesses is that I do not so easily fall into habits, and one of my strengths is that I do not so easily fall into habits.

Whenever I'm sad I read a little notepad of sticky containing messages from friends from an orchestra. I really miss them.

Update later this month: I saw them :). It has gotten to the point where I have memorized what most of them wrote.

Swimmers and Musicians

I like musicians and swimmers. You have to have soul to be a musician or a swimmer.

When I play music I like to think of water, and sometimes it's like I can see shapes like calligraphy lines or watery shapes.

Carry a better world inside of you, let it come out through your eyes.

I hate waking up from a nightmare only to realize it was a memory.

I wonder how many of them didn't really want to die but just wanted to stop hurting people.

Little did they know they were setting them all up to be hurt every day for the rest of their lives.

There are periods of peace before it all falls back to pieces.

Free Spirits

There was an image on the internet that says "free spirits don't have favourite colours". No, free spirits don't let people tell them they can't have a favourite colour to be a free spirit smh

~~~

Being a free spirit has nothing to do with aligning yourself with a pre-established stereotype, following a certain style or preset school of thought or taking a particular political stance. It is quite the opposite, it's about not being enshackled by things that you don't truly believe in, about being true to your values instead of giving into pressure to compromise.

Cute little girl on the bus II

Cute little toddler on the bus: From her stroller mimic her mom on the phone... with her shoe

Her tight afro curls are streamed into banded pigtails and twists of different shapes with colourful hair ties. As he mom puts the phone in front of her mouth the girl brings the Velcro of we shoe to her own, and places it down as her mum finished the phone call.

Answer to Quora Question: Why are there women against feminism?

This wouldn’t be everyone’s reason, but there seems to be a common swing to causes:

• Often the instigator of a good cause begins a movement acting in principle, and then over time lots of people jump on the bandwagon and take it to a point where it violates another principle.

Unfortunately, in many cases passionate but extreme actions and expressions have invalidated and alienated people from good causes.

When I worked for an organization promoting gender equality I would sometimes talk to men and women who said they did not like feminism, but when they elaborated it often translated to disliking the extreme degrees and methods some feminists take to.

For example, we were there to talk about issues including child marriage and female genital mutilation. However when one young lady heard “girls’ and women’s rights” the image that was first evoked in her mind was overall privileged women claiming that sanitary napkins are oppressive, and walking around with period blood running down their legs. That put her off.

Despite any good intentions, individual activists inadvertently took the focus away from very extreme issues and put the spotlight on extreme antics.

It got attention, but the violation of their society’s standards of hygiene drew more negative attention and ended up reflecting badly on/invalidating good causes that deserve to be taken seriously.

Posted to lunar-winds April 28, 2018. Answered on Quora Sept 13, 2017

While on one hand the "liking" system of social can reaffirm and validate truths, or be a means to show appreciation and support, something scary about it is that it teaches people the more conventional the better.

Answer to Quora question: How can I increase my introverted intuition (INFJ)?

While I get where the answers that “if you’re really an INFJ it should happen naturally” are coming from, I have to disagree if the case is that you struggle with long-term anxiety.

When we experience stressful situations that tends to be when we have to learn to use our lower functions; it illustrates how difficult situations help us grow and learn to be more matured, well-rounded individuals.

However, when someone is depressed or anxious people will often say they are “not themselves”. They may stop doing what actually would be most natural to them and get “stuck” in their lower functions.

Basically, if you’re down in the dumps your top function can feel out of reach.

If you do struggle with anxiety then I’d say best way is to

1. work on reducing/managing anxiety, and 2. be patient with yourself .

As everyone else already has said you can’t force it, but working towards Ni-conducive environments can help. These are no magical Ni-boosters but it could help to hang out with an INTJ or ENFJ friend, write concise journal entries, or rekindle old interests or find a new one and let yourself be absorbed in it.

And one more, probably the most important: Try not to think about it too much.

Don’t label your actions as S or N. Go with your gut. As everyone else has already mentioned over-thinking (as INFJs are often prone to) is not going to help. And if thinking about anxiety makes you more anxious then maybe commiserating with Beth Evans’ comics on occasion might help make light of otherwise bitter coffee breaks.

Posted to lunar-winds on April 28, 2018, originally answered on Quora Sep 12, 2017

While on one hand the "liking" system of social can reaffirm and validate true thoughts that often go unsaid, something scary about it is that it teaches people the more conventional the better.

Not only are people often inclined to attach their self-worth to the number of likes they get, but posts are ranked and featured based on their popularity and number of people who "like" it. It reflects a negative aspect of our society where people are awarded for popularity, and that award is easily quantifiable.

Despite how it may come across I'm not anti-social-media and believe it actually can strengthen the quality of relaionships and create meaningful interactions that would not be otherwise possible. However, I think it's important for us to use it as more than just a way to pass time. To scroll slower and spend more time lingering, thinking about, and maybe discussing what we see, this way there is a takeway beyond a few pixels that form a little shape.

If a person is anti-the-direct-consequences of an action, does that make the person also anti-that-action?

An Expression To God -6 September 2017 - (Untitled)

You're the light of my life

Your son the water I drink

Silencer to all the disquieting things that I think

You've given me air

And the warmth you've put in my bones

Which has grown to be a fire that I cannot ignore

How could I ask you to give more than you already have?

Yet here I am again asking strength from your hand

You've given us this earth

But in my whole life I've never felt at home

But as long as I'm with you I'll never be alone

So long as you're with me I'll never be alone

I gave up fearing the grave

For all the coldness inside of me told me I wasn't afraid

Even without hope all I have is one request,

For privilege to know you is all I need to feel blessed.

If you saw me as a sparrow my soul would feel at rest.

But then I ask for more please to heal the broken world,

Through a saviour for the oppressed and for the little boys and girls.

And as for myself I dare not ask for more to see,

But I would be so happy if you'd only remember me

(To remain within your memory).

When I'm long gone if my soul you called to mind

What kind of being would your memory find?

I hope you'd remember me as a friend

Always that way right down to the end

So Jehovah please restore the world you have made,

Forgive us our debts your son has repaid,

So then the universe will be in peace once again

And all will know you as Almighty God, Father, and Friend.

It was the kind of night where just before you fall asleep you remember that you forgot something and can't remember what it is, then suddenly become aware of how you need to wash your hair.

Most nights the moon is made brought by reflecting the sun, but during a solar eclipse the sun is made uniquely beautiful by the moon.

Chrome's Stargazer

Today I took a moment to admire the scenery of my Stargazer Google Chrome theme. It's a simple yet a wonderful piece of art, it makes me feel a certain way. I feel content, relaxed, and perhaps as happy as the little guy in the red shirt.

Stargazer Google Chrome theme. Credit: Google

What is it about images of clouds and a starry night sky that I find so comforting? I think it's more than just conditioning; in addition to associating the simple cartoon look and gentle colour scheme from simpler times of life I think the stars puts us in the place of bedtime and being outside in the fresh air observing nature, and being so high up in the clouds far away from everything would be so peaceful, and so quiet. And the little character adds the perfect touch; I can both vicariously relax on a cloud through him, feel the happiness form his smiling face, and even feel less lonely.