The Things They Don't Tell You

It was the greatest burden

But one I wanted;

Nothing in life is free,

And it was worth it for me.

Love songs become friend songs,

Meals become monuments.

These are the things they don’t tell you.

Sweet dreams hurt as much as nightmares.

Bittersweet, for more bitter mornings.

I scheme to take a bus to the past,

Or sail to the future.

“If I just keep going maybe it will become a time machine,

Maybe I can take a bus rout to the past, or find an ocean portal into the future.

Time keeps going, the ocean keeps going;

It won’t matter if you lose sight of land,

Just keep sailing

Until you get to the future.

Then here is a wrench in the plan,

Because I don’t know how to sail

But I must go alone.

What if I promise to only wear matching socks forever, then will it undo what has happened?

I'll buy all grey socks.

You promise to keep secrets if they just tell you,

You bargain to let everyone else suffer in ignorance if only you can get word that it is all pretend.

All I want to do is scream.

I want to scream loud enough so she can hear me from anywhere,

But I can’t scream,

And she’s not anywhere.

These are the things they don’t tell you.

“Ok the funeral is over, you can come out now.” (Waiting.)

Everything becomes a bargain with the dead.

Some do tell you it gets worse.

I didn’t believe them until it happened.

Some say time will heal,

But who talks about not wanting to heal?

I don’t want to.

The fear of being out of sync with her is overhelming.

People say “move on” as if that’s a thing,

Every turn jumping to telling you opinions and calling her names nobody asked for.

The words I wish I said but didn’t ring in my ears.

That suicide doesn’t end the pain,

It just gives it to someone else.

This is what they don’t tell you about losing a friend.

That the worst part isn't fearing the world’s end;

The worst part is that time keeps going.        (All posts from this date post-dated, posted 2022-03-31)