If I were to get married, I wouldn't want a wedding ring.
Maybe making one out of plants to use for the ceremony that can be put in a scrapbook. But after that I just want to wear a random ring for that external signal.
I don't want to tie it up with an object, and although I know that's not really what people are doing I will emotionally process it like that object is relevant or almost like part of the marriage itself if I wear it all the time.
Which isn't a good thing to be reduced to to begin with, aside from the fact that it would be so devastating if it were lost or stolen.
Have you ever seen that photo of the rings at Auschwitz? It is a photo of a huge pile of wedding rings stolen from the prisoners.
That might be one of the most disturbing photos without any biological thing in it in the world. (Photos of bodies or something, of course that is completely awful in an immediate way).
But it is so deeply unsettling to look at that picture for what it means.
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What has made me think about rings again is I have been wearing a specific type of ring that you liked.
I wore it the first time I went out with people since the terrible day. It was bittersweet, and nice having the reminder of you throughout the day. It also served as a tangible reassurance to myself that going out and seeing the flowers or spending time with people doesn't mean I'm trying to forget you; naturally-occurring evidence that on the contrary, I really wanted that reminder of you all the day, and in truth I wish with my whole heart that you were there.
I'm not going to wear it all the time, because I don't want not wearing it to ever mean that I'm not thinking of you or wishing you were there. But it was really good to have on that first day.
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