I think I found the key behind the dpdr-like symptoms.
It was actually too much. It had to end. There was just too much loss, abandonment, and isolation. So my mind basically did a factory reset and every morning I woke up having no idea who or what anyone or anything is.
With that reset bad friends became weird strangers, losses became misplacements, and I went from a failure to just born yesterday.
My mind flipped the script to survive the situation.
Instead of losing Amara it was easier to lose myself, and instead of facing those who abandoned me it was easier to just forget who everyone is. Instead of facing that I felt like they were bad friends, it was easier to feel that they were weird strangers.
This is in no way meant to minimize the torture that people go through with DPDR, but for me dissociation is a rock shielding me from a hard place.
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