Seeing the notification with her mom's name... as my mom and I watched the sunset brought "Infin" to mind in that beautiful moment. I was also wearing the type of ring I started wearing since she passed, as a sentimental way to feel connected in some physical way.
And even more meaningful: the posthumous Chinese name I gave her is 永霞, Yongxia. It means Eternal rosy cloud as at sunset (because she loved rose gold, and is inclined to have her head in the clouds).
Today the sunset brought me joy, just like her mom's message 🩷
(Image: panorama of a brilliant fiery, peachy, rosy, sunset with cirrus clouds over a field in a conservation area. And there were even cirrus clouds, like my old Instagram handle.)
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A few days ago I had a meltdown because soon I will be living in an apartment that she has never seen. It led me to explaining how with grief, even beginnings that are beautiful can come with feelings like this.
And one of her favourite colours was dark blue. (She loved dark blue, teal, and rose gold). This makes me like the dark blue elements of the decor better, and adds sentimentality to the accents of peachy pink I have been adding.
I had remarked as well about how he'd and I used to talk about decorating a home, and how she actually especially these kinds of colours at one point (the rich blue with brown and dabs of red), inspired by middle eastern design on the Silk Road.
These things might not change physical reality, but there is something comforting about it, keeping her, what she loves, and hope, faith, and love in my thoughts.
[Image: a print of an abstract painting I got, with dark blue, rosy pink and peach and yellow and cream colours and a tiny dab of green, brown, and red.]
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