Let it be known I have finally entered the field of psychology.
This dream has come true. I have incredibly supportive people in my life to thank.
I still love nature and environment, but the silver lining of my physical condition and the way it forced me away from the career I had chosen there, was between this and being so lucky to have the people who love me, it gave me my second chance at psychology.
I did hesitate. I also felt guilty, too undeserving to be so lucky.
Nonetheless, how could not state in the face at the path they have spent ten years wishing they had taken, being handed to them, and just not do it?
That could happen, that self-limiting.
I wasn't gonna do that this time, though. Life has given me enough unlucky things that I have accepted even if many would argue I didn't deserve it. And honestly even if I couldn't call this to mind, I know I'd still make the same decision.
Facing a fear of a great thing is strange. But I'm not going to wait until I can explain it before denying it anyway. A life lesson I have learned many times over is that there is a difference between genuine complete uncertainty, versus being certain, versus knowing exactly what your intuition is saying, but just being completely unable to explain it in that specific moment.
It would be better if we could both hear our intuition so clearly and explain it so easily.
But I'm not going to wait for that either. I'm not going to wait until I feel this is resolved before taking the path I have looked back at constantly and thought would never return.
Perhaps the hesitation was it seeming too good to be true.
Either way it doesn't matter. It is here now; for work. I have now been reading exactly what I'd want to be reading, but this time not only as a hobby, this time. Not thinking of how I have to balance it with a different responsibility -either mentally or in terms of growth- that may beg for attention. Because in many a case in the everyday, and will continue to be, this is no longer just a hobby or just for self-improvement or just for understanding and emphasizing with people in my life.
It has been many years since I have felt this, and it has actually been never in this particular way: but this is simply loving one's job
I did also love my job in the past many years ago in my late teens to early twenties as a fundraising representative for an international development organization. It was such a good cause; I loved talking about it, I loved putting my heart and mind and expressions and connections this good cause. It did come with differences, particularly in facing the heartbreak associated with not being able to get every child sponsored all the time, and knowing I will face days where I get no signups. I still loved this and I'm so glad I did it and still look back on it fondly, but it was with pressure.
And this job will no doubt come with its own pressures. But both by plan and by circumstance, after so many years of just doing what I must without liking it... it's surreal but have a job that I love.
It keeps feeling unreal, but in the best way.
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