Oh the topic of teachers, Mr. H (grade 12 Data Management), was one of my favourite teachers ever, along with Ms. M in middle school (grade 9). And not to forget, Mrs. E.B. (high school English), Mrs. K (high school science/bio). Also Mr. W (environment) and Mr. M and Mr. K for music. And Mrs. W in grade 4 who believed in me with her whole heart and I know genuinely loved and believed in me, and encouraged us all to be good to nature. And our amazing, amazing librarian in leopard print, who cultivated my love of environment, taught me leadership, and gave me opportunities in environment that formed so much of who I am.
Including parts of me that at certain times were the only parts I couldn't come up with a reason to hate.
Mr. H was the clever, honest, and friendly-snarky teacher who tapped into my learning style the most out of all teachers ever. (XNTP, for sure). He taught everyone with examples, and recognized that I just needed more time to think about things and then I'd get things right after.
There were days when the rest of the class was half way through and I was still on question one. But he didn't give away the answer to me. He had me keep trying for a period of time, even until the next day. And then if I still had t figured it out he would show me.
He always knew how much time I needed.
I ended up getting a 98% in the exam, and smiled widely as his "congratulations" on the last day. I hope he knows my success in this is very much also his success as a teacher.
(It would have been 100%, but I had misread a 3 for a 5 on the last question. I even noticed that was odd since that factor doesn't usually go above three. But because it was the last question. And just a tiny bit at the end I got anxious about being slow, I justified that since it was the last question I didn't need to re-check it. It was a super grrrr moment, but the fact that he never gave part marks was part of his system that I also really appreciated. I agree with his philosophy on it in this context to begin with, and because of it's effects here considered it one last lesson in his class to let myself do me and listen to myself when it's actually okay without letting anxiety rule.)
I considered it one last lesson in that class to let myself do me and listen to myself when it's actually okay without letting anxiety rule.)
That year when I actually discovered that I love math when it's more statistics and such father than algebra, and when I can learn and think my way without pressure.
Since then I have also come to enjoy riddles and logic puzzles again, and escape rooms.
Learning to trust myself a little more sometimes when it's actually okay, instead of constnstly trying to do the same thing by accomplished using a method that works well for others but just doesn't fit me so well; letting myself do things my own way when it's okay without judgement, continued to change my life in so many areas.
It make me more confident, clear-minded, happy, and feel more fulfilled in so many areas.
And, live without regrets, more confidently using my own methods when there doesn't seem to be any particular reason to expect any other would work just as well or better for me, other than sheer commonality among other people preferring it. (We all have different strengths and weaknesses; and being able to put into he works what each person uniquely has to offer makes us all better.)
He also often used kumkwats in his questions. Last year I got a little bottle of kumkwats candies from the store to bring to him at the school. Unfortunately it was a very bad year and I never even got to visit the area, but maybe I'll go back to the store and try again before summer break starts.
I should also tell him I kept all my notes and still revisit them sometimes. It's in the light blue binder with the dark rubber. In fact, it's the one public school binder I have continued to keep handy all these years.
Ms. L.M. is one of the most kind people I have ever met. She was so real and honest, and patient. She didn't judge people but was very open and conversational with us. She really loved, but also respected each one of us. From sweetly putting me in group projects with my crush (not that I told her, she could tell though), to taking us out to play kickball, and having such a positive and believing attitude in our strengths... I should tell her too, someday, that she is one of my favourite people still in spite of having been present during the worst part of my life. She was probably the best part of that time of my life, and even when it's too painful to think of many other things, I am always happy to think of her.
I trusted them a lot, and that trust was not misplaced.
At that time, I would never have known how important that was.
I owe the same to Mrs. E.B., and Mr. Moss who I'm so happy I've been able to go visit and see every once in a while over the years. They are almost like an Aunt and Uncle to me. I seriously wanted to invite them to my wedding, as well as Professor J (previous post). That was until I remembered each time how I would not really want anyone at my wedding, or under 25-30 0390/3 for sure. Maybe 60 max for my version of "big". (And considering how huge a family I have, unfortunately that leaves no room for any teachers).
Mr. K and Mrs. K (differently Ks, unrelated to one a other) were enthusiastic, safe people.
Mrs. K is a high achiever never on her high horse, and while usually I felt it easier to ask questions to mean teachers (because I was not inclined to people please them or fear hurting their feelings), Mrs. K was an extremely kind and friend teacher this was different with. Completely honest and unpretentious, with the best loud voice I have ever heard.
I heard the had a baby and ran more marathons.
I haven't seen her as often, but am glad I have occasionally.
Mr. K, I really, really wish I could track down to thank again. Everyone thought he was so kooky. But he was such a genuine, unpretentious, kind-hearted and fun music teacher. I want to tell him, like I have for Mr. M, how my love of music has continued always, and how thankful I am for that.
Also. This would be hard to say so I probably never would this way. But sometimes I think back to all the extremely bad things that happened at that time. And this was before Mrs. M's time so I actively exclude her, and our librarian, from this.
After years and years of not even blaming the hurt boys who hurt me, and just blaming myself for it all, finally I learned none of that was normal. None of it was okay.
I just thought it was because of all the teachers who knew and did absolutely nothing, or worse. Rolling their eyes at my devastation. Telling me to toughen up.
I don't expect the world to protect me, but that was their job. They made me think it was my fault and this haunted me and tore me apart for most of my life thereafter.
Only after a lot of healing could I finally decide on what I really regretted:
I think I just told the wrong teachers.
If I had told Mr. K instead, the teacher mean kids called "weird", I know this would have gone sl differently.
I had never even thought of it. But a part of me anyway, as even though I was so traumatized, I still braved going back to that school again to visit Mr. K. I was so excited when he agreed to supervise me helping teach flute clinics in his music classes. He was so encouraging.
Hindsight is twenty-twenty.
I hope these teacher all did know. Or someday in their hindsight will, how important their kindness, integrity and care have been. And I hope all that good comes to them too, in return.
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