Nobody needs to be punished for being sick, or for having a bad day. Inflicting emotional pain upon someone is not going to make them any more able to overcome their original pain to work for you better.
"If you become discouraged in the day of distress, Your strength will be meager." - Proverbs 24:10
Was doing some more meditation, and decided to look up some different translations of 1 Peter 3:7.
These are some that are a little less literal, and may feel even more reassuring:
"The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground." - 1 Peter 3:7 (MSG translation)
"In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered." - 1 Peter 3:7 (NLT translation)
And regarding NWT version which is a bit more literal, it does also leave even more room for mediation to reinforce a very sobering perspective for men who do not respect their wives
"You husbands, in the same way, continue dwelling with them according to knowledge. Assign them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, since they are also heirs with you of the undeserved favor of life, in order for your prayers not to be hindered. - 1 Peter 3:7 (NWT)
Highlight: "since they are also heirs with you of the undeserved favour of life"
I've found people tend to pay less attention to this part, but it is so, so powerful for perspective. It is a very big reminder that "news flash, your wife is a human being just like you, and reminder the life God has given you is not even something *you* deserve. What makes you think you are fit to play God yourself and decide your wife is deserving of subhuman treatment?"
It also brings to mind the parable of the wicked slave. Because it's true even a good wife is not perfect, if a man were to penalize her for being human that man should be warned he too then might be penalized according to his own sins before God. (Is it really worth it to inflict suffering upon her for the straw in her eye, when you have a rafter in your own?)
Honestly I think I kind of skimmed that part previously too, because the wording was quite abstract and I kind of settled on "well bottom line is clear: honour your wife."
But more recently I've focused my personal study on the meaning of "undeserved kindness" from Jehovah. It really changed my perspective words myself and other people, and it's so amazing I'm just ready to shout it from the rooftops for basically every topic now.
Keeping in mind not only how I should behave, and how is like to feel towards people, but also a mental perspective of God's underserved kindness changed my perspective words myself and other people. It makes such a big difference in not only training our habits to behave well, but being conscious of this perspective influences our mind, attitude, and feelings towards others in a variety of situations, including but not limited to how we ought to treat people we feel we know very well.
It is indeed of great importance that wives follow the Bible's counsel to have deep respect for their husbands, and that husband's follow the accompanying counsel to love their wives as their love themsleves.
However, this does not mean the standard for the way Christian husbands and wives ought to treat eachother is restricted only to what included in this one passage.
In fact, not only is a Christian man required to treat others (including his wife) with respect, but the Bible expands on this standard for a husband's treatment of his wife: Assign her honour in order for your prayers not to be hindered.
"The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don't run aground." - 1 Peter 3:7 (MSG translation)
Husbands are also instructed to put his wife's interests before his own, as Jesus did for the congregation (Ephesians 5:25-29). This is a weighty responsibility, but this is what the Bible asks.
Husbands, be warned: do not try to look for loopholes to exclude your wife from God's standards of how you are supposed to treat people. In fact, your very prayers are at stake. But if you do anyway, if you convince yourself that you need to love your wife but you do not need to respect her, do not be surprised if you find yourself with a wife who who respects her husband but does not love him.
Rather than resigning to such a relationship, is it not so much better for each person to aim to also treat others with, kindness and empathy, love and warmth, respect and and dignity, peacefulness and patience, and generosity and goodness as Jesus did, without excluding one's own spouse?
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLobaTjukk3/?igsh=c2V2cnN6OW55bWVw
@katyslp16 I don't have ADHD, but for me it's because at night there is less emotional overwhelm going on. Nobody watching me, and the room isn't filled with people's feelings and expectations because they're all asleep. So, I can just exist and do my thing, and not surprisingly when not under tons of pressure I can just do things my own way and feel more peaceful about it, it's just better conditions for me to do stuff in
Reviewing my favourite thoughts from the convention, especially the last one on the Friday "What Does Jesus See in You?", made me cry. Hearing the way Jesus empathizes with and sees right through people, why they are the way they are, and sees the good in them anyway... I just had the thought of "this is how I wish I could be treated." This is what I try (and admittedly sometimes fail) to do.
When I say "I want people to see right through me," that I want to be understood more than I fear being seen as I am, this is why; what I hope for.
Humans tend to be very bad at knowing this difference, including and especially myself, but there is a very real difference between guilt and regret.
(All guilt encompasses regret. Not all regret involves guilt.)
There is also a difference between allowance and causation. We very emphatically learn to understand the difference when it comes to understanding why God allows suffering right now. Just because currently he permits suffering, that does not mean that he causes it.
Jehovah doesn't make mistakes. We do.
However, just because we regret using a method that allowed evil to surpass us, that does not mean we are the cause of the evil, nor does it mean that we are deserving of it.
A person might have only one lock on their door instead of three. In a neighboring city, there is a series of break-ins. Upon hearing the news, some people decide to install extra locks, While others say that is so far away, so long as you don't see suspicious characters near your house, you are fine with just one lock. The person in question does not install additional locks.
They are robbed, and their neighbors tell them "you should have had three locks."
Could additional locks have prevented that break-in? Possibly. Realistically, we don't know. The robbers aren't going to tell you.
The possibility that it could have prevented the robbery, naturally makes the victim regret not having more locks.
This makes the victim a person who carries regrets, but it does not make them a person who carries guilt of someone else's evil actions.
Read the first section of Matthew 23 for my personal reading tonight.
The humility of the brothers taking the lead as the slave is actually astounding.
And on a more personal level, as much of a rude awakening as this is for myself, these men who do so much, I sense are actually less prideful and more humble than I am.
I gotta work on this.
If being the one you love means I am the only person you cannot refrain from taking our your anger on, apparently "because" I "matter the most", cursed is the one you love, then.
"He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor has he repaid us what our errors deserve. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So great is his loyal love toward those who fear him. As far off as the sunrise is from the sunset, So far off from us he has put our transgressions" - Psalm 103:10-12
Re: The World Doesn't Owe Me Anything poem
Once again I begin to say a silent goodbye to the world.
Goodbye to the trees,
Goodbye to the sky.
Goodbye to the place I grew up in,
Goodbye to the highway and the streetlights,
Goodbye to the teriyaki sauce.
And then God has a message sent to me, again.
Like apples of gold in silver carvings Is a word spoken at the right time. - Proverbs 25:11
On Instagram @alexwboring made a video about feeling bad and questioning oneself When someone describes you in a way that feels so off from how you perceive yourself that it shatters your entire perception of reality.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKbKq36s0dT/?igsh=eW1tZnc2M25pc2x2
Sometimes it just happens. Other times they are fully doing this on purpose make others misunderstand you, make you feel misunderstood, or make you doubt yourself, because they feel threatened by you.
They may be brazen with backhanded compliments, or they may use neutral or superficially harmless descriptors but that still aren't on point to achieve their goal.
Random life lesson/thought:
Open and honest involves sharing information clearly at an appropriate time
This is sometimes the most immediate time, but not necessarily.
As much as I do believe people can learn from my systems and organization for diligence and honesty, I'm still learning about balance and reasonableness.
I worked on my stressful phone and laptop tasks outside for a bit, sitting in my backyard observing how beautiful it is, and watching a bird fly between the lush green trees had the thought "maybe life is worth living." And then I saw a descendant of Linda's green bee at the rose of Sharon's and messaged Linda about it. (She was really happy). I think that was the highlight of my day :)
I don't think I was put on this earth for a special reason or purpose. But it appears I might have been saved for one.
I've mused with ideas that it might be to save someone else, to someday have a conversation with someone that has some relevance to their life and it's grander purpose than my own. I've mused with the idea that maybe not through my own conversation, but something I write or something I do in my life does something that makes something to somebody.
But I'd by lying if I said I actually knew, or that I am certain that I ever will.
I've had the passing thought that I was saved so I can keep existing, but that feels too selfish.
I've considered that maybe it is my endurance in spite of pain that makes a point for something bigger than myself.
But I can't say I know why what happened did.
But it is the blessing of a lifetime. I can't waste it.
Mental illness can look like puffy eyes.
Mental illness can look like your loved ones deciding to leave this world with you in it.
Mental illness can look like having to go to therapy, or take medications that make you really tired and make you gain weight.
Mental illness can be taking too long to get ready to go out even though he woke up early,
And it can look like being too exhausted and too in pain to get out of bed at all.
Mental illness can also look like an unrepaired electrical outlet or leaky faucet.
It can look like a very messy room,
Or a very tidy room,
Or a room that has been cleaned but still has something off about it.
It can look like perfectionism,
And taking responsibility for the wrong things.
It can look like misplaced documents and asking for help filing taxes.
It can look like struggling at work or to find a job.
It can look like oily hair and bad breath.
It can look like a storage closet that will always be organized next week but never is.
It can look like cancer plans and saying day after day "I just didn't sleep too well last night,"
And being tired of people getting mad at you for not agreeing that melatonin is going to fix all your problems.
It can look like toast for dinner.
It can make the walk you plan to go on together shorter than you expected because it started so late.
It can look like apologizing for everything.
It can look like struggling with a wallet or panicking to gather groceries at the cash register.
It can look like being afraid to get a new haircut, or feeling like you have to get a new haircut.
It can sound like "I'm so sorry for the late reply things have been crazy."
It can look like avoiding personal questions,
And unintentionally venting about the same things over and over again if that doesn't work.
It can look like stomach aches and headaches and body aches.
They can look like unfolded laundry and moving too slow for everybody else.
The harsh truth is that if you are only an ally, if you are only compassionate when this person is trying to leave you and your world and you shame them for everything that came before,
You're not their ally.
(Summary section)
I have been thinking about idealists, particularly types of idealists on a spectrum between diplomatic and demonstrative.
I am an idealist, my sibling is an idealist. We actually care about a lot of the same principles. However, the paths we follow and the way we look to live according to and even promote our ideals are very different.
Diplomatic idealists tend to come off more tactful and may take this approach to "play the long game" as they carefully play their cards to have their ideas permeate over time.
Conversely, a more demonstrative approach is more expressive, more visibly clear, and often effectively gains followers by building a momentum others who are like-minded but just needed to feel not alone or more validated in are already just about ready to join.
(I like to think I fall somewhere in between?)
Also, there are are people who are not generous, motivated, or courageous enough to act, but they do complain a lot. As a fundraiser, I called complainers who didn't want to do anything themsleves but just tell us our way of trying to help sucked "You-Shoulds". ("You should use this method, in a different place, to help different people... And for free..." while doing none of the above themselves.)
All these approaches apply both on a large scale in society, and on a smaller interpersonal scale between individuals.
~~
Why it sounds like this:
My original for this was long and kind of got a bit of an angsty tone later because thinking about the You-Shoulds gave me a headache. After editing most of the stuff about them out it once again feels better, but it did slow me down enough. This post is now instead a summary; So I think will stop today's post here for now and maybe edit this or make another one with more later.)
~~
Ah what the heck, here it is:
I have been thinking about idealists, particularly types of idealists on a spectrum between diplomatic and demonstrative.
I am an idealist, my sibling is an idealist. We actually care about a lot of the same principles. However, the paths we follow and the way we look to live according to and even promote our ideals are very different.
I consider myself middle leaning diplomatic. My sibling, I would say moderately demonstrative.
Diplomatic idealists in my mind tend to emphasize playing the long game; playing cards carefully, to communicate values and promote what is good according to what we feel is a timeline that makes it realistically effective. Highly contextual, this usually making a more visible appearance of compromise according to feelings such as "we aren't there yet but if I time this carefully we can get there," with more deliberate evaluation of "is this the hill I'm going to die on?"
Conversely, a more demonstrative approach is more full out, more radical, and tends to use more obvious visual cues to push for their ideals. This tends to come off more puritanical, and seeming driven by wanting to authentically live by one's own feelings. It focuses more on living the truth of the people who are already here with you rather than seeking really fresh converts so to speak.
While diplomats tend to quietly live out their ideals in a way that may be received more easily to the mainstream for now (draw not just any attention, but more positive attention than negative to their cause) as part of a larger and active scheme for the greater good, demonstrators tend to live out their ideals much more expressively, bluntly, less quietly, and in a way that prioritizes the raising of the issue however the chips fall.
Diplomats tend aim for controlled detonations of conflicts, while demonstrators tend to put more emphasis on passionate detonation.
Also, there are people dissatisfied enough to complain but not generous, motivated, or courageous enough to be diplomatic or demostrative, so they just kind of my complain. As a fundraiser, I called a certain type a person we'd meet "You-Shoulds". They didn't want to donate, didn't want to volunteer, but did want to us to stand there while they drone on and on us to about everything *they* think *we* *should* do instead of what we are doing ("use xyz better beyond I came up with, do this in a different place, help different people... And for free..." while doing none of the above themselves on a career or volunteer basis).
Realistically, neither diplomatic nor demonstrative idealists are perfect. Also, as controversial as this may be I do believe that no matter what side an idealist falls to, balance is called for. Regardless, though of where the idealist falls between diplomatic and demonstrative, the key is though that they do actually promote their ideals. They may take different approaches, but an argument can be made that there is a place for every idealist.
I don't really have a proper ending or know where I'm going with this, so I'm going to put my tilde lines to break up the thoughts.
I am not afraid to admit I struggle with emotional problems: being depressed, being obsessive and compulsive, handling stress and often finding myself overwhelmed.
But in the context of people saying I should be tested for autism, many of the aspects of my personality and the way I think that are being pointed out are not problems. Other peoples' difficulty empathizing with and understanding me the way I am able to empathize with and understand them and everyone else is not indicator that I am the one with an empathy and understanding problem.
I don't think I'm a better person for having a gift of greater capacity for objectivity and cognitive empathy than the average person. Everyone has different strengths, unique character, and I genuinely feel this also gives each person irreplaceable value. But to be blunt, me being able to explain me better than you can explain you "just because", should not be used as an argument that I am the one who suffers from a problem with their development.
~~
Ah yes, I have the disorder of having enough self-awareness to know why I do the things I do and this habit of USING MY WORDS to communicate important thigs according to WHAT THE WORDS MEAN AND WHAT THE SITUATION IS instead of only telling people what I think they want to hear
Def feels on point. Also I've never been much of a conspiracy theorist before, but I do keep thinking it's possible ppl at the top are stirring less affluent peoples' moral rejection of using AI altogether to suppress anyone else from gaining significant capital on this
People obsessed with normal are so weird.
So you can think something is better on the basis of it being normal (it's commonality),
But thinking something is better on the basis of uniqueness (less common) is not okay.
Riiight.
People don't have to pick just one or the other either. If it's not doing anything wrong subjective preference doesn't have to be summed up to a binary.
"But now you must put them all away from you: wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech, and obscene talk out of your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another. Strip off the old personality with its practices, 10 and clothe yourselves with the new personality, which through accurate knowledge is being made new according to the image of the One who created it, 11 where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, foreigner, ScythĘąi·an, slave, or freeman; but Christ is all things and in all. 12 Accordingly, as God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, clothe yourselves with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, and patience. 13 Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely even if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Just as Jehovah freely forgave you, you must also do the same. 14 But besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union."
- Col 3:8-14
It's past midnight. Amazing lessons 🤯
"I will . . . show you consideration." —Gen. 19:21 [point is compassion - day text]. ...
“Keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.” - Col 3:19
"Lowliness of mind, or humility, can help you suppress the urge to insist on being right in a disagreement." - How to Build a Successful Marriage, JW.org
My dearest friend,
I figured out the new warning combination:
Lying, uncontrolled anger or rationalizing angry behaviour, punitive spirit, and lack of compassion
I can't elaborate without saying too much, but the order begins when lying and/or anger is a default
--
Please never accept that kind of normal from someone, nor convince yourself that you deserve being treated harshly or coldly when you have truly done no evil to warrant it.
For me, worried is worried.
Grieved is grieved.
Remorseful is hell.
Joy is a contrast to the sadness.
Jealousy is jealousy.
Calm is calm.
Intrigue is excitement.
Inspiration becomes dreams,
Dreams become musings,
Musings become actions.
Anger is anger and assertiveness but trying not to speak too impulsively at best,
Anger is paralysis at normal.
But I've learned that for some people,
Worried is anger.
Grief is anger
Remorse is anger.
Joy is just a lack of anger,
Jealousy is anger,
Calm is probably smaller anger.
And I don't understand it at all.
I see that this is the way it is
And I'll even accept it.
But I don't know what it's like to live in a mind where all roads lead to answer,
And this specific wiring feels as hard as trying to imagine a colour I have never seen before.
I just don't get it.
No matter how much I'd like to pride myself on empathy,
My mystical abilities are proven false,
I am proven a quack of a people-understander,
For this type of personality I can accept,
But it would be a lie to say I understand.
Reminder of an old thought:
Sometimes people write what they feel. Sometimes, they write to feel a certain way.
~~
I am very much a dig deep person; you can't run from working from the inside out forever on everything. But really I ought to give more credit to the method of working from the outside in; such as starting with good habits to change your mindset.
This kind of approach can make your mind and your life a safer place to more effectively engage in mental-emotional excavation.
People: "Stop overthinking it. Just be yourself and act natural... But not like that."
No. My body is killing itself and all I want is for it to hurry up.
~~
(I didn't really say that. I said, "yeah I'm okay how about you?")
As we draw closer to God, our conviction in his righteous standards is strengthened. But regarding other matters, Proverbs 21:20 has this reminder:
"All of a man's ways seem right to him."
This proverb can help us to be humble, and not opinionated. IThis includes when we don't have all the facts, or in matters of opinion where our viewpoint differs from another Christian's.
Humility helps us remain respectful -towards Christians and nonchristians alike- and can quell any tendency we may have to be self-righteous, unreasonable, or contentious. Additionally, it can help us continue to look at our brother positively remembering that both parties are imperfect people doing their best, and can motivate us to avoid stumbling him.
"Don't hurt yourself jumping to all those conclusions/careful not to hurt yourself with all that mental gymnastics!"
I spend so much of these days reaching out to fix.
Dreading when you walk across the room, unable to stop hoping you will look at me but knowing you won't.
~~
I am lying in the grass, dreaming of a moment where you meet me here to make things better, and move forward together.
It reminds me of days on the grass as school, thinking it would be so nice if my crush came and sat down with me here and we could talk and watch the clouds together. But I knew it was silly.
I didn't realize this fantasy would be so silly forever.
I wake up after a bad night and open the blinds.
A warm, green and yellow and white and blue glow floods in. Seeing the morning sun through light green leaves behind the blinds, I think, "wouldn't it be a shame to go away from these things?"
I wear a pale green dress, in honour of the morning.
On different mornings, it has a pink or orange or yellow or peach or blue glow that been what softened my tired eyes and weary mind.
Today I am reminded that maybe life is worth living, by all creation good and green.
...
~~
"In reply the King will say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’" - Mat 25:40
"He said to him, ‘By your own words I judge you, wicked slave. You knew, did you, that I am a harsh man, taking what I did not deposit and reaping what I did not sow?" - Luke 19:22
"He said to him: “‘You must love Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your whole soul and with your whole mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. The second, like it, is this: ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself" - Matthew 22:37-39
"Stop judging that you may not be judged; for with the judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you. Why, then, do you look at the straw in your brother’s eye but do not notice the rafter in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Allow me to remove the straw from your eye,’ when look! a rafter is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the rafter from your own eye, and then you will see clearly how to remove the straw from your brother’s eye" - Matt 7:1-5
OCD is not just glorified cleanliness or being particular.
It is a disease that makes you believe terrifying things are true that you know do not make sense, but all the alarms in your brain are going off as if it's real so even though you know it's not true your emotions are blaring that it is at full force to the point that it feels like if you don't react as if the threat is real even if it makes no sense, something terrible is going to happen.
I think I might be a good actress because in real life, I'm always feeling all of the feelings at once. My demeanor is just determined by what I choose to lean into, or to focus on, in that moment.
So at a moment's notice, if I am supposed to have a shift in my demeanor to something that seems very different than my normal, I actually don't have to put very much on.
I just have to let more out.
The moments when I can say "I'm just pretending" are the moments it's safe for those feelings to be shown on my face (instead of being locked up on my bones). The moments when they can hide in plain sight.
"A man of knowledge restrains his words, And a discerning man will remain calm. Even a fool who keeps silent will be considered wise, And the one who seals his lips, discerning" - Proverbs 17:27,28
I am not known for being loud or overly talkative, but I should be more careful to not talk too much.
The more words I use, the more I might be wrong. And yet, I wrote this recently, too:
"I've been finding I am much, much more expressive now. For better or worse, I use at least five times more words to say the same thing, but I don't say it as many times because I said the more full version the first time. Self-control with what I say was something I did have to learn to an extent (since teenage years was usually summoning up the confidence in my own judgement to say what I'm thinking at all), but now I have some catch-up to do."
It can be difficult to strike the right balance.
I'm going to stop talking even to myself about this for now, before I overthink it for the moment and stress myself out over it without benefit.
"A man rejoices in giving the right answer, And a word spoken at the right time—how good it is!" - Proverbs 15:23
I know people are tired of "political correctness". But I think the wording of things on certain topics is so heavy is because on sensitive and broad matters, even few words can have very big, sweeping implications.
And yes some people do just use the value of being precise as a means to elevate themsleves above others. But just because some people use something for selfish reasons, that doesn't mean that very thing does not have other value.
When the last tree has been cut down, the last fish caught, the last river poisoned, only then will we realize that one cannot eat money. - NĂŞhiyawak (Cree) Proverb
“In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations.” - The Seven Generations Principle, Haudenosaunee (Iroquois) First Nation
~~
"An inheritance obtained first by greed Will not be a blessing in the end." - Proverbs 20:21, NWT
"An inheritance from Yahweh are children" - Psalm 127:30, Rotherham
"Happy are the mild-tempered, since they will inherit the earth." - Matthew 5:5, NWT
"And this is what I continue praying, that your love may abound still more and more with accurate knowledge and full discernment; that you may make sure of the more important things, so that you may be flawless and not stumbling others up to the day of Christ" - Philippians 1:9,10, NWT
"and the appointed time came for the dead to be judged and to reward your slaves the prophets and the holy ones and those fearing your name, the small and the great, and to bring to ruin those ruining the earth.” - Revelation 11:18, NWT
