Mental illness can look like puffy eyes.

Mental illness can look like your loved ones deciding to leave this world with you in it. 

Mental illness can look like having to go to therapy, or take medications that make you really tired and make you gain weight. 

Mental illness can be taking too long to get ready to go out even though he woke up early, 

And it can look like being too exhausted and too in pain to get out of bed at all. 

Mental illness can also look like an unrepaired electrical outlet or leaky faucet. 

It can look like a very messy room,

Or a very tidy room,

Or a room that has been cleaned but still has something off about it.

It can look like perfectionism,

And taking responsibility for the wrong things.

It can look like misplaced documents and asking for help filing taxes.

It can look like struggling at work or to find a job.

It can look like oily hair and bad breath. 

It can look like a storage closet that will always be organized next week but never is.

It can look like cancer plans and saying day after day "I just didn't sleep too well last night,"

And being tired of people getting mad at you for not agreeing that melatonin is going to fix all your problems.

It can look like toast for dinner.

It can make the walk you plan to go on together shorter than you expected because it started so late. 

It can look like apologizing for everything. 

It can look like struggling with a wallet or panicking to gather groceries at the cash register.

It can look like being afraid to get a new haircut, or feeling like you have to get a new haircut. 

It can sound like "I'm so sorry for the late reply things have been crazy."

It can look like avoiding personal questions,

And unintentionally venting about the same things over and over again if that doesn't work.

It can look like stomach aches and headaches and body aches.

They can look like unfolded laundry and moving too slow for everybody else.

The harsh truth is that if you are only an ally, if you are only compassionate when this person is trying to leave you and your world and you shame them for everything that came before,

You're not their ally.