Opinion: Emotionally intelligent people know how to be encouraging, but do not make a rule of forcing complements to make themselves look good

Regarding: "Science Says Emotionally Intelligent People Use the 30-Second Rule to Make a Lasting First Impression

To make a good first impression—and set the stage for a great conversation—you only have to say one thing.

EXPERT OPINION BY JEFF HADEN @JEFF_HADEN

Jun 13, 2025"

https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/science-says-emotionally-intelligent-people-use-the-30-second-rule-to-make-a-lasting-first-impression/91201506 

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"Within the first 30 seconds of a conversation, say something complimentary or encouraging.

But not generic: Complimenting someone’s clothing or appearance could seem like a throwaway line, and even if sincere may not be memorable. So use the first 30 seconds to find something more meaningful. Ask a question, but don’t use it as a springboard for then talking about yourself. (Psychologists call those “boomerang questions.”)

Instead, keep the focus on the other person. Say you ask, “What do you do?” Don’t boomerang with what you do. My go-to approach is to say something about their job that seems hard, and compliment their ability to do it."

My take: Emotionally intelligent people do not make a rule of forcing complements within a within a certain timeframe with the goal of making themselves look good. It may make emotionally intelligent people who pick up on it feel bad for you though, or raise a yellow light of caution of your motives. And in another situation, forcing yourself to compliment someone against your better judgement, such as if you sense they already are conceited or are seeking opportunities to drag others down, this has the potential to reinforce an expectation that you only exist to stroke that person's ego. That said, like this article does reference when meeting new people, emotionally intelligent people will avoid making a conversation all about themselves. They will often tend be encouraging, and may intentionally cultivate an inclination to be observant so they can be quick give sincere compliments and establish positive relationships.