I've known every mental abnormality I've ever been diagnosed with by myself. It was always me figuring it out by myself then asking the doctor, and then the doctor says what I've already known for years.
It started at 12 years old, realizing I had to have some form of bipolar disorder.
It would take over ten years for me to have it confirmed by professionals, but I always knew.
This one though I have known since I was 16 years old, spending my lunches reading psychology books on the library seeking to understand what is wrong with everyone so I can be not mad at them, including myself.
More than a decade later, I am thinking of not hiding it anymore.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLY54ygvuJS/?igsh=MWZkNTA2NWZqZmc5dQ==
I don't know, though. For some reason the other labels I was happy to have confirmation on, but I think it's because I actually do see those as illnesses, real limitations as the label implies.
But with this one, it would be accepting a label that connotates that my way of thinking is inherently deficient compared to a neurotypical person's, which I just think is not true at all.
Neither way of thinking is inherently "better", they're just different and they don't need to be ranked. And I don't like this idea that in this dynamic where the other kind insists they are superior and that in itself leads them to mistreat people like me, that by some weird mental gymnastics the conclusion is I have a "developmental disorder" instead of concluding that the people who can't behave themsleves have a behavioural disorder.
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