"At that time those who fear Jehovah spoke with one another, each one with his companion, and Jehovah kept paying attention and listening. And a book of remembrance was written before him for those fearing Jehovah and for those meditating on his name. 17 “And they will be mine,” says Jehovah of armies, “in the day when I produce a special property. I will show them compassion, just as a man shows compassion to his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between a righteous person and a wicked person, between one serving God and one not serving him.” - Mal 3:16-18

      This comforts me on more than one level.

      Aware that I am limited, I gather as much knowledge and insight, beyond myself, as I can. And then really try to process that information on my mind, to the best of my ability. And I pray about it.

      And that is all I know how to do anything anymore.

      I feel like I listen and listen and listen, then think and think and think. But I'm still so dumb. I can listen all I want, but people can still lie to me, and I myself will still fall short again and again.

     And then what can I do?

     There's something so comforting know that Jehovah is listening even for me too when I reach out to honour him. That he is listening very, very carefully, to find the good in me (of all things), even to remember me.

       And I love that I dont have to try to discern if Jehovah is lying to me. While of course I still must listen carefully, when I listen to Jehovah it's only to understand more of what he really does want me to know, not to figure out something he is trying to hide from me.

       I love that with Jehovah I can really just listen carefully to obey and to understand him better, not to try to protect myself from him tricking me.

       I love that I can trust him. That he loves me, so much he gives me kindness that I don't even deserve. I don't have to earn his love with things I cannot do; I love that he appreciates my best even though it's imperfect and even though honestly I'm pretty sure I'm just garbage.

       He doesn't lie and hurt me and say I deserve it. He is so kind to me even when I don't deserve it. Because he really loves me.

       And I love him.

       How could I not?