Double Double

Where I live in Canada we have a thing people call Double Double.

It's taking your coffee with two sugar and two cream.

It feels appropriate because people say we are nice.

Many days I can't say I agree, but others I will say we are nice but we are not kind, and this is the difference I mean.

I take my coffee resentfully.

My closest friends once said I am semi-sweet chocolate, but I don't know if they'd say that anymore.

People want me sweet like sugar and soft like cream,

But in a life were my day starts with swallowing bitterness.

When I tell people I drink coffee every day, and they ask how I like it,

I tell them "I don't the taste at all it but I take it iced."

"Why?"

"Hot coffee makes me throw up too much, but I need the caffeine."

The silence that comes after when they don't talk over me and my reasons this time is comforting. 

Out of the people here who takes their coffee black like your heart and won't stop saying it,

I'd be curious to know if you agree.

Double double triple triple black like your heart milk instead of cream,

It really shouldn't matter if we prefer coffee or tea. 

I value you for you and you value me for me,

This is how I think it should be.

Most weeks there is at least one day I drink coffee til I vomit,

The alternative is that stop gulping it down and just cry until I sleep.

Most weeks there is at least one day I drink coffee til I vomit,

The alternative is to stop gulping it down and just cry until I sleep.

I really don't want to be angry,

Each day I list things to be grateful for.

But it is becoming harder and harder to get by

Just by looking on the bright side anymore.

Today I vomited two times already, in a way this poem will make it three.

So for now we may have to settle with I will be less bitter when I don't have to drink coffee til I vomit anymore,

And instead I can just drink tea.