FINALLY articulated something well (not surprisingly from talking to N2, because I care about her and my own limits on self-awareness caps me):

For people like us, I feel like even if in theory sure it could be completely pragmatic for one person to work and the other does other stuff, because of the way we are we will be in our own heads about being the status of not working to the point that we become ineffective at what we are supposed to be doing while not working, and/or we don't feel happy anyway.